Counting Crows and Everything After

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I drove home tonight with a Counting Crows CD playing in my car. I know the hipsters either listen to digital streaming or old-school LPs, but I still like my CDs. And yes, I was singing at the top of my lungs, not caring if I looked ridiculous to the fellow drivers.

Music takes me to a happy place. So does good writing.

I read something today that was written to women, but with a little work, I think I can take away something for me as well. It goes like this:

“You’re fine exactly as you are.
Your curves, words, flaws, strengths, thoughts.
You don’t have to change.
You aren’t fat, stupid, or worthless.
You are you.
You are amazing.
You are wonderful.”

I think those could be God’s words to His children tonight. No wait . . . I know those are God’s words to YOU tonight. Right where you are, sitting in your robe with curlers in your hair. Or sitting in your t-shirt and boxers with hair defying all the laws of gravity.

A random sire note: I spent too much time trying to find this on Pinterest again after I lost it the first time. I wanted to share it with a friend of mine who needs this reminder. I almost forgot that maybe it was me who needed reminding more than anyone else.

God loves you exactly the way you are. That makes you loveable. That makes you valuable. That makes you somebody. That defines and completes and identifies you.

You may need to lose 10 (or more) pounds. You may not always like the person who looks back at you from the other side of the mirror. You may hate your job and your life and even yourself at times.

But you are amazing. You are wonderful. You are beautiful.

And you are the apple of God’s eye, the delight of His heart, and His beloved Daughter or Son.

Don’t ever forget that.

Friends, Frothy Monkey, and Franklin

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A lady I work with remarked that the only good cats were dead ones. Obviously, she’s not a fan of cats. Lord, forgive them for they know not what they’re missin’.

I had another great night in downtown Franklin. I had a spectacular roast beef and provolone sandwich at my very favorite place to eat on Earth, which as you should know by now is McCreary’s Irish Pub. Seeing as I chose to eat at the optimal senior citizen dining time of 4:30 pm, I got prime seating on the patio on a picturesque Autumn afternoon.

Later, I ran into one of my favorite friends who always makes my heart happy when I see her and never fails to encourage me and make me smile. She and her dad were headed over to Sweet CeCe’s for some fro-yo (that is frozen yogurt for the novices out there). I recommended the pumpkin pie flavor, which is exceedingly delightful.

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I had a sweet potato pie latte at Frothy Monkey and sat on the patio while I sipped my little cup of heaven and reveled in just how very blessed I am. If I counted all my blessings, I’d easily surpass the 1,500 I came up with in my Things I Love series. I’d lose count before I ran out of blessings.

I got treated to an organ concert at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. Well, it was more like the organ dude practicing and me showing up at the right time. I prayed a bit, sat still and silent for a bit, and just tried to be in the moment. A girl sat directly across from me, deep in prayer. I still don’t know who she was or what burdens she carried, but I did my best to intercede for her and agree with her in prayer for whatever she was asking from God. It felt like genuine New Testament Church.

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I had ol’ Hank Williams (Sr., not Jr.) providing the soundtrack to my ride home. With the windows down and the volume cranked up. It was magical.

Now I’m sitting here typing this on my iPad while my cat reposes in my lap. To many people’s great and lasting disappointment, she’s not dead. Only very sleepy. Probably dreaming of tuna again.

 

That Old One-Note Symphony of Grace

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I’ll be honest. I sat here staring at my laptop trying to come up with something else. I even scanned the headlines on msn.com in a vain attempt to find some noteworthy news to comment on. Nothing exciting happened today, so I guess I’ll fall back on a familiar topic. Grace.

Grace never gets old for me. It may get old for you reading about me writing about it yet again, but it truly never gets old for me.

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If I lived to be 1,000 years old, I think I’d still be amazed by grace. You’d still catch me dumbfounded, mouth wide open in awe of grace working in my life.

