faith

Friends

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

As I’ve stated many times before, I am still trying to figure out this whole friendship thing. Sometimes I do good, sometimes . . . not so much. I’ve had good friends who I still count as friends and I’ve had some that I probably creeped out a little and who aren’t as friendly to me anymore.

I’ve learned in my life not to beat myself up over the friendships that I feel like I’ve botched. It’s not up to me to carry every single one of my relationships. God is more than able to keep people in my life that need to be there. It’s so much less stressful that I can relax and be myself and not have to worry if that will be enough for people to like me.

I’ve learned to always give the benefit of the doubt and to see my friends in the best possible light. Essentially, I’ve learned to give them grace, because God knows I sure need it. Often.

To my friends who have stuck around, I’m thankful. I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad to have you in my life.

To my friends who I’ve run off or weirded out, I hope you give me grace and a second chance. But I don’t blame you if you don’t. I am still very much a work in progress and though I am at a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically than I’ve ever been, I still have some broken places and hidden hurts that surface from time to time.

To all my friends, whether you were only around for a few weeks or are still here after many years, thank you. You bless me more than you know. You encourage and support me, you pray for me, you keep me honest, you love me, and you show me Jesus every single day.

I hope one day I can finally be the friend that I’ve always wanted. And with God’s help, I believe I will be.

Raise Your Hand: A Blog About Relationships

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

Ok. Informal survey. See if any of these scenarios fit you. Here goes.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been interested in someone and gone to the place where he or she works or hangs out in the hopes of “accidentally” running into him or her? And technically, that’s not stalking. It’s only stalking when you know for sure that person will be there.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever posted something on facebook in hopes that a certain someone would read it. Because that always works. Not. Of course, I’ve NEVER done anything REMOTELY like that. I’ve NEVER found out the hard way how completely futile that is.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever judged the health of a relationship based on how many times the other person likes or comments on your statuses and posts on facebook. Yeah, I seem kinda hung up on the whole facebook thing, but play along with me. Maybe you see the absence of response to your posts and texts as a lack of interest on the other’s part, or even an indicator that that person is upset with you or doesn’t like you. Again, I can say that I’ve never . . . . ok, I’ve been there, done that, thrown the pity party. Now I take pills and I do much better.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever obsessed over the next time you might see that certain someone and rehearsed in your mind what you would say to them. You even got the script down perfect. The only problem is that real life never follows those rehearsed scenarios and real people tend not to want to stick to your script.

What little I know about relationships is this: there are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. You can’t make any one person your life or build your future on the hopes of a relationship. To put another person on that kind of pedestal is to put that person in the place of God and put a burden on them that they were never meant to bear.

So I’ve learned to trust God. And pray a lot. And take deep breaths. And not freak out. The other person most likely is just as scared and intimidated and nervous and self-conscious as you are. They just have different ways of showing (or hiding) those things.

By the way, I bet you feel pretty silly sitting in front of your computer all by yourself with your hand raised in the air. You can put it down now.

My 1000th Blog!!!

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It’s true. I’ve written 1,000 blogs since I started this 2 1/2 years ago (it will be 3 years in July). I never thought I’d be mega-popular or successful, although I occasionally had moments of delusions where I was hoping to see massive readership. But that’s just not my style.

It’s mostly a way for me to get my feelings and thoughts out there. It’s been very therapeutic for me and, hopefully, for you as well. I stand by my statement that if I were the only one who read my own blogs, I’d still write them. It would still be worth it.

Who knows? One day I might get Jon Acuff-like numbers. I doubt it, but in this crazy world, just about anything’s possible.

My process is still usually to take a topic or a phrase that grabs my attention and run with it. I could hear a song or a speech or watch a movie and be inspired that way. Sometimes I sit down at my laptop and have no idea what’s going to come out.

I still do very little revisions or rewrites. It’s still basically a one-take deal. That might not work for everybody and it’s probably not the way professionals do it, but it’s what I’m comfortable with and it works for me.

I’m still so grateful for anyone who reads these things. I’ve been astounded and amazed by the people who tell me that what I write means so much to them. I usually have no idea. But I’m so blessed to have so many who faithfully keep up with me.

I hope you will continue to read these and pass them along to others you think might benefit from them. I will continue to write them as long as God allows. It’s not about numbers, it’s about putting what’s on my heart on these blogs. That’s all.

Here’s hoping there’s 1,000 more.

 

Just Another Sleepy Sunday

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I have been sleepy all day today. Maybe it’s because it’s been grey and overcast just about the entire day. Maybe because it’s Sunday. Maybe it’s because I didn’t take my customary Sunday afternoon, choosing instead to watch an old movie on TCM.

Regardless, I have a feeling I’ll sleep really good tonight.

I’ve never been more aware of my dire need for God than lately. I need him desperately every hour of every day, every minute of every hour, and every second of every minute. He’s the one who holds me together.

