Facebook is great. I love being able to connect with old friends and stay in touch with people who are on the other side of the globe. Literally.

But there is a downside. Facebook can be a place to post and say things you wouldn’t normally say to a person. You can hit a button and end a friendship just like that. The proper term is defriending.

I think it should be a very last resort. Unless you’re trying to purge your friends list by deleting people you don’t really know and barely have any contact with. That’s another story for another blog.

Defriending is essentially saying, “I’m done with you. I don’t want anything more to do with you ever again.” Rarely does a person maintain a friendship with someone they’ve defriended.

If you absolutely must defriend someone, give them the courtesy of a heads up. Send them a message so they know why this needs to happen. That way the hurt will be less.

As always, it’s better to admonish or correct someone face to face rather than through social media. But you should absolutely never ever use defriending as a means to punish someone. If the other person doesn’t know what they did wrong, how can they hope to learn from their mistakes and correct their behavior?

My suggestion is to give them grace and the benefit of the doubt. I’m not saying to tolerate someone who verbally abuses you or makes inappropriate comments. After a warning, I’d send that person packing.

Also, don’t ever use alienation to teach someone a lesson. All pulling away from someone communicates is judgment and condemnation, not grace. Your silence and stand-offishness won’t fix anything; if anything, it will create unneccesary hurt and make the problem much worse than it was before. Nothing beats speaking the truth in love to reconcile a wrong.

Just ask yourself this: what would Jesus do if he were in my place? Then do the same. Remember, God had every right to defriend you (and much worse) and instead sent Jesus who died in your place that you might have life and abundance and freedom. He died to make you into the image and character of Jesus.

Just think about that for a while and see if it doesn’t change the way you see people who have wronged you. No matter what anyone has done to you, you’ve done the same and worse to God. And he’s fully and freely forgiven you.

Just food for thought from one ragamuffin to another.

PS Sometimes when you get defriended, it’s a sign to let the friendship go and move on. Don’t harbor hard feelings or ill will. Forgive and release the person from your life.

These are generalizations, but I think they’re true for the most part. At least I’ve observed them in my own life.

When you’re in your 20’s, you know everything. You have life and God and people figured out. You can be a little careless and casual with your relationships because you still believe that you can be friends with everybody. The world is black and white and it’s easy to jump to conclusions. I know I was much more legalistic and judgmental then.

The 30’s are an age where you know increasingly less and less. The world has more shades of gray. You learn to give more grace because you see parts of you that you wish weren’t there. Maybe it’s jealousy or sudden fits of anger or envy. It’s much more difficult to write people off. You have fewer, but deeper, friendships and you treasure them more because you know how fragile life is and how hard it is to find deep meaningful relationships.

I can’t speak for the 40’s. Hopefully, I’ve gained wisdom with more than a dash of humility. I’ve learned being right doesn’t mean nearly as much to me as being reconciled and at peace with people. I’ve learned above all to give myself grace and allowance for my mistakes. I’ve learned not to beat myself up when I act out of hurt or anxiety occasionally, because I’m still learning and growing and healing.

So, to sum it up, love people where they are and don’t burden them with lots of assumptions and expectations. After all, you know what you make of you and me when you assume– an ass.

Also, be generous in grace and forgiveness. You never know when you’ll need both.

When a girl says to me that she’d rather not meet for coffee because she feels more comfortable in a group setting, what I hear is “If you were the last man on earth, I’d turn lesbian or join a convent before I’d date you.”

In a “just friends” situation, I take it to mean “Dude, you creep me out a little” or “You give me the screaming heebie-jeebies. Back off!”

I admit it. I don’t think linearly (if that’s even a word). I sometimes take giant leaps to conclusions that aren’t warranted. But I have more fun than the people who only think in a straight line.

I love being me. Yes, I did take my pills this morning. Back to more sane blogs tomorrow.