Grace is why I’m not still mired in my own sins and phobias, trapped by my own sense of worthlessness, doomed to stay inside a prison of my own making.

Grace is the smile of God over me and the Everlasting Arms underneath me that keep me going on the good days and gets me through on the bad days.

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Grace sees past the awkward conversations, the good intentions once again executed poorly, the regrets of words not spoken, and all the failures to the perfect end result.

Grace sees the best in me and allows me to see the best in the other and helps bring it out of both of us.

Grace revives dashed hopes, broken dreams, crushed spirits, ruined relationships, and forsaken lives.

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Grace is me not getting what I deserve and getting what I do not deserve– life more abundant and full and satisfying than anything else out there.

Grace means I woke up today with a thousand blessings waiting to be seen through a heart filled with thanksgiving and gratitude and joy.

Grace is my family and my friends loving me, rooting for me, calling out the God-colors in me, and helping me remember the song in my heart when I’ve forgotten the words.

Grace is the setting sun, the autumn breeze, the laughter of children, the old couple still holding hands, the leaves changing colors, and the applause of heaven over one  wayward sinner who comes home.

And grace is mine, all mine.

 

Things I Love 49: Waited On a Line of Greens and Blues

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“How long does it take for your soul to recognize that your life is full? The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can synchronize” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

One important part of learning to living out of eucharisteo is to recognize not every moment will feel like joy. There will be relapses into old ways of thinking– of fear and anger and the need to control and manipulate. It’s okay. Just don’t stay there. Center your mind on the little things you love that make you grateful. Make a list of them. Maybe don’t be quite as OCD as me and list 1,420 (and counting) things, but start small and make a list of 20-25.

1,521) Remembering that no failure is final.

1,522) Chocolate moose tracks ice cream from Purity.

1,523) Little pleasant surprises like getting off work 30 minutes early.

1,524) Finding a retail store called Ragamuffin Shoppe (which turned out to be a children’s clothing store) located off of Cool Springs Blvd.

1,525) Giving one of my blog cards to the person who worked there.

1,526) Walking all the way to the intersection of Cool Springs Blvd and Frazier Drive (even though it was hot and muggy and I sweated like the pig that’s about to be Christmas Day dinner).

1,527) The video I posted today of a cat in a shark costume riding on one of those roomba thingys.

1,528) Not being ashamed to use the word “thingy” when talking about something electronic or mechanical.

1,529) Getting to sleep in tomorrow morning.

1,530) Not having any of those 4-hours-of-sleep kinds of nights lately.

1,531) “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

1,532) The little Snickers frozen ice cream bars.

1,533) Finding out about a book called 14,000 Things to be Happy About from my cousin and one of my favorite people ever, Rachel Johnson.

1,528) My cat Lucy giving me high fives.

1,529) My little Casio portable TV (even though it doesn’t work currently).

1,530) The song “To Be With You” by Mr. Big that brings back memories every time I hear it.

1,531) God’s mighty saving arm that is both strong and long enough to reach me.

1,532) The perfectly ripe banana I had today.

1,533) The video I just posted on Facebook of a 20-month old girl singing along with Elvis’ “An American Trilogy.”

1,534) The peace and quiet at 11:30 pm on a Friday night.

1,535) Not having any plans or money or gas in my car this weekend.

1,536) Not having to work this Saturday.

1,537) Being at peace at the moment.

1,538) Accepting what is, letting go of what was, and having faith in what can be (and knowing God is in all three places still).

1,539) The way Foursquare listed my workplace as Affionion Group.

1,540) The freedom that comes with not caring about appearing foolish in the eyes of others.

1,541) Getting the inside joke for once.

1,542) When other people get my obscure movie and TV show references.

1,543) Having enough of these things I love for 49 (and still counting) posts.

1,544) Not having a sinus headache today.

1,545) Eating at seafood places just for the halibut (you’ll get it if you read it out loud really fast).