I’ve also never been more aware of the abiding peace of knowing that God is in control of my life. I don’t know what the days and weeks and months ahead hold for me, but I know God knows.

So instead of seeing problems and obstacles, I’m choosing to see blessings. Like the blessings of family and friends, good health, freedom of worship, and life. I hope I never get over the joy of celebrating each and every day as a gift and every person in my life as a blessing that I don’t deserve but I get anyway.

So many will go to bed hungry. So many will end the day alone. So many will have to wake up tomorrow without purpose or meaning or God in their lives.

I need to remember that I’m not blessed so I can grow fat and happy. I’m blessed so that I can in turn be a blessing to someone else who needs it.

So my questions to you are the same ones I’m asking myself. Who are you going to be a blessing to today? Who will you pray for? Who will you encourage? Whose lives will you speak into, whether through a phone call or a text or a facebook post?

If you woke up at all today, you’re blessed. If you had at least one meal today, you’re blessed. If you had shelter from the rain and a car to drive, you’re blessed. If you had family and friends to cheer you up, you’re blessed.

So, how will you pay it forward?

The One Constant

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When I started this little blog roughly 2 1/2 years ago, I had no idea what would happen. I didn’t know if it would blow up or dry up.

It turns out that I have gained a loyal following, not very big by blogging standards, but quite enough for me. Hey, I’m happy if one other person besides me reads my blogs. It really is very therapeutic and I’d still do these even if I were the only one who read them.

Quite a bit has changed since I started this journey. I lost my job, started new medication, gained some new friends, and basically grew up quite a bit. But one thing hasn’t changed. God remains faithful.

In the mist of seemingly daily global chaos, God remains constant. He truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I heard a pastor say that one of the meanings of the word glory is weight. And only Jesus is strong enough to be able to hold all the bits and pieces of your life together to keep you from falling apart. Not relationships, not careers, not healthy living and exercise, not even religious activities.

While all these things are good things, they can’t ever be the only thing. Only God can be that. Only God deserves our utmost affection, attention, and devotion. Anytime we give that to anything or anyone else, that’s idolatry.

It would take too long for me to recount all the times I’ve committed idolatry in my life. Let’s just say I’d have to use more than my fingers and toes to count them all.

But even then, God is faithful. While I go chasing after the next god, he remains constant. He’s still for me and waiting for me to come back. No, better than that. He’s wooing me back in the midst of my infidelity.

So just remember God is the only one worthy of worship. After all, he’s the only one big enough, strong enough, tender enough, and loving enough to get you through.

Thoughts About the Boston Bombers

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I know there are some people out there that are celebrating the capture of the two individuals who allegedly set up the bomb devices that killed three and injured so many at the end of the Boston Marathon. I know many people out there want these two to die slowly and painfully so that they feel all the suffering they inflicted on their victims.

But I wonder how many out there will pray for them? I wonder how many out there really believe that Jesus really died for EVERYONE and that God’s love is truly UNCONDITIONAL. Even for terrorists and criminals.

I think so. Just ask the Apostle Paul.

I also wonder what might have happened if either of these two men had seen the love of Jesus lived out before them. If someone had come alongside of them years before and said, “I’m your friend,” not out of a need to convert somebody but out of a genuine love that expects nothing back in return.

I wonder who will mourn the tragic tale of two lives gone horribly wrong and how they got so blinded that they willingly embraced the lies and the hate that could only lead to nothing but destruction and despair.

I am saddened at the lives lost– all of them. I am glad that justice is served, but that doesn’t mean that I rejoice over death. Even God doesn’t rejoice in the death of the wicked (see Ezekiel 18:23 and Ezekiel 33:11).

Faith shouldn’t ever be about us versus them. It should be about us and God. It should be about who we are and who we would have been apart from the grace of God. It should be about seeing the best in people, not the worst, and helping them to see it, too. It should be about holding on to the Love that is stronger than Evil and Death and Hell and believing that this Love ultimately wins out in the end.

 

 

More About the Whole Waiting Business

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If you’ve ever had to wait for something you wanted, you know how hard it can be.

If you’ve ever been through the process of looking for a job and felt one door after another slamming in your face, you know how discouraging it can feel and begin to doubt yourself a little.

Or maybe you’ve been waiting for that right person for what seems like forever and you’re beginning to think they will never come, you know how sick of heart you can get.

There is nothing that God makes you wait for that won’t be worth it. The fact that it’s taking him this long must mean it’s really good. After all, he did create the whole world in 7 days, so if he’s taking longer than that with your life, you know the result will be spectacular.

The easy thing to do is to give up on yourself, on others, and on God. Don’t.

The hard thing to do is keep trusting, keep believing, and keep holding on to the promise that God always finishes what he starts.

