confession

The First Letter to My Future Wife in 2013

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I have a confession to make to you. I actually gave up on you for a little while. I gave up hope that I would ever meet you. But now I have hope again.

It may the tiniest bit of hope, but it’s there. It may not always be visible, but it’s strong enough to hold on to. I will never give up believing in you and praying for you until the day I meet you.

At this rate, we may both be 80-something and senile, but we’ll have fun– at least for a little while.

Don’t give up on me either. Don’t quit praying for me as I won’t give up praying for you. May we both commit to growing closer to Jesus and by that way grow closer to each other. May your first desire not be to find me, but to seek after and hold on to and treasure Jesus for all he’s worth. May that be my first desire, too.

I’ll be honest. Right now, meeting you seems like an impossibility, humanly speaking. But I believe that God is at his best at making the impossible possible. So I keep hoping. And praying. And waiting.

I pray that I don’t find you until I’m ready to love you like I’m supposed to love you. Like Jesus loved his bride and laid down his life for her. Like he will call me to love you when I meet you.

Until then, my hope is secure in the only place that can’t be shaken. It’s in God himself. I pray yours is, too.

 

 

Downton Abbey, Or Why I Fell for All The Hype

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DowntonAbbey

I didn’t know what to make of the show Downton Abbey. At first, I kept thinking it was Downtown Abbey, which sounded like one of those murder-mystery series featuring a crime-solving nun (who would also happen to have quite the British wit about her).

But I borrowed the first two seasons from a friend and now I’m hooked. It’s a little like all those period films like Howard’s End and Gosford Park, but the storyline is unique. And Maggie Smith is completely fantastic as always.

My favorite part is when Bates throws his leg brace into the lake. He had been going about his business, grimacing a lot and telling the others that he was perfectly fine. He was not.

I wonder how many times I’ve done that, carrying around a lot of secret pain and guilt and telling everyone who asked, “Oh, I’m fine.”

Or maybe it’s a secret struggle that you carry around. One that you’re sure you’re the only one who’s ever had to wrestle with. It could be a shameful mistake you can’t forgive yourself over. It could be words better left unspoken (or maybe words left unspoken that you wish you’d said).

The best part is that you don’t have to carry this load alone. You can find others who understand and share your burdens. Best of all, God already knows what you’re trying to hide. He’s known it all along. And that thunderbolt of judgment hasn’t struck you yet.

Confession really is good for the soul. I don’t mean blabbing your troubles to a stranger on the street. I do mean finding a good trusted friend and letting him or her know what you’re going through. I do mean being honest to God in prayer about it all.

I love the saying that goes something like this: “Griefs shared are divided, while joys shared are multiplied.”

May you find this to be true for you in the days to come.

 

Spontaneous, Joyful Uncertainty and Expectancy

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“If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest).

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from life, is that almost nothing ever turns out according to my expectations. No conversation ever goes like I planned it in my head, no holiday plays out quite like I planned, and no day ever seems to be what I thought it would be.

I think my only expectations from 2013 are of God. Specifically, I expect him to show up in 2013. How? I have no idea. I only know that when I need him most, he’ll be there.

I’ve had unexpected relationships that I never saw coming. I’ve had friendships with people I never thought would even talk to me. I’ve also had friends move on and seemingly drop off the planet (or at least off my radar). For those of you who have moved on to the next phase of life, the friendship is still on and always will be. Count on it.

That doesn’t mean I sit back and do nothing. I think this year I have to prepared and ready for whatever God brings. As one of my favorite lines from a movie goes, I have to have my fields ready to receive the rain when it comes.

I know that whenever God has shown up in my life, it has never been exactly in the way that I expected, but it has always been better. It has never been when I expected, but it has always been at the perfect moment when I needed him most. God’s gifts to me haven’t been what I asked for; many times, they’ve what I needed and longed for but didn’t know it.

I know that whatever I go through in 2013, God is good. I know whatever the day turns out to be, God is faithful. And I expect that to be the same in 2014 and beyond.

The Broken-Hearted God

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“And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation” (Luke 19:41-44).

Have you ever really thought about what breaks God’s heart? Has it entered into your mind that God’s heart can be broken? It can. Throughout Scripture, we see how God is broken over His wayward people who refuse to come back to Him.

All throughout the Old Testament, particularly in the Prophets, we see how God refers to His people as His bride who He found abandoned and forsaken and set His compassion and love on, only to see Her turn away from Him after other lovers in the form of other gods and man-made religious systems.

Jesus wept over a people who saw what He could do and how He fulfilled every prophecy about who the Messiah would be, yet failed to recognize God in the flesh right in front of their very eyes. He wept because He knew what was coming for His beloved city.

If I am identified with Christ, then shouldn’t my heart be broken over those around me who are lost and without hope and without Christ? Shouldn’t I be brought to tears over how so many people I know may face an eternity apart from the God who made a way of salvation for them?