1,546) All those cat emoticons on Facebook Messenger.

1,547) Those strong arms of my Abba holding on to me tightly tonight.

1,548) Reading the Bible on the YouVersion app on my iPad 2.

1,549) The dream of owning the Complete Series of Friends on blu ray one day.

1,550) Obviously being a night owl (as I type this at 12:12 am).

Things I Love 37: Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

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“The true Love Dare. To move into His presence and listen to His love unending and know the grace uncontainable. This is the vault of the miracles. The only thing that can change us, the world, is this- all His love” (Ann VoskampOne Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“Grace is alive, living waters. If I dam up the grace, hold the blessings tight, joy within dies… waters that have no life” (Ann VoskampOne Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“The wrinkled man in the wheelchair with the legs wrapped, the girl with her face punctured deep with the teeth marks of a dog, the mess of the world, and I see – this, all this, is what the French call d’un beau affreux, what the Germans call hubsch-hasslich – the ugly-beautiful. That which is perceived as ugly transfigures into beautiful. What the post-impressionist painter Paul Gauguin expressed as ‘Le laid peut etre beau’ – The ugly can be beautiful. The dark can give birth to life; suffering can deliver grace” (Ann VoskampOne Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I suppose that any normal or sane person would have given up this series of blogs by now. I mean after all, I’ve achieved what I set out to do in naming one thousand gifts, or blessings, or things I’m thankful for and love. But I have never been a normal person. And as for insanity? I don’t suffer from it at all. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Starting at #1,106.

1,106) Hitting 30,000 views on my blog that I started on a lark and never really imagined anyone who wasn’t related to me would find even remotely interesting.

1,107) Marathons of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies on TCM.

1,108) The new car smell.

1,109) People who don’t give up on their dreams even when everything in them and around them tells them to.

1,110) The God who is bigger than the universe knowing when one tiny sparrow falls.

1,111) The amazing talent of Buddy Holly that cut too short by his untimely death.

1,112) Sitting inside of a brand new Camero convertible that I will probably never be able to afford.

1,113) Free music downloads.

1,114) Knowing that all the people I truly care about woke up this morning.

1,115) Rooms lit solely by candlelight.

1,116) Whenever Aslan breathes on someone and their fears melt away.

1,117) “True Companion” by Marc Cohn, which will be in my wedding whenever I find a future Mrs.

1,118) A well-placed pun.

1,119) Rain beading on the leaves of a tree after rain.

1,120) Just about anything Art Deco.

1,121) That the religious leaders and the Romans and death and hell couldn’t keep Jesus down, because “That’s my King!”

1,122) Reading a good book at night just before I fall asleep.

1,123) Being signed by my Creator and knowing that means I am priceless.

1,124) People who love animals.

1,125) Not having to listen to or hear about politics of any sort.

1,126) Common sense (even though it isn’t all that common these days).

1,127) The ways God has of keeping me humble.

1,128) That at this very moment someone could be saying an eternal “Yes” to Jesus.

1,129) The vision in Revelation of every tongue and every tribe being represented before the throne of God in heaven.

1,130) Seeing a well-made movie adaptation of a good book, such as The Hunger Games.

1,131) The look of a newly-mowed lawn.

1,132) Sharing my favorite books with other people.

1,133) Having Charity as the person who cuts my hair.

1,134) Big Momma’s Pancake Breakfast at Cracker Barrel.

1,135) Zero candy bars (even though they’re not easy to find anymore).

1,136) Natural health remedies.

1,137) Getting the scoop about a movie on Rotten Tomatoes.

1,138) Not taking life for granted anymore.

1,139) That God never takes me for granted ever.

1,140) That I’ll be sleeping in about 20-30 minutes from now.

Things I Love 32: Everything Will Be Fine in the End

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“The prayers we weave into the matching of socks, the stirring of oatmeal, the reading of stories, they survive fire” (Ann Voskamp).

