Full Moon Thoughts

Tonight was a full moon. Apparently, that’s when the crazies come out. Or maybe that’s when people’s tendencies to act crazy go into full gear. Or so I’ve heard.

For me, it was very calming to see the full moon in the night sky. I suppose it’s because I know I’m looking at the same moon that was up in the sky when I was little.

So much in this life is transitory. So many people I thought would be around for a long time have gone AWOL. So many loved ones aren’t here at all anymore.

Even the places I love don’t stay around, i.e. Borders and all those record stores in the malls.

But seeing that moon in the sky tonight reminded me that God is my constant. He’s the one that stays the same while everything else around me changes, while I myself am changing.

That’s the thing I’ve learned. Even if I could go back to a happy place in my childhood and find it’s still the same, it’s not the same because I’m different. I’m not the same as I was as an 8-year old. Hopefully, no one as an adult is exactly like he or she was as an 8-year old.

It’s comforting to know that God will always be the same. He will always love me the same (perfectly and unconditionally), He will always think of me the same (as His beloved), and He will always treat me the same (working all things together for my good and giving me only the very best).

For a while, clouds obscured the moon, but after a while they drifted away. Sometimes, God gets obscured by those pressing anxieties in my life. It gets difficult to find Him when there’s so many things clamoring for my attention.

The good news is that after the anxieties subside and those things move on, God remains.

Being an Adult

blanket-fort-coloring

Have you ever had the feeling that everyone else has mastered the art of being grown-up and you’re failing? That maybe everyone else got a secret handbook on how to be an adult or went to some clandestine meeting that you weren’t privy to and learned all about how to act mature?

I know I do sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gotten really good at faking adulthood and that at any moment a real adult is going to catch on and send me back to junior high. Or possibly 4th grade.

I truly believe that most adults are good fakers. Most of us don’t really know what we’re doing or what’s really going on but we’ve mastered the art of looking and acting like we do. Most of us would rather be in that blanket fort coloring but are too scared to admit it.

I’ve learned over my life that freedom from fear comes when you realize that you’re not the only one who struggles with that particular issue. You’re not the lone freak in a world of completely normal people. Normal is an illusion anyway and the people who seem the most normal are most likely the best at hiding their idiosyncrasies and weirdnesses from the rest of us.

I also think that most of us have grown up believing that Jesus loves the good little boys and girls. In other words, the ones who act normal. I don’t know whether that was intentionally taught or not, but most of us caught that message loud and clear.

The truth is that Jesus loves even the bad girls and boys. He loves the boys and girls who always seem to screw up, the ones who have the best intentions that somehow always turn into the worst train wrecks imaginable. He doesn’t help those who help themselves, but rather those who know they can’t.

That’s the Gospel. Jesus loves the little children, ALL the children of  the world. Even the weirdos.

 

Pre-WordPress Writings Part 5

An poem I wrote back in the day

18 March 2010

 
The Prodigal is You 
 
How tragic is the mess I made 
And I no better than a slave 
Yet to me the world You gave 
The Prodigal is You 
 
How blessed just to be the one 
For whom the Father-King would run 
To kiss my cheek and call me, “Son” 
The Prodigal is You 

You wore the robe that I defiled 
And gave Your own to this mean child 
Your love carried me all the while 
The Prodigal is You 

No more fear

29 March 2010

 

I have a confession to make. Well, another confession. I have been afraid for most of my adult life. I have lived in fear, which is not really living at all, but existing. Passing time. Waiting it out. I have not taken chances. I have played it safe. I have taken the road well-traveled and regretted every single time not taking that other road. I have been nice and timid and ignored, and I deserved to be ignored, because I was boring. 

I am so done with fear. Do you hear me world? Do you hear me, Satan? I refuse to let fear dictate anymore who I am and what I do. I refuse to sit quietly when I should take a stand. I will take chances, because the old motto says “Those who risk, win.” I will learn to live my life to the fullest and be willing to fall on my face a few times. 

Those of you who knew me a month ago, that is not me anymore. I am so done with that life. This is me now, standing bodly and proclaiming that MY GOD HAS LOVED ME PERFECTLY AND THAT PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR!!!!!

You Know My Name

12 March 2010

 

When I am alone and nobody seems to care, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am ignored in a crowd, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am screaming inside with a smile on my face, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I have one more step left in me before I quit, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I have all that I want and am still empty, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I forget You and walk away from Your promises, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am in heaven and see You waiting for me there, 
Lord, You know my name. 
For it is written in stone and on Your heart.