“How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.

The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts” (Henri Nouwen).

A theology built on the idea that everything is their fault is not good theology. It seems a lot of rhetoric these days stems from the idea that the blame should go to whoever is on the other side of the political aisle from me. Apparently, I never have to look in the mirror and assess whether anything I’ve ever done could have contributed to the mess we’re in.

But Jesus said if you don’t forgive, you won’t be forgiven. He didn’t say if you have trouble forgiving, you won’t be forgiven. Many are suffering greatly as a result of trauma and abuse, and forgiveness seems impossible. Others feel that forgiving means letting the other person continue to inflict pain and suffering.

Remember, Jesus forgave those who were in the very act of murdering Him. It wasn’t easy, but Jesus made it possible. It isn’t easy, but the Spirit of Jesus inside of you makes it possible. If you long for the ability to forgive and earnestly seek God’s power to do it, I think God honors that request. I also think forgiving doesn’t mean automatically restoring trust and letting the other person or persons back into your life.

But most of all, we forgive because we have been forgiven much. If we really understood how much God in Christ has forgiven us, we’d be less inclined to choose bitterness and unforgiveness. We’re the ones who owed the astronomical sum we could never hope to repay in a thousand lifetimes, but God forgave our debt completely. To choose not to forgive a fellow human being is to hold him or her hostage over a paltry sum compared to the millions and billions we owed.

Again, it’s not easy, but through Christ it is possible. I’m praying that those of you who aren’t able to find the strength to forgive might in the mighty name of Jesus and through the cleansing blood of Jesus be able finally to forgive and find freedom. May you finally open the prison door to freedom. When you do, you will find it is yourself that walks free.