“I don’t really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done-yesterday” (Ann Voskamp).

The way I figure it, I have only two of these left. Then again, I was never good at math. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be a rebel and add one extra just for the fun of it. Why stop at 1,000? Why stop at all? Gratitude means you never stop counting your blessings that you become aware of as you number them one by one. So that said, I start again at #936.

936) Making my triumphant return to swing dancing tonight at Centennial Park.

937) How anyone who has ever worked in a corporate environment can relate to the movie Office Space.

938) The Greek on the GO! Strawberry Granola Bites. You can’t have just one. Or at least I can’t.

939) Whenever my family gets together.

940) That I’m losing my mind and as long as I don’t lose the part that tells me when to pee, I’ll be just fine.

941) Reading The Horse and His Boy again for probably the 15th year in a row.

942) Having “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” as my new text and email alert on my iPhone.

943) Mild summer days with low humidity.

944) Having my only expectations be that God will keep all His promises to me.

945) The Dream of someone.

946) Using Inappropriately Captalized Letters At Random.

947) Having access to the Throne of Grace 24 hours 7 days a week.

948) Sometimes my only mode of transportation is a leap of faith (borrowed from a Facebook post).

949) That I don’t have to fire cannons to call attention to my shining; all I have to do is shine (from D. L. Moody).

950) Borrowing quotes and ideas from people on Facebook.

951) Being able to highlight verses in my YouVersion Bible app on my iPhone.

952) Having all my Christmas music on my laptop in case I ever feel the need for Christmas in July (or August).

953) Office chairs that swivel and spin.

954) Saturdays when it’s not raining.

955) Ditto for Sundays.

956) Not having been hit by any cars in the last 6 months.

957) Being alone and praying in Baskin Chapel at Brentwood Baptist Church.

958) Every time someone accepts my friend request on Facebook.

959) The way when I’m in a serious moment of silence and my stomach suddenly decides to do a spot-on impression of a whale’s mating call (borrowed this one from Pinterest).

960) That the walk of faith is not about seeing the whole journey but taking the next step.

961) That my hope isn’t in a President but a King.

962) Knowing the Kingdom of God is now and not yet.

963) Nerds candy.

964) Big League Chew bubble gum.

965) Meeting an Asian person who hates all Asian food (and thus busting another stereotype).

966) Asian food of just about any kind.

967) All George MacDonald’s fantasy stories.

968) How much I can relate to John Cusack’s characters in just about every one of his movies.

969) Living in the moment and finding God there.

970) My friend at Ultimate Frisbee who looks like Amanda Seyfried and who always makes me smile.

Things I Love 28: ‘Cause It’s The End of The World As We Know It . . . And I Feel Fine

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“When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us?” (Ann VoskampOne Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)

I think part of joy is being okay with not knowing the answers or how any given story within the Greater Story will end. It’s having peace in the midst of so much that remains unresolved and unexplained. And if that doesn’t work, eat a cookie. That always makes me feel better. So here we are coming down to the last few blogs of the series, starting at #801.

801) That a colossal and epic fiasco such as King David could be called later “a man after God’s own heart,” proving that what matters isn’t so much how big your failure was, but how great God is to turn even that into something praiseworthy and good.

802) The avocado lime ranch dressing I had on my Cobb salad tonight at Chick-fil-A.

803) The fact that Aslan a.k.a. Jesus isn’t safe but He’s good.

804) The amazing illustrations by Alan Lee in the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit commemorative editions.

805) When in the middle of an already fantastic Buddy Miller/Jim Lauderdale/Patty Griffin concert they brought out Robert Plant to do a few songs. Only in Nashville.

806) Walking in downtown Nashville at night in the rain.

807) How the love of Abba Father for His children will never come to an end.

808) Looking through old high school and college yearbooks.

809) The Neverending Story.

810) When my church celebrates those rare couples who have been married 50 years or longer (and how much collective wisdom is in one room at one time on those nights).

