Caring for the Elderly

“To care for the elderly means then that we allow the elderly to make us poor by inviting us to give up the illusion that we created our own life and that nothing or nobody can take it away from us. This poverty, which is an inner detachment, can make us free to receive the old stranger into our lives and make that person into a most intimate friend.

When care has made us poor by detaching us from the illusion of immortality, we can really become present to the elderly. We can then listen to what they say without worrying about how we can answer. We can pay attention to what they have to offer without being concerned about what we can give. We can see what they are in themselves without wondering what we can be for them. When we have emptied ourselves of false occupations and preoccupations, we can offer free space to old strangers, where not only bread and wine but also the story of life can be shared” (Henri Nouwen).

I think I remember reading about different cultures in the past where two or three generations of the same family lived under one roof, and when one got older, the family would take care of that person. I understand that times have changed. I also understand that we live in a very modern Western society where we have facilities for caring for those who can no longer care for themselves.

This is not bashing those institutions or those who place their aging loved ones in such places. This is about how there is a kind of joy that comes from taking care of the elderly. They have so much wisdom from having lived so long. They have stories and pictures and memories to share.

I’d give anything right now to have at least one of my grandparents alive again to be able to listen to them talk for as long as they wanted, to look at old photo albums, listen to old music. I’d even take hearing the same stories told again and again.

This society doesn’t value age very much. We tend to glamorize youth and desperately seek ways to prolong looking and acting young rather than to teach about how blessed it is to grow old gracefully and embrace each stage of your life.

I’m 52, and as much as I want to think I’m still in my 20s, my body reminds me that I’m not. My brain may think I can stay up until 2 am and be okay the next morning, but the rest of me is like, “Are you kidding me right now?”

My church advocates for mentoring between young adults and older adults. I can think of no better way to gain wisdom than from someone who has a lifetime of learning by trial and error and from knowledge and understanding passed down through generations. Hopefully, I can be of value to the next generations as the older generations have been to me.

The best way to learn to love and follow Jesus is to spend time with those who have loved and followed Jesus for a lifetime. My pastor talks about how his love of the Bible and prayer came from watching his own father spend time in the Word preparing for and praying over Sunday School lessons.

That’s not a bad idea.

Random Factoids About Me

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As part of a new discipleship class I am taking at my church, I had to come up with three little known facts about myself. Side note: if you’ve never actually written yours down, I recommend it. It’s fascinating.

1) I have my Masters of Divinity, making me a seminary graduate and officially overeducated and underemployed. But I am proud of my accomplishment and don’t regret a single moment of it.

2) I can whistle and hum at the same time. Demonstrations are available upon request.

3) I am mostly right-handed, but I write left-handed and eat ambidextrously. I likes my food.

4) I am an Eagle Scout. I managed to earn this award one month before I turned 18, which is the age deadline. Yes, I am extremely proud of it.

5) I am owned by one elderly cat who likes to curl up in my lap and hang around me whenever I’m home. Ok, so that’s fairly common knowledge. My little known fact is that I like both cats AND dogs. Why should I have to pick one or the other?

6) I have never broken any bones in my body to this point. I thought I had broken my pinky when I got hit by a car in December 2012, but it was only dislocated.

7) I write a blog every day and have done so since July of 2010. Then again, if you’re reading this, you probably already knew that.

8) I am the beloved of my Abba and He is still very much fond of me after all these years. I haven’t even come close to fathoming how deep and wide and high and long that love is or why it should exist for me. I only know that it does. I also know that He loves you the same way all the time.

There are more that I am probably forgetting. I may come back later and add one or two more as they come to mind or as I am reminded by family members who read this.