desires

The Will of God

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“Outside the will of God, there’s nothing I want. Inside the will of God, there’s nothing I fear” (A. W. Tozer).

That’s where I want to be, but I’m not there yet. If I’m honest, I must confess that I probably have desires that are outside of the will of God. I also understand that anything outside of the will of God that seems good to me probably won’t be.

I love the fact that God in His plan factored in dummies like me. I don’t mean that I lack intelligence or common sense, but sometimes I can be thick-headed when it comes to the ways of God and what He wants for me. I think all of us are that way to one degree or another.

The problem is that I think too highly of what I want and not highly enough of what God wants. If I truly knew what God wants and saw what God sees, I’d want what God wants. I’d love what God loves. I’d ask for what God wills to give me.

So in one sense praying for God’s will is dangerous and in one sense it’s not. It will definitely take you out of your comfort zone and bring you to places and people that you would not have chosen for yourself. It’s also the safest place you can be outside of heaven.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased” (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, and Other Addresses).

So Close

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Every year, I dutifully fill in my brackets for the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament held around this time every year. Usually, I fill in quite a few — some serious, some off-the-wall, some in-between. Usually by this point, all my brackets are toast, and I’m hoping for some Cinderella team to pull off the improbable win.

This year, there were no Cinderella teams. No double-digit seeds that got to the Final Four. No underdogs tugging at everyone’s heartstrings. It was the usual top seeds that made it to the end. That made it a little less exciting for the games, but a little more helpful for the brackets.

One bracket was shaping up nicely. I had correctly picked all 8 of the Elite Eight teams, all 4 of the Final Four teams, and was one down, one to go for the Championship round. If it had all gone to plan, this would have been my best bracket ever.

Unfortunately, it did not go to plan. One of the teams I picked to advance, Duke, was actually leading up until the final few minutes. The other team, Houston, made an improbable comeback and won the game, dashing my bracket once and for all.

That’s life. At least a lot of life is like that. You almost get that one thing you really want, but not quite. You get the marriage or the house or the car, and it’s every bit of what you dreamed it would be — almost. It’s like we have desires that nothing in this world can quite satisfy.

C. S. Lewis said that if we have those desires that can’t be gratified by anything in this world, it means we were made for another world. Anything this side of heaven is only a type and a shadow of the real thing in heaven. Our ultimate longing and desire can only be found in God.

Of course, some of the things I really thought I wanted or needed to have I didn’t get because God knew better. Some of the kindest words God ever says to me are Him telling me no to a request that if I got what I asked for would destroy me. At least it would not be good for me. Also, I can’t really ask God to give me anything outside of Himself that’s as good as God, because that thing or person doesn’t exist. I think C. S. Lewis said that, too.

Anyway, I’m already looking forward to filling out multiple brackets in 2026 and hoping for that one miracle bracket. My golden ticket, if you will. I suppose I can dream, can’t I?

The Soliloquy of Prayer

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They tell me, Lord, that when I seem
To be in speech with you,
Since but one voice is heard, it’s all a dream,
One talker aping two.

Sometimes it is, yet not as they
Conceive it. Rather, I
Seek in myself the things I hoped to say,
But lo!, my wells are dry.

Then, seeing me empty, you forsake
The listener’s role and through
My dumb lips breathe and into utterance wake
The thoughts I never knew

And thus you neither need reply
Nor can; thus, while we seem
Two talkers, though are One forever, and I
No dreamer, but thy dream” (Unknown, quoted in Letters to Malcolm by C. S. Lewis).

That’s how prayer works for me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m talking to the ceiling. My words can’t possibly be reaching God’s ears, and if they are, He doesn’t seem to hear. But then I remember that God is not just in some faraway heaven beyond all time and space. He’s in the room with me.

Other times, my prayers seem to come from somewhere else. I find myself praying words the same way an actor speaks lines written by another. It’s as if God Himself is giving me the very words to speak to Him the desires of my heart.

Often, I will rattle off a list of my own requests and desires and then give God no time to reply. Even then, I think He hears the heart cry behind the list. He is way more patient with me than I am with Him most of the time.

On occasion, I won’t even be able to speak. Either through grief or fear, I can’t find the words. In those moments, the Holy Spirit and Jesus intercede for me in those groanings too deep for words.

Whatever the case, I am never alone. If there is but one voice speaking, it’s not mine, but God praying through me to God who hears and honors the request. Not God in the sense of me and all things are a part of God, but God as holy and totally other who still dwells in me and makes Himself known to me. That God.

The Ultimate Longing 

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“For all my wanting, I don’t have anyone but You in heaven. There is nothing on earth that I desire other than You. I admit how broken I am in body and spirit, but God is my strength, and He will be mine forever” (Psalm 73:25-26 VOICE).