811) Thinking about a particular song and then hearing it on the radio.

812) Tuesday nights.

813) Nights that turn into mornings, friends that turn into family, dreams that turn into reality, and likes that turn into love (borrowed from a Facebook post).

814) The episode of Friends with the couch– “Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!”

815) Reading through the Catholic Bible in 2013 (or as I like to call it, The Director’s Cut of the Bible).

816) That if I love God with everything and love my neighbor as I love myself I fulfill the Whole Law.

817) That Jesus already fulfilled the Whole Law in my place and traded His perfection for my poor efforts.

818) Heaven being described as that feeling you get on the first day of summer break from school and knowing that feeling will last forever.

819) The neverending possibility of God breaking through into my life at any moment.

820) Cheese crackers.

821) Having a car with 127,000 miles on it.

822) Being left-handed (at least when it comes to writing and eating).

823) The way Mike Glenn used the lyrics to a Jackson Browne song so effectively in his sermon last Sunday.

824) Marvin the Martian and his tennis shoes always wanting to blow up the Earth.

825) Not being married to any of the Kardashians.

826) The occasional scary movie.

827) Everything Elvis ever recorded at Sun Studio.

828) Johnny Cash’s autobiography (the one called Cash).

829) The way my cat looks at me sometimes as if to say, “Seriously, dude?”

830) The recent fact I learned that every face you dream about is of someone you’ve seen before, even if only for a fleeting moment.

831) Mustard-sized faith that moves mountains.

832) Just about all the movies Tom Hanks made in the 80’s.

833) Always having a second chance because of Jesus.

834) The movie Clueless.

835) “The Living Years” by Mike + The Mechanics.

Things I Love 26: Sowing the Seeds of Love

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“A life contemplating the blessings of Christ becomes a life acting the love of Christ” (Ann Voskamp).

“…life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change” (Ann Voskamp).

I think for me two of the biggest agents of change have been 1) letting go of expectations of others and 2) receiving all of life as a gift. Making this list has changed my outlook. I have too many blessings to not see God in my daily world. I have been blessed too much not to want to be a conduit of blessing to others. That said, the list picks up at #726

726) God using me in the lives of those around me who don’t know Jesus to be Jesus to them.

727) The moment when you realize that the headache is gone.

728) Unplanned naps on Sunday afternoons.

729) Any time I get a chance to have a conversation with my smart and funny friend Alex.

730) Getting compliments on my t-shirts.

731) Not being naked in public.

732) The anticipation of coming to a good part in a book I’ve already read before.

733) Old Glenn Miller recordings.

734) Those pens that have the four different colors of ink.

735) Finding something of mine that I thought was lost forever.

736) That everybody doesn’t think like I do.

737) The smell of a freshly painted room.

738) The way Jesus told the best stories.

739) Gibson’s Donuts (even though there aren’t any in Nashville . . . yet).

740) The scent of honeysuckle in the air.

741) Picking blackberries in summer.

742) Being a Bapticostalicopalean (Baptist+Pentecostal+Catholic+Episcopalian) at heart.

743) Dreams that refuse to die.

744) Goat cheese.

745) The idea of changing the world by changing one person’s world.

746) Hearing people’s stories of how Jesus found and rescued them.

747) Seeing the glow of a person coming out of the baptismal waters a new creation in Christ.

748) The smell of the tire section at Costco.

749) Road trips.

750) Capturing a moment and a feeling inside a photograph.

751) Old graveyards.

752) My book of Emily Dickinson poems that I’ve somehow managed to misplace.

753) That I’m over 3/4 of the way through my list.

754) The freedom of finally being able to forgive myself for not being perfect.

755) Wintergreen or spearmint gum.

756) A now discontinued flavor of Snapple called Ralph’s Cantaloupe Cocktail that actually tasted just like cantaloupes.

