I Hate Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes.

Even though part of me knows that the ending of one thing often brings the beginning of something new and better, I still want to hold on to the old.

Even though part of me realizes that nothing on this side of eternity can last, I still want little pockets of my life to stay the same, for certain people in my life to always stay the same age and never get older. That’s probably the same part of me that still thinks fat ol’ Santa climbs down the chimney to bring me my presents.

Goodbyes are never easy. Tonight was no exception.

We said goodbye to Mike Glenn as Kairos pastor. I understand that it was time for a change. I understand that Kairos needed fresh blood and a new vision. I understand that you can’t keep doing things the same old way year after year and hope for different outcomes.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think it sucks.

People who have been out there in the dating world know how hard it is to say goodbye to relationships. Sometimes even to the dream of a relationship. It’s gut-wrenchingly hard to say goodbye to loved ones who pass away, like aunts and uncles and parents. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to say goodbye to your child.

The part that I keep holding on to when unexpected (and sometimes unwanted) change comes is that there is no goodbye in God’s love for me. There is no end to that enless love that won’t let me go. It even holds on to me when I’m doing everything in my power to let go of it.

I can’t envision a scenario in any future where goodbye will ever be an easy word to say. I don’t want to ever get used to saying goodbye.

I know when it comes to my Abba Father and His unconditional extravagent love for me, I never will.



Being Patient in 2015

“Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand” (Henri Nouwen).

Patience is easy in theory and much harder in practice. As the old saying goes, you never pray for patience unless you want what little patience you possess to be severely tested. Or in my case, you find out how completely impatient you are.

I do think that patience is not passively waiting. It means you prepare yourself for the future God has in store for you.

That means you confess any sin that might hinder the work of God in your life and you stay daily surrendered to whatever God calls you to and to whoever He calls you to be.

I still suck both at patience and at waiting. Blame it on my ADD. Blame it on my passive nature. I wish I could say that at this point in my life that I’ve mastered these two disciplines. I haven’t.

But I also believe that even when I pray “Lord, I want to believe. Help my unbelief,” even that mustard-size faith– so small it barely registers as faith at all– can move mountains and change the world. It can change my world.

It has never been about big faith in God, or I’d be totally screwed. It’s about faith in a big God who can take the tiniest beginnings of faith and trust and work wonders with those.

Lord, as always, I believe. I want to believe. I try to believe. Help my unbelief.

My Favorite Ending (Other Than in Revelation, Of Course)


Here’s my favorite ending of any book I’ve ever read (not including the Bible, of course):

“Then Aslan turned to them and said: “You do not yet look so happy as I mean you to be.”

Lucy said, “We’re so afraid of being sent away, Aslan. And you have sent us back into our own world so often.”

“No fear of that,” said Aslan. “Have you not guessed?” Their hearts leaped and a wild hope rose within them. “There was a real railway accident,” said Aslan softly. “Your father and mother and all of you are—as you used to call it in the Shadowlands—dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.”

And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

This is from the last book of The Chronicles of Narnia, appropriately called The Last Battle. I heartily recommend that you read all seven of the books in the series and I rarely ever recommend anything heartily. Except Campbell’s Soup maybe.


So Tired 2: 😴


I’m tired again. Funny how that happens every 24 hours or so. Especially when you’re working and meeting friends to go walking on beautiful Monday evenings. Not to mention pinning useless but fun items to Pinterest.

It’s a good kind of tired. It’s a grateful kind of tired. The kind where as exhausted as you are, you’re more grateful at the new opportunities you have.

For me, it’s like an adventure. Maybe not a Tolkien kind with dragons and gold at the end, but new places and new people and paychecks at the end. And just once, it would be so cool to get paid in gold. Just once.

The verse in Psalms says that God gives rest to those He loves. I’m glad it’s worded that way, not to those who love Him. Some days, I’m crazy in love with God and some days I’m apathetic and could care less (which is probably redundant and repititious, right?) Sleep goes to the ones God loves because it’s His love for us holding us together and keeping us going, not the other way around.

So good night, all you out there in La-La-Land. May you find sweet dreams and rest as only your Abba could grant them.

The Second Day of January

image Today is the first real day of 2014.

Yesterday didn’t really count since all the banks were closed and no mail was delivered.

Today is Run Up the Flagpole and See If Anyone Salutes Day. It also happens to be Cream Puff Day, National Science Fiction Day, 55-MPH Speed Limit Day, National Buffet Day (contrary to all those new year resolutions to eat better), and Happy Mew Year for Cats Day. And yes, I found all these on the internet, so they must be legit. 😁

Today just so happened to be Thursday, which makes tomorrow . . . drum roll, please . . . Friday!

It also happens to be that day where the mercies of the Lord are new and re-newed. Like every other morning. Like it say in The Book of Lamentations.

, the faithfulness of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They ARE new every morning (and I bet you just sang that last part). It’s true on January 1 all the way through December 31, in those crazy good days and during those abysmally bad days.

There’s always something good to give thanks for because there’s always God to give thanks for.

be starting up my Bible reading plan again tonight. More on that to come later.

the mean time, you can count your blessings and always find reasons to give thanks, whether it be on January 2 or any other day of the year.