Revisiting My Own Past

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Recently, I discovered an old favorite band of mine that I hadn’t thought about in a while. You’ve most likely never heard of the band, since they were a late 70’s jazz fusion band. You most likely have heard of their drummer, an English chap who goes by the name of Phil Collins.

Anyway, back in the day I owned a cassette compilation of some of their most well-known compositions. I’m fairly certain I picked it up in the discount section at either The Sound Shop or Camelot Music in the Hickory Ridge Mall, probably just before heading to the food court for some pizza from Sbarro’s.

A few weeks back at McKay’s Used Books (and everything else you can think of), I had enough trade credit for four of their CDs among some of my other noteworthy finds.

It’s interesting how much more I appreciate their ridiculous musicianship than I did way back when. Of course, back then I really dug groups like Wham! and Club Nouveau. Don’t hold that against me. My musical tastes have definitely matured a lot since those days.

Also, I’ve been reminiscing about a great series of books I used to read as a wee younger lad. I believe they were called Choose Your Own Adventure. In them, you would read for a few pages before being presented with a list of choices, a la if you enter the dark and scary hallway, turn to page 94, but if you elect to stay in the kitchen and make yourself a PB&J, turn to page 108. I loved those books.

So my next quest is to find at least one of those books. I’m checking out the usual places– the library castoff section, Goodwill, McKay’s, and amazon.com, but so far no luck.

So far, I’m batting .500, which for me is a win.

 

 

 

God’s Generosity 

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I read this in one of my daily devotionals I receive via email. It’s called Daily Meditations, from the Henri Nouwen Society.

“God is a god of abundance, not a god of scarcity.  Jesus reveals to us God’s abundance when he offers so much bread to the people that there are twelve large baskets with leftover scraps (see John 6:5-15), and when he makes his disciples catch so many fish that their boat nearly sinks (Luke 5:1-7). God doesn’t give us just enough. God gives us more than enough: more bread and fish than we can eat, more love than we dared to ask for.

God is a generous giver, but we can only see and enjoy God’s generosity when we love God with all of our hearts, minds, and strength. As long as we say, ‘I will love you, God, but first show me your generosity,’ we will remain distant from God and unable to experience what God truly wants to give us, which is life and life in abundance” (Henri Nouwen).

You really can never outgive God. I think John Piper is the one who said that God will never give up the glory of being the giver. I’m finding out every single day just how true that is.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Compassion and Broken Hearts

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“Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives. When he looked out over the crowds, his heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd. “What a huge harvest!” he said to his disciples. “How few workers! On your knees and pray for harvest hands!” (Matt. 9:35-38).

Jesus looked at the crowd and was moved with compassion. I heard a pastor say that the word carries the idea of being kicked in the gut. In other words, it wasn’t a shallow “I feel sorry for you” sentiment, but a real gut-wrenching pain over the people who were “confused and aimless.”

When was the last time my heart broke over something like that? When ever did my heart break like that?

Then I think that Jesus’ heart broke over me. In those times when I feel like I don’t have a clue, I think maybe it still does. I believe Jesus is moved with compassion over those of us who lose our way and feel like we or what we do don’t matter.

I truly believe that Jesus knows more than anyone what it’s like to have a broken heart. Not just figuratively, but literally. When the spear pierced His side, blood and water rushed out. That meant that Jesus’ heart had exploded. So yes, Jesus knows the pain of a broken heart.

My prayer is for a heart like His. My prayer is for a heart that really and truly breaks over those around me who are confused and aimless and without hope. I want a broken heart that leads me to my knees in prayer for the people in my immediate circle who are lost and hopeless and completely discouraged.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Joni Mitchell and Another Wednesday Evening

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It was a perfect Wednesday evening. Here in the glorious state of Tennessee, we’re in that wonderful time of spring, just before it starts to get sticky hot and humid, where the temperature is just right.