Ultimately, that’s it. No matter how you are at the moment or how well you think you’re doing, the real victory is living out of God’s strength instead of your own.

Every desire of mine, whether I acknowledge it or not, finds its ultimate fulfillment in God.

I see more now that all those unfulfilled desires and unrequited dreams really all were longings for what only God could grant.

Even when I got exactly what I thought I wanted at the time, it always turned out to be less than satisfactory because a thing can never deliver the true joy and happiness that God can.

That’s my prayer for you– that you understand more deeply that when a longing is denied or a dream gets dashed to pieces, that the deepest yearnings at the heart of those desires are all rooted in the person of Jesus.

May you find that God is more satisfying and gratifying than anything and everything this whole world has to offer. You find true contentment when you finally grasp that God Himself with nothing else added is enough.

That’s what Lent is truly about– abstaining from good things to find joy in the best things and making room in your heart and soul for God to speak and breathe and inhabit.

I’ve managed to make it through one whole day without any social media and I live to tell the tale (even if there was a little bit of withdrawal). If I can do it, I know you can.

 

 

Contentment Isn’t Just for Cows

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“I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am” (Philippians 4:12-13,  The Message).

Contentment is the new counterculture. It flies in the face of every ad and billboard and commercial that screams that in order to be happy, you need to buy this one thing or eat at this one place or drink this beverage. Contentment says no thanks, I already have enough. Contentment is a radical idea. If you really want to annoy people, especially the ones who always seem to be in a hurry, practice contentment. It’ll drive them nuts.

 

I’m content because I’ve learned that God is enough. It’s true that God plus everything you’ve ever dreamed of is really no more than God plus nothing else, because all your deepest desires and dreams find their ultimate fulfillment in the person of Jesus.

Contentment comes from realizing that the best things can’t be bought or sold or even possessed. They can only be appreciated and loved and cherished. They aren’t even things, but relationships and people and memories. You are not the sum of your possessions and your wealth but of your relationships and experiences and memories.

If you want to be radical, learn to be content. It’s definitely the least stressful way to live that I can think of (aside from being comatose, which I imagine is fairly stress-free).

“Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you” (Lao Tzu).

What’s In Your Hands, Kairos-Style

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Mike Glenn spoke about a boy with some bread and fish. Actually, he spoke about the parable of the feeding of the 5,000 from Mark 6, but that story wouldn’t have been possible without that boy who had the five loaves of bread and two fishes. Ok, Jesus probably could have conjured up a feast out of nothing, but he chose to use the obedience of this one little boy to bless a hungry multitude.

In the end, the too few with the too little had fed the too many with too much left at the end (as Dr. Glenn put it). What started out as as the dollar menu special from Captain D’s ended up with twelve baskets of leftovers, one for each disciple.

That said, I have to ask myself one question. Maybe this question is for you: what do you have in your hands?

Maybe to us it doesn’t seem like much. Maybe it seems like practically nothing. When you’re dealing with anywhere from 17,000-20,000 people (including the 5,000 men that Mark mentions in the story), two fish and five loaves of bread aren’t going to go very far.

Maybe what you have in terms of talents, gifts, passions, and desires seems very inadequate for God to use. But then, God’s not interested in your abilities and talents and much as your availabilities and willingness to serve.

Jesus took those twelve uneducated disciples and poured His life into them. In the end, they were twelve who went out and turned the world upside down (or more accurately, turned an already upside down world right-side up again).

Who knows what God can do with that paltry offering you hold in your two hands? Who knows the far-reaching impact of your small sacrifices, far beyond anything you can imagine or will probably ever know, to reach people you never dreamed of reaching and touch far more lives than you ever thought possible.

So when God comes calling, and He will, open up your hands and give Him what you have. Then be prepared to be amazed at what He does with it.

 

When You Can’t Think of Any Good Blog Ideas . . . .

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Since I am fresh out of original material, I thought I’d pick the brain of one C. S. Lewis and see if he has anything worthwhile to say. I found this in an email and thought it worthy enough to share with you. Plus, it uses words like solecism, which I’m going to have to look up now because I have no idea what it means. Here goes:

“If the world exists not chiefly that we may love God but that God may love us, yet that very fact, on a deeper level, is so for our sakes. If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed. Before and behind all the relations of God to man, as we now learn them from Christianity, yawns the abyss of a Divine act of pure giving—the election of man, from nonentity, to be the beloved of God, and therefore (in some sense) the needed and desired of God, who but for that act needs and desires nothing, since He eternally has, and is, all goodness. And that act is for our sakes. It is good for us to know love; and best for us to know the love of the best object, God. But to know it as a love in which we were primarily the wooers and God the wooed, in which we sought and He was found, in which His conformity to our needs, not ours to His, came first, would be to know it in a form false to the very nature of things. For we are only creatures: our role must always be that of patient to agent, female to male, mirror to light, echo to voice. Our highest activity must be response, not initiative. To experience the love of God in a true, and not an illusory form, is therefore to experience it as our surrender to His demand, our conformity to His desire: to experience it in the opposite way is, as it were, a solecism against the grammar of being.”

