blame

Forgiving

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“How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.

The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts” (Henri Nouwen).

A theology built on the idea that everything is their fault is not good theology. It seems a lot of rhetoric these days stems from the idea that the blame should go to whoever is on the other side of the political aisle from me. Apparently, I never have to look in the mirror and assess whether anything I’ve ever done could have contributed to the mess we’re in.

But Jesus said if you don’t forgive, you won’t be forgiven. He didn’t say if you have trouble forgiving, you won’t be forgiven. Many are suffering greatly as a result of trauma and abuse, and forgiveness seems impossible. Others feel that forgiving means letting the other person continue to inflict pain and suffering.

Remember, Jesus forgave those who were in the very act of murdering Him. It wasn’t easy, but Jesus made it possible. It isn’t easy, but the Spirit of Jesus inside of you makes it possible. If you long for the ability to forgive and earnestly seek God’s power to do it, I think God honors that request. I also think forgiving doesn’t mean automatically restoring trust and letting the other person or persons back into your life.

But most of all, we forgive because we have been forgiven much. If we really understood how much God in Christ has forgiven us, we’d be less inclined to choose bitterness and unforgiveness. We’re the ones who owed the astronomical sum we could never hope to repay in a thousand lifetimes, but God forgave our debt completely. To choose not to forgive a fellow human being is to hold him or her hostage over a paltry sum compared to the millions and billions we owed.

Again, it’s not easy, but through Christ it is possible. I’m praying that those of you who aren’t able to find the strength to forgive might in the mighty name of Jesus and through the cleansing blood of Jesus be able finally to forgive and find freedom. May you finally open the prison door to freedom. When you do, you will find it is yourself that walks free.

Monday Musings

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“Almighty and everlasting God,

increase in us the gifts of faith, hope, and charity;

and, that we may obtain what you promise,
make us love what you command;

through Jesus Christ our Lord,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God,

for ever and ever.
Amen.”

Instead of TGIF, which as everybody knows stands for Thank God It’s Friday, we should have a new acronym TGFED. Thank God for every day.

Monday can be just as good as Friday if you come into it with the right attitude. If you’ve already decided that real living doesn’t start until the weekend, you’ve already missed out on what God might be saying to you on Monday.

Also, so many times so many of us tend to ask God to bless the plans we’ve already made instead of seeking His will. We want what we want, regardless of whether God wants it or not. At this point in my life, I don’t want anything that’s not from God because I know to gain the whole world and lose my soul in the process is worthless.

Life’s too short to waste it by saying things like “Once I get to the dream job, I can be happy” or “Once I meet my soulmate, I can be at peace.”

I believe that the secret to joy is learning to be content with where you are and blooming where you’re planted instead of wasting so much time and energy wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.

Another key is to live gratefully. Include thanksgiving in all your prayers. Sometimes, you can even sit at the feet of Jesus and adore Him without rehashing the laundry list of your needs and wants. Sometimes, all you need to do is be still before the Lord.

I’m still learning that it takes way less effort to point the finger and pass the blame to someone else for all the world’s problems. It takes courage to look in the mirror and see part of the problem staring back. We all can look at anyone’s life any say, “But for the grace of God go I.” No matter how messed up they look, I could have been worse.

As my pastor said, repentance is not about beating yourself up. It’s not about dwelling on what’s wrong with you. It’s realizing that sometimes you need to do a 180 and go the opposite direction from where you’re headed. It’s being honest with yourself that you’re a work in progress and will be until Jesus returns or God calls you home.

Throwing Rocks 2

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robin-wright-as-jenny-curran-in-forrest-gump

It almost always happens when I write one of these blogs that I will remember something I left out. In this case, it was when I woke up in the middle of the night around 2 am that I remembered what specifically I left out.

Maybe the person who needs your forgiveness the most is you.

Even if someone else did the wounding, it’s easy to blame yourself for letting it happen. Especially if the abuse went on for some time. You stayed and made excuses and didn’t run when you had the chance. So a part of you feels that you deserve what you got.

First of all, you don’t.

And second, you survived. You’re still here, which counts as a win in my book.

Sometimes, you just need to forgive yourself for not living up to your own unrealistic expectations. Or to the expectations that the culture and society has hoodwinked you into believing were essential to your success.

You need to know that God’s plan for you is your own and no one else’s. Maybe you’re not where everyone else seems to be at this point in your life. But you are where God put you. Where God wants you to be. Where God is using you and molding you and making you more like Jesus. And that is by far the best place to be.

I know I’d rather have Jesus and nothing else than to have everything else and not have Jesus.

So everything I said about laying those rocks down and building that altar still applies, even the person who you’re aiming at is your own reflection in the mirror. Let the altar be as a reminder of the time when you stopped letting your failures or unmet expectations or your shame define you. When you started to let your Creator define you.

I think that pretty much covers it.