approval-addict

Lent Update for 2015

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I have two more weeks to go for my Lent break from social media. So far, so good. More than having extra free time, the best part has been clearing my head and getting my perspective readjusted (again). As much as I love all things social media, it can mess with your head if you let it.

You know it’s time to step away for a bit when you start valuing your self-worth based on social media. I should know, being a recovering approval-addict. I’ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and worn it.

I’ll confess that not everything God has shown me during this season of Lent has been fun or easy. I’ve seen just how much I’m addicted to worry and stress and doubts. My faith is smaller than I thought, but I’m also finding out that God os much bigger than I ever imagined.

It’s been a long journey from that day on May 22. 2012 when I got laid off from my job. It hasn’t gone nearly the way I thought it would. But I have seen God’s provision and felt His nearness more in these past three years than ever before.

Lent is a way of me reminding myself that 1) God owns it all and controls it all, not me; 2) if I have God and nothing else, I’m better off than if I had everything but God; 3) it truly will be fine in the end because God said so, and if it’s not fine, then it’s not the end (to borrow a line from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

I think that covers it.

 

Blog #1,161

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

image

I still write these blogs as reminders to myself of how good God’s been to me. I am so very forgetful and prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love, prone to return to broken cisterns of doubt and fear.

I write about grace so much because I love it so much, and I love it so much because I’ve needed it and found it at just the right times. Left to myself, I can very clingy and needy, very co-dependent, and self-absorbed. I am an approval-addict. An affirmation junkie.

But that grace of God found me. And it did not leave me where it found me. I found that Jesus’ amazing love for me makes me loveable. I discovered that it’s more than okay for me to be myself. It’s the best form of worship I can offer. Just me loving being me. Me refusing to be conformed to what everybody else says I should be, to what the media tells me I need to be to matter.

image

I will never stop telling the story of how Eucharisteo forged my miracle, how a lifestyle of joy and gratitude and thanksgiving opened my eyes to manifold blessings and allowed me to open closed fists to receive more of God’s riches.

I am blessed. Even if I never have a six-figure salary. Even if I am ever more the friend and never the love interest, the guy girls want to marry. Even if I never get another blessing or another visible reminder of God’s presence.

Here’s to 1,000 more posts to remind forgetful me of how good my life is and how great God is. Here’s to all of you who keep encouraging me, challenging me, and blessing me in ways I will never be able to repay.

Thank you.

image

Oh Well

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I have some shocking news that you may find hard to take. In fact, you may want to sit down for this one. . . wait for it . . . not everybody is going to like you.

OK, maybe I’m the only one who had a hard time accepting this truth. As a recovering co-dependent approval addict, I want everybody to like me. At least, if somebody doesn’t like me, I want to know the reason so I can change a behavior that’s offensive or modify an annoying habit.

But not everybody’s going to like you. And of those who don’t, probably few will ever tell you why. That’s just a hard lesson I’ve had to learn.

Of course most of the people who you think don’t like you probably do. You probably read them wrong. Or maybe that’s just me. I’ve tended to convince myself that someone else didn’t like me when he or she really didn’t. On a side note, they should probably make pills for this.

You can’t be all things to all people all the time. You can’t please everybody. But you can be yourself. You can be who God made you to be. At the end of the day, his opinion of you is really the only one that matters. And he likes you, by the way, in addition to loving you.

I’m better at this than I used to be, but I am still in the “needs improvement” category. At the end of the day, no one wants to be disliked. Well, 99% feel that way. Nobody sets out to alienate people or create enemies.

But you can’t control how others will respond or how they will perceive you. You can only control you by being the best you possible and praying for the ones who don’t like the result.

And there will be more than enough people who like you for you to offset the difference anyway.

A Little Note for Us Co-dependents Out There

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

Hi, my name is Greg, and I’m a recovering co-dependent. Maybe you are, too. Here’s how you know you are with me in this.

Maybe you have lain awake at night like me, agonizing over how you’ve really messed up and offended a particular person. You’re positive that the relationship is ruined and that person will never ever talk to you again. The next day, that person was totally fine with you.

Maybe you’ve posted or blogged or texted and not gotten any responses or likes. Maybe you felt ignored or like what you had to say wasn’t important. Or really, deep down inside, that you weren’t important for anybody to bother with.

Maybe you’ve sat and stared at that sidebar on facebook that tells you which friends are currently on facebook and looked for a green dot beside a particular name. If you’re anything like me, you’ve wondered, “Why isn’t this person ever online when I’m online? Are they avoiding me?” while wondering what kind of medication you probably need to be taking right about now.

Maybe you thought that if anyone really knew the real you, they wouldn’t stick around. You probably have felt that eventually all your relationships will end because the other person will decide that you’re just not worth the effort anymore.

Maybe you’ve wondered why a certain person, instead of sitting next to you, chose to sit in the row behind you. Maybe you were feeling like a leper and thinking, “Am I really that much of a freak?” Even though you know that’s not true, it’s one thing to know it in your head and entirely another thing to receive it with your heart.

Maybe you overanalyze every word and action and are always on a crazy see-saw ride of “he/she really likes me” to “maybe they don’t like me anymore” to “well, I guess I blew that chance.”

Maybe you define yourself by what others tell you. Maybe you need constant affirmation and approval to feel normal. The sad part is that it’s never enough. You think if someone likes your post, “Why didn’t they comment?” or if they commented, “Well, geez. That was a bit impersonal.” It’s never enough.

Maybe you’ve been attracted to someone and killed the idea before it even had a chance. You’ve thought, “There’s no way she (or he) will ever like me as anything more than a friend” or “There’s probably a dozen or more people she (or he) would be better off with.” You read into innocent little actions as signs that the interest isn’t reciprocated.

The beautiful part is that God has already told us who we are. We are the Beloved, Sons and Daughters of the King, Wonderfully and Fearfully Made in His Image, Redeemed, Beautiful, and Exactly Who He Made Us to be.

God is pleased with you and me as we are, not as we should be or will be, because He sees Jesus in us.

Also, God puts people in our lives who love us regardless, who encourage and bless us daily, and who won’t ever walk out on us. People who give just the right words at just the right time to lift our spirits.

It’s been a long process for me, but the healing has been a beautiful thing to see. I could not have written this two years ago (and probably not even one year ago). I am amazed at what God does in a life where He’s given even the tiniest amount of room to work.

I am living proof that God can change anybody anywhere at anytime, no matter how far gone or hopeless they seem. I love the saying that what seems impossible to us isn’t even remotely difficult for God.