The truth is that my heart is not broken, that I don’t shed tears over lost people, that most of the time I don’t really even give them a second thought. I’m too busy rushing from one Christian activity to the next to notice or care. That’s just me being honest.

Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Give me a heart of compassion that weeps for the broken and outcast and forgotten and abandoned. Give me tears for those who will turn to anything and everything but You and find only broken cisterns instead of Living Water. May I see with Your eyes the hurt and feel with Your heart the pain, so that I can love them in the same way You do.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Things I’m thankful for

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If you’ve been keeping up with my facebook posts, this might be a bit of a re-run for you. At least most of it.

I’ve compiled an extensive list of things I’m thankful for, some frivolous, some serious, some in-between. You be the judge. I’m thankful

1) For orange tic-tacs (ever since I saw the movie Juno).

2) For unending and unfailing grace.

3) For the tortilla soup at Chuy’s that I can’t get enough of.

4) For God’s track-record of faithfulness, especially in the times when I’ve been faithless.

5) For chai frappachinos from Starbucks with caramel drizzle (and cinnamon sprinkled on top as an added bonus).

6) For friends who have stood by me when others might have given up and written me off as a lost cause.

7) For coconut water, because once you’ve tried it, you’re hooked.

8) For new mercies every morning.

9) Chocolate in all its wonderful and glorious forms– and yes, I am aware that today is National Milk Chocolate Day.

10) The day Jesus rescued me.

11) That it’s currently not 111 degrees outside. And for air-conditioning inside.

12) That one day God will make everything right again and turn the world right-side up.

13) For spam in a can, ’cause it’s brilliant.

14) That I’m not who I was and I’m not yet who I will be.

15) That every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings (attaboy, Clarence!)

16) That every time I fall down or fail big, I get a second chance and a clean slate.

17) For the chicken cobb avocado salad at Panera Bread on Old Hickory Blvd in front of Target.

18) For every single word of encouragement or blessing or edification or correction spoken over me by family and friends. You didn’t realize it, but God was speaking through you to me to make me more like Jesus.

I could think of about a 1,000 more reasons to be thankful, but I’ll save those for future blogs. When you live with eyes and heart and hands wide open, you can’t help but be grateful and thankful all the time. You can’t help but see blessings everywhere.

So what are you thankful for?

The Art of the Blog

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I’m sitting here at my laptop (+5 cool points) wearing my brown plaid shorts (-10 cool points) and pondering the mysteries of the universe. Which means I don’t have a topic to blog about and I can’t for the life of me think of one at the moment.

This is “stream-of-consciousness” blogging, or more accurately, “making stuff up as I go and hoping something sticks.”

I realize now this is why most people don’t do the daily blog thing. It’s really hard coming up with new and fresh and relevant material day after day. Especially when the highlight of your day was spending an hour on the elliptical.

I’m just an ordinary guy who loves God and loves to write. My goal is to communicate the truth of Who this God is and Who this Jesus is and to help you in your discovery of who you are in Christ and who God made you to be.

It’s hit or miss. Some blogs work, some don’t. Some may speak to you in the depth of your soul, some may just be words on a page. That’s okay.

I really do believe that if I was the only one getting anything out of this, that would be enough. And it is theraputic and healing to get these thoughts out of my head and down into a tangible format.

I intend to keep blogging away for as long as God allows. I intend to keep telling the good news that God really is for you and He really likes and loves you and He does have a wonderful plan for your life. He is the wonderful plan for your life.

I’m not saying everything will be sunshine and roses and kittens in baskets. Life is hard and storms do come. But God is just as faithful on the dark and stormy nights as He is in the sunshiny summer days. That’s all.

Your regularly scheduled game of Farmville will now resume. Thank you and have a pleasant evening.

Dangerous Prayers

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Tonight at Kairos, Aaron Bryant taught about one of the most dangerous prayers you can pray: Lord, take me. Lord, I surrender to You.

I know from experience some of the most dangerous prayers I’ve prayed have been when I asked for patience and when I prayed, “Thy will be done.”

The joke is that you should never pray for patience unless you want what little patience you already have to be supremely tested. If you do pray for patience, you will find out just how impatient you really are. God will bring people into your life that bring out the worst in you and put you in situations that make you wanna cuss. But in all of that, God is slowly changing you so that you are slightly more patient today than you were a week ago.

I’ve found that when you pray, “Thy will be done,” you are also praying, “My will be undone.” I learned that from one of the wisest women and authors I have ever come across, Elisabeth Elliot. To pray, “Thy will be done,” means I am willing to let go of some cherished dreams and plans and goals if they aren’t a part of God’s will. It means to have desires denied and longings go unfulfilled sometimes, but it means that for every thing I give up, I gain something 1000 times better.

Still, the hardest prayer right now for me to pray is, “Lord, I surrender.” Even now there’s a fear that God isn’t really for me and won’t do what’s best for me if I give up control. There’s the illusion that my plans really are better than God’s plans.