I love driving home when the weather’s like that. There’s something about temps in the low 70s and a cool spring breeze that awakens all my happy memories from childhood and makes me hopeful for the future. What is it in the springtime air that makes me feel a little less anxious and a little more assured of God’s plan for me?

Also, I had Ms. Joni Mitchell playing in the car, which always makes everything better, especially her albums like Clouds and Blue. Those are currently my top two favorites of hers.

We all need days like these when hope seems like a precious and rare commodity. We need little God-winks to remind us that God still cares and still watches and still provides.

I’ve seen too many times where God came though at just the right time to doubt, yet somehow I still do. I think somehow this time will be different than the other 99, that maybe God will be caught napping or away from His desk. Or maybe that He’s decided that I’m not worth the effort anymore.

I remember those thoughts and feelings. I know where they come from. Not from the Father but from the father of lies. I let these thoughts pass right on through without heeding them at all. I remember the promises of God that are always YES and AMEN in Jesus and then I have hope again.

I have to remind myself that every moment is grace, even the lonely moment or the anxious moment or the doubful moment. Every moment that I’m alive to see what God will do next in my life is grace.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

 

Your Identity

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Tonight, Mike Glenn spoke from Matthew 22:34-40. Those wacky Pharisees were at it again, trying to trap Jesus through one of their questions.

“Teacher,” they asked. “Which  commandment in the law is the greatest?”

As usual, Jesus saw through their smokescreen and gave a brilliant answer. Love God with everything that’s in you and love your neighbor as yourself.

For years, I never really thought about the “as yourself” part of the command. But for you to truly love others as God would have you to, you have to love yourself. It goes against a lot of what we’ve been taught about how loving yourself is wrong and prideful.

Loving yourself is simply seeing yourself the way God does.

Mike talked about how when God created you, He said, “It is very good.” Imagine a world-class chef tasting his own masterpiece and declaring, ‘Ahhhh, it is verrrry gooood” and you have an idea of what this means.

God looked at you and was pleased. He didn’t shrug His shoulders and say something like “Eh, close enough.” He said you were very good.”

Mike went on to say that when you find your identity not in what your enemies or friends or even you say about you but what God truly says about you, it changes the way you live. It changes the way you love yourself, others, and– ultimately– God.

That’s something that I’m still learning, but I’m to the point where I have days where I see myself as the Beloved of God and let that be what defines me. And those days are becoming more and more frequent.

So let me remind you once again. You are not your spotty resume. You are not your latest failed marriage. You are not the guy who’s still trying to find himself and still not having a clue about who he is. You are not whatever failures or  fiascos you’ve had in the past.

You have worth because you were created in the image of God and then prized highly enough for God to send Jesus to die on your behalf. You are the Beloved.

 

Holy Ground

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I watched Scent of a Woman for the first time tonight, and I really liked it. Okay, so I was biased by the film’s autumn setting. Any movie that’s set around the fall season is automatically a winner in my book. Especially if the background is a historic school campus.

There was a shot of the school’s motto in some shots that I noticed. It said,” The place where people meet to seek the highest is holy ground.”

That’s worship. Seeking the highest. What else is there that’s higher than God and what other purpose do we have other than to seek out the God who created and sustains everything that is?

The beauty of it is that God didn’t wait for us to seek Him. He didn’t play celestial hide and seek with us and manufacture a bunch of rules in order for us to get to the place where we could find us. We don’t have to speak any dead languages or perform secret rites or know the right people, because we have a direct line to the throne of God. We don’t have to find a way to get to God because God has already made a way for us to come.

No. God came to us in Jesus. God found us. After all, we were (and still are sometimes) the ones who were lost. We’re the ones running and hiding. Or more accurately, trying to hide like Adam and Eve in the garden with their makeshift fig-leaf outfits and overwhelming fear and shame.

Worship is seeking that which wants to be found and has already found us. Worship isn’t a demand made of us so that we can hope to gain God’s favor but a privilege given to those who already have it. While worship may be all about extolling the greatness of God, it’s also where our greatest good and our greatest joy can be found.