I looked up solecism. According to my handy-dandy Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means “an ungrammatical combination of words in a sentence.” In other words, to experience the love of God in an illusory form is basically to go against the very fabric of our existence. Or something like that.

The fact that God created us and redeemed us and loves us for no other reason than He chooses to do so blows my mind. God didn’t– and still doesn’t– need me but He still wants me. He still wants you, even when it seems nobody else does.

That’s a good thought to take with you as you drift into dreamland tonight.

 

A Beautiful Borrowed Lenten Prayer

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Nouwen

 

I found this Lenten prayer from Henri Nouwen when checking my email. I’m subscribed to a site that sends me a daily quote of his because I am a huge fan of his writing. This one spoke powerfully to me and echoed my own thoughts better than I could ever express them. It seems very appropriate for this Ash Wednesday.

“The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.

I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.

I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.

Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me. Amen.”

I could only add that God would give me the discipline to take the time I normally spend on social media and use it to delve into His Word and not just read words but to have my mind and heart transformed by what I read.

 

Another Day at McKay’s

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I spent the afternoon in one of my favorite places on earth. For those who are unaware of my recent history, that would be a tiny used bookstore in West Nashville called McKay’s. And for those of you unfamiliar with Nashville, I use the word “tiny” in the most non literal sense of the word possible. The place is HUGE. It’s ginormous.

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I traded in more movies and came home with a load of new treasures. And yes, I kept my salivating to a minimum. For a book/DVD/CD nerd, that’s not easy. It’s like walking into used heaven.

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I picked up seasons 1-3 of Absolutely Fabulous, the complete series of Twin Peaks, season 2 of The Walking Dead, and the first series of A Fine Romance. I added Billie Holiday. Led Zeppelin, Marvin Gaye, Bob Dylan, and The Beach Boys to my vast and varied music collection.

It was a very good day.

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As always, I went in looking for one thing and came out with another. Kinda like when you go to Target for toothpaste and walk out with 15 items (but no toothpaste).

I’ve learned life with God is like that. I think I need to be dating like yesterday. He thinks I need to learn to love being me and grow in grace a bit more. I want a big salary and lots of moolah. He wants me dependent on Him in every moment.

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I’ve learned (or am still learning to be more honest) that God’s ways are 100% better than mine 100% of the time. I think I want to much, but God sees my dreams and desires not as too big but as too small. Too limited and narrow and self-focused. God has a much bigger picture in mind, a much better dream, much grander desires for me.

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And I still have $1.33 left over in credit.

PS I had a scary moment in the parking lot. I got to my car and realized I had locked it with my keys inside. 😮 Then I just “happened” to remember that I had stuck a spare key in my pocket this morning without really thinking about it.

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I guess God had this afternoon in mind when He put that thought in my noggin. I definitely outsmarted myself again. One small heart attack and one call to AAA and one possible LONG wait averted.

Life is good, God is great, and I am still blessed.

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Another prayer from Henri Nouwen (with my own commentary added)

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“I pray tonight for all who witness for you in this world: ministers, priests, and bishops, men and women who have dedicated their lives to you, and all those who try to bring the light of the Gospel into the darkness of this age. Give them courage, strength, perseverance, and hope; fill their hearts and minds with the knowledge of your presence, and let them experience your name as their refuge from all dangers. Most of all, give them the joy of your Spirit, so that wherever they go and whomever they meet they will remove the veil of depression, fatalism, and defeatism and will bring new life to the many who live in constant fear of death. Lord, be with all who bring the Good News. Amen.” (Henri Nouwen)

As the old saying goes (or maybe a new one that I just made up), when you can’t think of anything original, borrow and steal from smarter people than you. Actually, this prayer of Henri Nouwen’s is my prayer, said better than I could ever say it on my own, for my friends who are going out and making disciples of all nations, starting in Nashville and ending up in the uttermost parts of the earth. You inspire me to want to do a lot more than I’m doing right now.

Who knows what God has in store for me or you or anyone? I’ve learned that whatever it is, it’s usually way different than what we thought it would be, and way better. So go with it. Jesus calls us to die every day to our rights and desires and dreams and hopes, so that we can live in God’s greater dream for us. As Oswald Chambers wrote, “Trust God and do the next thing.”

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.