Ultimately, I only have to look back at my life to see those aren’t true at all. God has never been anything but good to me. God has always been for me and God has never ever done anything less than the very best for me.

I guess as long as I have my old nature still hanging around and my self-will still battling for control, surrender will never be an easy thing to do. But to borrow a quote from the Soul Surfer movie, right now I don’t want easy; I just want possible.

My Last Day on Earth

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I was thinking about the shootings at the movie theatre in Colorado today. Not in a morbid way. I was thinking what if I was one of those 12 people who went into the theatre to see The Dark Knight Rises, never realizing that my life was about to end.

What if I knew that today was my last day? How would it change how I lived?

I know I’d be more forgiving and understanding of others, far less quick to pass judgments and far more eager to give grace and the benefit of the doubt. I’d be more forgiving of myself when I do and say stupid stuff.

I’d spend less time getting the to-do list checked off and much more time hanging out with the people who matter to me.

I’d be braver and take more chances. Probably not sky-diving or bull-riding, but I’d do at least one thing that I’d been scared of doing before.

I’d appreciate the people in my life who have really been my friends and family and who have loved me when I wasn’t too easy to love and supported and encouraged me when I needed it most.

I’d make every effort to let the people in my life know how much they meant to me and how grateful I was for them, because no tomorrow is guaranteed for me or for anyone else. I would never assume that people know how special and uniquely-created they are; I’d tell them.

I’d be a lot more thankful for the little things in my life like the sun rising every morning, the flowers that bloom every spring, the sweet scent of summer air that takes me back to my childhood. I’d say “Thank you, God,” a lot more and really mean it.

What if I lived every day of the rest of the life God gives me as if it were my last day?

 

Conflicted But in a Good Way . . .

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I’m feeling a bit conflicted at the moment, but in the best way possible. Right now, you’re probably feeling confused, so let me explain.

I’m very sad that a friend of mine is leaving for overseas missions tomorrow and I won’t get to see her for a while, but I’m filled with joy that she is fulfilling God’s call on her life and going to a place where her deep gladness will meet the world’s deep need and lives will be transformed and changed and a country will never be the same because of her (and I “borrowed” part of that from Frederick Buechner, for the record).

I’m unsure of my next step, but confident that the God I serve is more than able to get me there. Since I lost my job, I’ve felt as if I’m free-floating without an anchor to hold on to or to keep me centered, yet I’ve never had more peace that God really is in control and guiding me toward exactly where He wants me to be.

I’ve never been in a place where I’m more keenly aware of my deep need for God at every waking moment, but I’ve never been more sure of God’s goodness or power. I’ve never been as able and willing to boast in my weaknesses to find that the power of Christ really is made perfect in my imperfections.

Ultimately, I am filled with a longing that nothing in this world can satisfy, yet at the very same time,  I am completely satisfied in Christ and content with where He has me.

What about you?

Westboro Baptist: Who Are We Against, Really?

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I was thinking today about the announcement that the infamous Westboro Baptist Church was picketing a church I’ve attended in the past. Apparently, this church was much too tolerant about forgiving sinners and extending grace.

That made me think. Who am I against? Who is my enemy? And the question that I can’t get over: Are we really supposed to be against anybody?

This is my own belief and is no way affiliated with anybody else, but here goes. I don’t think we’re supposed to be against anybody.

Think about it. The Bible tells us that our battle is not against flesh and blood people, but against spiritual forces and demonic powers. I can’t find it anywhere in my Bible where I am supposed to hate a particular group simply because they behave and believe differently than I do.

The Bible says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. It says to go out of your way to serve and minister to them the same way Christ did. The Bible says nothing about picketing and name-calling and verbally attacking.

A pastor I greatly admire said that you don’t fight fire with fire. You fight it with water. You don’t fight hate with more hate, but with a love that is stronger than any hate. A love that is stronger than all the political powers and all the weapons of the world and all the special-interest groups. A love stronger than fear. A love stronger than even death, the grave, and hell.

God never called me to go out and correct someone’s lifestyle. He never called me to go out and point out all the reasons they’re going to hell. He told me to go out and proclaim the good news– that there is hope for the hopeless, healing for the broken, and salvation for those who can’t ever get it right and are stuck in sin.

I believe we’re even called to show grace to the legalists and Pharisees who themselves don’t believe in or practice grace.

What am I against? I’m against the lies that keep people in bondage. I’m against any kind of hate that condemns a person that Jesus came to save. I’m against reducing the beautiful Story God has written over thousands of years to a pithy phrase that fits on a bumper sticker or a picket sign.

What am I for? Grace. Because I above all people need it. Because I have received it and know how good it feels to be forgiven and free. Because I want every single person out there to know that feeling, too.

I’m just a nobody [in the world’s eyes] trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody. That’s all.