757) Memories of riding standing up on the back of my dad’s old pickup truck with Murphy the black lab in the middle, grinning like an idiot and loving every minute of it (I meant the dog, but I’m sure I was smiling a mile wide, too)

758) Finding one Dorothy Sayers’ Lord Peter Wimsey mystery novels in hardback at a used bookshop.

759) People who always give me the benefit of the doubt.

760) Those Market Fresh BLTs from Arby’s.

Things I Love 13: Not Written on a Friday Nor on the 13th

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I normally make some witty and socially relevant comment right about now, but we’re skipping that to get to the list. I do want to get to 1,000 before I’m 80. So we’re starting this one at #293.

293) The moment when gratitude wins out over self-pity, hurt, and anger.

294) Knowing I can never go back to the way things used to be but that the future will be so much better.

295) Iced Tazo Tea Lemonade and sympathetic baristas.

296) Condemning words and harsh unforgiving texts no longer will define who I am or wreck my life.

297) The idea that one day one girl out there will not only want to go out with me on a date, but will actually want to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife.

298) Christmasy candles that fill the air with apple and pumpkin spice aromas.

299) I’ve gotten so used to typing instead of writing that I automatically expect to see that red little line under a word when I’ve misspelled it.

300) The word phonetics isn’t spelled phonetically (otherwise it would be spelled starting with an f).

301) Alanis Morissette’s song Ironic contains no actual ironies– now, isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think?

302) Lost hopes restored and broken dreams reborn.

303) Candy Crush Saga– and yes, I can quit at any time.

304) Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

305) My sister, who is much prettier than Joan Jett.

306) Fruit Ninja.

307) Hearing Emmylou Harris sing just about ANYTHING.

308) Someone will read these lists and be inspired to start one of their own.

309) The beauty of seeing a classic film in the high definition format of blu ray and noticing details and textures that even the original movie audiences would have missed.

310) I’m a guy who has Breakfast at Tiffany’s in his top five movie list and am comfortable with that.

311) Still knowing all the words to the Don McLean song American Pie.

312) Knowing just about all the lines from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.

313) Any movie starring both Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra.

314) A perfect God using imperfect people to accomplish his purposes in the world.

315) God using nobodies to shame the who’s who and turn the world right-side up again.

316) Even the worst commercials are only 30 seconds long (or on rare occasion, 1 minute).

317) Chillin’ like a villain.

318) Being like Phoebe Buffay from the TV show friends (in personality, not looks, in case you were confused).

319) Cereal at midnight.

320) One day God will wipe every tear from every  eye and everything wrong will be made right again.

321) Being me.

What Happens Next?

Recently, I admitted to someone that I had feelings for her. It took a lot of courage and bravery for me to do that and my mind ran through the gamut of responses I would receive from “I never want to see or talk to you again and I’m getting a restraining order against you,” to “I love you, my strong handsome hunk of man. Let’s go right now to Vegas and get married.” OK, I didn’t really seriously consider that last one. But I did hope she liked me the same way I liked her.

She didn’t. It turns out there’s a guy she’s interested in. And that’s okay. I can pray for God’s will in that relationship and still be good friends with her. I call that a win.

I allowed myself a process of letting the grief come. I went into Baskin Chapel at my church and knelt down and let the tears come. I grieved over saying goodbye to a dream that felt so good and so right. Then I got up and moved on.

I’m not saying we won’t ever ever be more than friends ever. God is still God and he’s still in control. I’m still praying the prayer that never fails– Your will be done.

But it’s good to know that God’s got me in this. Even through the joy and peace mixed with hurt and sadness, I know God is right here with me. I know I’m not falling apart only by his amazing grace.

Maybe I’ll meet someone else and start the process over. I hope so. One thing I know for certain that there’s no time that my God won’t be with me and there’s nothing he can’t work for my good and his glory. I still believe that the best is still yet to come and God’s not even close to being finished with me.

I’m still living my miracle.