But nothing worthwhile was ever easy. Nothing that matters comes without effort and sweat and blood and tears. Just ask Jesus about what that feels like.

If you can’t trust your whole future to God, just trust him for the next 24 hours and see what happens.

I have to remind myself of a few things because I’m so forgetful and prone to worry.

1) God is good. All the time.

2) God hasn’t forgotten you or where you are.

3) God will complete the good work he started in you.

May we not only learn to wait, but to wait well and expectantly.

 

 

Something Borrowed, Something Blogged

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I got this out of a devotional called Streams in the Desert. It’s from July 26. I hope it speaks to you as loudly and profoundly as it did to me when I first read it.

Enjoy and thank me later.

“There are times when things look very dark to me–so dark that I have to wait even for hope. It is bad enough to wait in hope. A long-deferred fulfillment carries its own pain, but to wait for hope, to see no glimmer of a prospect and yet refuse to despair; to have nothing but night before the casement and yet to keep the casement open for possible stars; to have a vacant place in my heart and yet to allow that place to be filled by no inferior presence–that is the grandest patience in the universe. It is Job in the tempest; it is Abraham on the road to Moriah; it is Moses in the desert of Midian; it is the Son of man in the Garden of Gethsemane.

There is no patience so hard as that which endures, ‘as seeing him who is invisible’; it is the waiting for hope.

You have made waiting beautiful; You have made patience divine. You have taught us that the Father’s will may be received just because it is His will. You have revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own.

Give me this Divine power of Yours, the power of Gethsemane. Give me the power to wait for hope itself, to look out from the casement where there are no stars. Give me the power, when the very joy that was set before me is gone, to stand unconquered amid the night, and say, “To the eye of my Father it is perhaps shining still.” I shall reach the climax of strength when I have learned to wait for hope. –George Matheson

Strive to be one of those–so few–who walk the earth with ever-present consciousness–all mornings, middays, star-times–that the unknown which men call Heaven is “close behind the visible scene of things.”

The Ebb and Flow of Life

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It seems like every area of life has an ebb and flow.

When you’re out looking for a job, one minute you feel like you’re the most talented person out there and could handle any type of job and the next you feel like you don’t have any skills and are basically unhireable.

Or maybe you’re out in the wacky world of dating. Maybe one day you feel good about yourself and your looks and feel confident in your chances. The next day you might feel like no one will ever be attracted to you and you will die single, dateless, and alone.

It could be that in general you have moments where you feel that everything in your life will work out fine and you feel optimistic about your future. Then the next time around you feel like you’re doomed to a series of failures and disappointments.

As with most politics and theology, the truth is somewhere in the middle. You can acknowledge these feelings, but don’t let them run your life or you will be all over the map. Literally. The truth is that your circumstances are usually not as rosy or as bleak as you think they are. You’re not God’s gift to the opposite sex or a leper. You probably won’t go through life with a 100% success or 100% failure rating, but you’ll have a bit of both.

For me, when I get caught up in the ebb and flow of emotions, I’ve learned not to try to deny the feelings or suppress them, but take them to God. I admit that while these feelings seem true, God is truer than any feelings. While feelings are fickle and changeable, God remains the same forever.

I’ve always liked the old saying that goes something like this: work like it’s all up to you and pray like it’s all up to God. In other words, faith means acting on what you believe and going for what God is calling you to, because faith is an active verb.

So keep trusting God when life seems great and when life sucks. Keep praying when you feel like it and when you don’t, when every prayer is answered affirmatively and when your prayers don’t seem to get past the ceiling. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking, regardless of circumstances.

Maybe I’ll take some of my own advice for once.

 

 

An Easter Reboot

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resurrection

“The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace… We must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection” (Henri Nouwen).

The stone was rolled away from the door, not to permit Christ to come out, but to enable the disciples to go in” (Peter Marshall).

Sometimes, it takes Easter to get my mind refocused. Like so many of you, I can get off track so very easily and forget who I am and what I’m here for. I need to be reminded that I am indeed the beloved, the chosen child of God. My purpose is to live that out as best I can, to become what God has already declared me to be.

I take Easter for granted because I already know how the story ends. Or at least I think I do.

In fact, Easter isn’t an end, but a beginning. C. S. Lewis in his book, The Last Battle, said that all of history was merely a title page and a preface. Eternity is the real beginning of the book, where each chapter is better than the last and the story is truly neverending.

Easter reminds me that my forgiveness might have been free for me, but not free. it might have not cost me anything, but it was not without cost. I don’t need to forget that my forgiveness cost God the very highest price and is the most extravagant gift ever given in history. I don’t need to take that lightly or for granted.

Easter also reminds me that failure isn’t final, that goodbyes aren’t forever, and that truth and faith and love and hope all survive the grave and come out stronger on the other side. I guess that’s why I love it so much.

 

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