For When You Can’t Sleep

Right about now, I wish I were a cat. I look at my cat, who hops on the bed and curls up on the pillow next to mine and is asleep the moment she lays her little head down. Meanwhile, I am still tossing and turning, wide awake.

I’ve learned a few lessons from a lifetime of difficulty getting to sleep.

I know that at night every worry and fear gets magnified beyond any reasonable doubt. The normal worries of finding the right person turn into “I’ll never get married and will die alone.” The normal anxieties of career transition turn into “I won’t ever get a job because there’s nothing I’m good at.”

The trick is to recognize these lies for what they are and to realize that you don’t think as clearly when you’re tired. That’s why it’s always a good idea to put in a good night’s sleep before you make a major decision that will drastically affect your life.

I don’t have any answers to how to overcome the inability to sleep. He says as he is typing this at 12:40 am.

I know in the past, I’ve used the time to pray over what’s troubling me that won’t let me sleep. Sometimes, I get up and try to find some mindless TV to help relax me. I’ve even gone old school and tried warm milk (though it doesn’t work too well when you overheat the milk and burn your mouth).

I think in a way it’s a good thing I can’t sleep sometimes. It helps me realize that sleep is not a given or an entitlement. It is a gift from God, just like every other good thing in life. So maybe instead of counting sheep, count your blessings instead (as the old song says). Instead of looking at what you’re missing out on, look at all you have.

Job Searching and Other Nonsense

OK, for those just tuning in, I am on the prowl for a good job. Well, at this point, a job will do. It’s been a longer process than I thought it would be, but I’ve grown a lot in that time.

I actually had an interview with a company that would be a very good fit doing what I think would be a perfect fit for me. I think it went well. But I am generally not the best judge of those kind of things.

It can be nerve-wracking with the whole inner monologue going on in your head. That voice that says, “You will never find a job” or “You will have to settle for a job you dread going to every morning.”

If you manage to land an interview, the voice will say to you, “You won’t do well and you will say something to scare them off.” Even if you get the job offer, that voice will say, “You’re really not qualified for this job. You won’t last long before you screw up and get fired.”

For me, it was driving in my car on my way to a volleyball game that a sense of peace overwhelmed me. I knew in that moment that everything was going to be okay, whether I got the job or not.

God’s got a lot of practice giving His people the very best and working all things together for their good. A lot more than me, at any rate. He knows what’s best for me, often way better than I do, and He knows what job will be a good fit for me and what job will stress me out and make me miserable.

So all that to say, I’m in good hands. As I heard someone say, life is good and God is great. No matter what.

Transitions

I’m in career transition. That’s the politically correct way of saying I’m out of a job. It sounds much better than saying that I got tossed out on my lazy rear.

It’s hard when part of your life that took up so much of your time is now gone. It’s difficult when that routine you’ve gotten so used to is suddenly thrown out on its ear and you feel like you’re in free-fall.

According to Ephesians, those who have come to put their faith in Christ are in a transition of sorts. A life transition.

You who were once without a hope in the world now have an eternal, imperishable Hope that will never fade or fail.

You who were once strangers and outcasts that nobody wanted are now adopted sons and daughters of the King of the Universe and heirs to Heaven.

You were once captives and slaves to your addictions and bad habits and fears are now free to finally and truly be yourselves.

You who felt worthless and without value now know that you are priceless in your Abba’s eyes and that not even the life of His own Son was too high a price to pay for you.

I know what it’s like to feel unwanted and unloveable. I know what it’s like to feel that you don’t matter to anybody and that nobody would miss you or even notice if one day you were gone.

I also know what it’s like to finally believe what Jesus says about me and to begin to live it out. To have people speak life and healing into me on a daily basis and be able to do the same in return.

The best part of the transition is that in God’s eyes, you are already there. You are already holy and perfect and blameless. He sees you as His masterpiece and loves you like you had never messed up to begin with.

Remember that it’s a process and sometimes you won’t feel like it’s working, but it is.

Remember that no matter what, you are still your Abba’s child and He is still very, very fond of you.