I just wanted to update you on my quest for the perfectly tacky Christmas sweater. I got nothin’.

I’ve been frequenting the Goodwills and other thrift stores in the 15-mile radius and haven’t seen anything that meets my exacting standards. Not even close.

I found a really awesome one on ebay (the one pictured in my last blog about Christmas sweaters), but it was selling for somewhere in the neighborhood of $90, which is entirely too much to spend on something that I might wear once or twice a year.

In my mind, I was going to walk into Goodwill and there it would be, standing out with a mysterious spotlight shining on it. Kinda like the Christmas tree in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It was going to be my size and it was going to be ridiculously cheap.

Unfortunately, hardly anything ever works out in reality like it does in my imaginings. So here I am, Christmas sweater-less and getting more and more desperate.

Here’s my plea to you, gentle readers. If you have a tacky Christmas sweater you’re willing to part with, let me know. I can make arrangements and give you details (like where to send said holiday apparel) and even work out some sort of bartering system.

I know I can count on you. But just in case this falls through, I have a back-up plan. Technically, it’s not a sweater, but it captures the essence of the whole tacky Christmas sweater spirit. And it came from Target for the very reasonable price of $5.