demons

Philip Seymour Hoffman and the Struggle for Authenticity

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I was deeply saddened when I read of the passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman, one of the best character actors around. I like many of you was shocked to find out that drugs, and more specifically heroin, were the culprit for his demise.

I thought, “Why in the world would a guy as successful and talented as that need to medicate with drugs? What could possibly be so bad about his life?”

Then I read a blog or two about him that opened my eyes. I’ll do my best to simplify what I read there without plagiarizing anything or anyone.

Sometimes, character actors can lose themselves in their roles. They almost literally become the characters they’re portraying. Which is all well and good until it comes time to be yourself again.

I wonder if Philip had forgotten how to live in his own skin as himself? Or maybe he didn’t like who he was and preferred to live as someone else?

I know like so many addicts, he probably at some point chose the drug, but after a while it stopped being a choice. Unless the drug was the one who chose him.

I’m sure he hated the drug that he craved at the same time. Maybe he felt he was too far gone to save, too deep in his addiction to find a way out. Maybe he didn’t feel like he could let anyone into his battle with drugs and felt like he had to fight alone.

I’m speculating a lot here.

But I do know this. Jesus came to set the captives free.

He came for the addict. He came for the self-abuser. He came for those who don’t like what they see in the mirror and who don’t like themselves very much.

I’m not going to speculate as to whether Mr. Hoffman knew Jesus or not. Many believers get just as caught up in addictions and have just as many character flaws as anyone else.

I will say that God is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit. He’s near to those who cry out of desperation and deep need.

If you’re trapped in addiction, get help. Don’t fight your demons alone. And know that God is the champion of the downtrodden and distraught, the losers and underdogs, those who just can’t get their messes cleaned up or their lives figured out.

Last of all, remember that it’s only by the grace of God that it’s not you or me lying dead in a bathroom with a heroin-filled needle stuck in our arms. Only the grace of God keeps any of us alive and wakes us up in the morning.

Yeah, I still love the grace of God.

Revisiting the Old Fears

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All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends” (Ann Voskamp).

Sometimes they do come back.

I’m talking about fears. Every so often, you will run into one of those along your path, usually when you least expect it and thought you had dealt with it.

Here’s a few examples.

Someone stops responding to your texts. The fear says, “See? You’ve offended that person in some way. You’ve ruined the relationship and it will never again be the same.”

A good friend moves to another town. “The fear moved in and whispers, “She won’t tell you to your face, but the real reason she moved was to get away from you.”

The one that dogged me for years was this: “Every one will eventually abandon you. Once they’ve seen what you’re really like, they won’t want to have anything more to do with you. They’ll start by growing distant with you and then disappear altogether. Nothing you do matters. No one notices anything you say. You might as well never have been born.”

Or maybe your fear goes like this: “You’re not worth someone’s love. No one could ever be attracted to you. You are repulsive to the opposite sex. You will always be alone.”

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Fear lies. That’s its nature.

Fear doesn’t come from God. Ever. Fear comes from the father of lies and means to keep you from God, imprisoned in your anxieties and phobias

Remember, perfect love casts out fear. And you are perfectly loved, just as you are, not as you should be or could be.

Name the fear. Expose it. Demons die in the light. Rebuke that fear OUT LOUD in the name of Jesus.

You in and of yourself will never defeat fear, but the power of Christ in you has already beaten it once and for all. That power is yours now to claim.

If you’ve allowed yourself to be mastered again to that fear, repent and move forward. Shame is a close relative of fear and is just as bent on keeping you away from God. Shame is also a defeated foe.

You as a child of God fight not for victory but FROM it. Keep that in mind and have a blessed Monday!

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For Whitney: The Questions None of Us Can Ever Escape

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I watched most of Whitney Houston’s funeral. I kept thinking the whole time, “This shouldn’t be happening. This should be the funeral of someone much older who had lived a full life and was ready to go.” If Whitney was in the news, it should be that her comeback album was due and how she was sounding better than ever.

But that was not the case.

Kevin Costner’s tribute resonated with me the most. He said that when she was auditioning for the leading female role in the bodyguard, she was plagued with insecurities. She kept asking, “Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Will people like me?” Those were the questions she had asked all her life.

For so many of us, we ask those same questions. I personally have never asked if I was pretty enough, but I did wonder if I really had what it takes and if I could ever be attractive to the opposite sex.

Sadly, many look for answers in the wrong places. Too many seek to numb the pain of the questions when they can’t find the answers. Whitney’s own struggles with her own demons were ones she couldn’t overcome in the end.

I am thankful I can look at my faith and find the answers to these questions. I’m thankful that when Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life,” He meant it.

Whitney, if I could tell you anything, it would be this. Yes, you were more than good enough; you were great. You were more than pretty enough; you were beautiful. You were so much more than liked; you were loved by so many.

Not because you could sing better than just about anybody who has ever lived. Not because you were beautiful and had that breathtaking smile that made us believe what you sang about.

Not because you sold millions of albums or had sold-out concerts or had those 7 #1 singles in a row. It was because you were a child of the King. It was because Jesus loved you before you were even born and set His affections on you from the very beginning.

Jesus loved you through it all, the good and bad days. Even when you were hopelessly addicted to drugs and alcohol. Even when you had wrecked your once-glorious voice. Even when you had become a running joke to the media.

And Jesus loves you still. Nothing will ever change that.

I can’t speak to Whitney in person, but I can speak to millions of teenage Whitneys out there, crying for someone to tell them they are good enough and pretty enough and to love them for who they are.

Jesus does. He can take the most wrecked and ruined life and transform it into something more beautiful than anything you can imagine. He can take your very worst moment and turn that into the first sentence of your testimony.

Whitney, you may have lost the battle to drugs, but you won the war in Jesus. You are now free from those fears and anxieties you never could shake, those painful memories that haunted you, those voices that not even cocaine and alcohol could drown out.

As I heard in the funeral, it seems like death had the last word. But Love is so much stronger than death, for Jesus disarmed it completely when He stepped out of the grave on Easter Sunday morning.

The legacy of your music and your love for Jesus will outlive the drugs and alcohol and scandal. You fought the good fight and God looked down and saw it was time for you to come Home.

Rest in the arms of your Abba Father tonight, Whitney.