By the way, the movie was really good. Al Pacino deserved his Best Actor Academy Award for sure. And the falling leaves were pretty.

 

 

 

The New Normal

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the new normal.

It’s when something forever alters your landscape and everything else after will be different. You have to adjust to the way things are now.

For me, my new normal started when I lost my job three years ago. It was a totally out of the blue, unexpected event and changed a lot of things for me. I can say for certain that I am not that same person who got downsized from Affinion Benefits Group on May 22, 2012.

For you, it may be a job loss. It could be moving across town or across the state or even halfway across the country. It could be a career change. Or it might be the death of a parent, spouse, or child. Even the loss of a pet can trigger a new normal.

One comfort for me has always been that whatever the new normal looks like, one thing remains from the old normal– God. He’s the same in the new normal as He was in the old and will be in the new new normal.

God loves me just as much in the new normal as He always did. He has the same good plans for me, the same promise that He will work all things together for my good, the same peace that passes all understanding, the same everything.

I admit that change scares me. I like having the routine that I can occasionally break free from when I’m feeling spontaneous. I like having the people in my life, knowing they are around.

I try not to obsess over when and how my normal will likely change in the future. I want to be present to where God has me with who He has in my life while they’re still in my life.

Thank you, God, for my life. Forgive me if I take it or any of Your other gifts for granted. Forgive me if I don’t love it enough or love you enough.

As always, I believe. Lord, help my unbelief.

 

Wracking My Brain

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i’m trying to remember something.

I had a cassette tape of a jazz band circa late 80’s or early 90’s. I distinctly recall the cover being very tropical with possibly one or two tropical birds. I also remember that my dad bought it for me after Sunday lunch at the mall back when malls still had record stores in an attempt to broaden my horizons in a time when I was fairly limited in my tastes to what got played on the radio.

I can’t for the life of me recall the name of the band. I do know that they played a jazz fusion style with two lead guitars (or at least that’s what comes to mind). 

I’d be very interested to find out if that or any other of their albums have made it onto CD. 

Oh, and I’m also fairly positive that their name started with a G. 

Any insights or further clues are very welcome. I will update this post should I at some point in the future find out the elusive name I seek.

First World Problems

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I had an eventful (for me) evening after work today. I actually didn’t get home until almost 9 pm (me the wild and crazy little rebel). I made one of my periodic pilgrimages to McKay’s Used Books. I had plenty of loot to trade and I managed to score a few good deals. Afterward, I did some fine dining at Taco Bell, a la one steak Doubledilla.

When I got to the counter, the guy in front of me was obviously exasperated at the slow service. He made a comment along the lines of “I guess the drive-thru is the only way to get service around here.” He left in a huff after 5-10 minutes of waiting. If that long.

I’m not here to bash the guy.

What I can say is that I can’t do the same. Ever since a friend of mine started talking about first world problems, my way of looking at life in America has changed. I have a really hard time getting upset over having to wait for fast food when so many people around the globe didn’t have anything at all to eat all day.

What is a first world problem? It’s something that would only be considered a problem if you’re middle-class suburban American used to microwaves, fast food, and other conveniences. It’s for people who probably won’t ever have to worry about where the next meal is coming from or if the water they’re drinking is clean or not.

God is opening my eyes to what people face in third world countries. Some walk for miles each day to bring back water that isn’t safe to drink, but it’s all they have. They can’t go down the street and buy bottled water from the nearest grocery store. Too many people (including children) will get sick and even die from drinking that contaminated water.

Here I am with multiple options of bottled water at my fingertips. How dare I complain? I am way more blessed than I deserve.

Here endeth the lesson. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for having conveniences, but I hope you will realize that in the grand scheme of things most of what bothers us isn’t really all that important and definitely not worth getting upset about. That’s all. Carry on.