spirituality

Confession Session #3,908: Friendships And All That Other Stuff

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I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m not the best at relationships, especially friendships. I tend to either be overwhelmingly friendly or awkward. I think most people have a low Greg-tolerance and after they’ve reached that limit, they have to go home and wash their hair or feed the dog.

I know I overstay my welcome in certain conversations and the other person finally has to go home, put on some Barry Manilow, and lie down for a while. FYI: you can tell me in a nice way to shut up and go away if you need to.

I think I’ve lost a few friendships through being too weird or too goofy or too me. And some relationships have simply run their course and they have served God’s purpose in my life (and hopefully, the reverse).

In the past, I might have obsessed over those and wondered what I could have done differently. I might even have made a fool of myself trying to extend a friendship beyond its natural life.

After all that, I confess that I’m much better than I used to be. I try not to talk so fast and to not always talk about me. I’m learning to listen and not always be thinking about my next response. I’m growing in grace.

Jesus truly has been the friend that’s closer than a brother and he’s teaching me how to be a better friend. A better prayer warrior. A better empathizer. And hopefully, one day, a better husband and father.

So, I’m asking for grace from you. And I’m trying to give it in those moments when you need it. All the best relationships are based on grace and forgiveness and second chances and do-overs.

I believe that what goes around comes around. I also believe that the way you treat others indicates your love for God. People who love God and are secure in God’s love for them can’t help but be loving and forgiving and generous in their relationships.

I know a little of me goes a long way sometimes, so I’ll try not to overstay my welcome. And I’ll give you space when you need a break from me, ’cause there are times I need a break from me (said jokingly).

May we each be Jesus to each other and help each other as we all try to figure out this crazy life business. We really do need each other.

“But We Had Hoped . . . “

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despair

“And we had our hopes up that he was the One, the One about to deliver Israel” (Luke 24:21).

I know you know what it’s like to have your hopes dashed yet again.

Maybe you thought a certain person was the one, but it turned out that he wasn’t interested in you like that or she only wanted to be friends.

Maybe you invested in a friendship and found out that you weren’t nearly as high on the other person’s list of priorities. Or maybe that other person saw some of your flaws and decided you just weren’t worth the effort anymore.

Maybe you felt confident after a really good job interview only to discover the company went with someone else they felt was a “better fit.”

Maybe you gave your time and energy and talent to a company for so many years only to find yourself on the receiving end of a pink slip with the words that went something like “we had to make some cutbacks somewhere.”

Maybe you’re at the place where it’s easier not to hope anymore. Where it’s easier not to open up to anyone or trust anyone beyond a surface level anymore. Where it’s easier and safer to give up on your dreams than risk the possibility of more disappointment and heartache.

Just like those two disciples, maybe you and I have gotten so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss who it is that’s walking alongside of us. We’ve missed his comforting words. Don’t you see him yet?

It’s Jesus.

I love what I heard a pastor say recently that went something like this: “Aren’t you glad that at the greatest hour of need that God didn’t send a text or a skype invite? He sent Jesus.”

Jesus has come to hear your story and then connect it with his. Not that he’ll be surprised by anything you tell him. He already knows what you’ve been through, even the ugly parts you would never tell another living soul. And he loves you.

He’ll stick around when friends bail, when spouses leave, when children don’t want to come around anymore. He’ll love you even when you can’t find the strength to love yourself.

Tonight, I’m more thankful for Jesus than ever. I know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed by negative thinking and feelings of abandonment, he’s speaking peace into my chaos. He’s whispering truth over the lies I’m believing.

And he won’t ever leave me.

Those Crazy Spider Monkeys!

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monkey

I heard something very interesting about monkeys and coconuts. And no, there’s not a Monty Python joke coming. Or a reference to any Animal Planet show currently airing.

I heard that a way to trap a spider monkey is to drill a hole in a coconut just big enough for its hand to fit in and put food in there. The little monkeys will reach in and grab the food, but with their hands in a fist clutching their prize, they can’t pull it out again.

The end result is either death or capture.

My first reaction is: aren’t those just greedy little monkeys?

My second is: what is so great about what they’re holding onto that they can’t let go?

Then I wonder how many times I’ve been trapped like that by holding onto something I don’t need to. Like a wound from my past. Or maybe a failure I can’t forgive myself for. Or maybe a selfish desire of mine.

Maybe you’re holding onto your idea of how your life should play out. Maybe it’s a relationship that’s toxic and hazardous to your health and your heart. Maybe it’s unforgiveness that keeps you up nights. It could be anything that takes the place of Jesus in your heart. Even good things.

Whatever it is, you can’t move forward until you let it go. You can’t be free unless you release your grasp of whatever it is that you’re white-knuckling.

I’m reminded of a story of a little girl whose father gave her some imitation pearls. She loved those pearls and wore them everywhere. She even slept in them. But one day her dad asked the unthinkable.

“Give me your pearls,” he said.

“No, Daddy. You can have anything else. My dollies, my stuffed animals, but not my pearls.”

So he let it go that night. But he asked again the next night. And the night after that.

Finally, with tears in her eyes, she said, “Yes, Daddy. You can have my pearls.”

With one hand he took the imitation pearls, and with the other he gave her a box containing very real and very expensive pearls. He had been waiting for her to let go of the imitation so she could have the real thing.

What are you holding onto that keeps you from receiving what God has for you? It may be a good thing, but if it keeps you from God’s best, let it go. If it keeps you from full devotion and obedience to Jesus, let it go.

Trust me, what you give up won’t even compare to what you get in compare. Or as a guy named Jim Elliot once said, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

Spring’s Here

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I gotta tell ya. I’m lovin’ this weather we’re having in Middle Tennessee. I don’t know what’s going on in the rest of the country, but right here, the weather’s just fine.

I think the temperature is supposed to be in the 70’s for the entire week. After going up and down from warm to cold like a demented yo-yo, this is a nice change of pace. I don’t know if there’s any chance of rain, but I’m fairly certain there’ll be no snow at least until next December.

My favorite of the seasons is fall, but spring’s a close second. Especially when it’s right around 75 and the sun is shining and a cool breeze is blowing. I can literally feel my cares blowing away with the wind.

I know better than to trust Tennessee weather or Tennessee weather forecasters. So nix what I said earlier about no more snow. Stranger things have happened in April and even in May.

I’m just thankful that I woke up this morning and was able to enjoy the fine Sunday spring day. I don’t take for granted that I’ll get the same privilege tomorrow. It’ll be another gift tomorrow.

 

God’s Dreams

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I think this car best fits my personality (but unfortunately not my checkbook).

I think this car best fits my personality (but unfortunately not my checkbook).

I have a little dream that probably has no basis in reality. It pops up every time I wind up in downtown Franklin. I see myself driving a little red Mini-Cooper to my little stone house with the red door and going inside to work on my next novel.

Maybe there’s a little basis of reality there. I don’t know. It sounds like good life to me.

But I also know that my dreams for myself are nothing compared to God’s dreams for me. His dreams for me are much more vast, much grander in scope, more breathtaking and awe-inspiring than mine could ever be. I’d go so far as so say that if I saw the whole of what God has for me, my little brain would probably explode and little pieces of my mind would end up all over Williamson County. It would not be pretty.

Up to now, I’ve seen only the tiniest glimpses of those dreams and been amazed. God’s dreams for me are the motivation I need to not quit and to not give up on myself or on anyone else in my life.

What are God’s dreams for you? Where do you see God leading you in the days and months and years ahead?

Imagine the grandest dreams you’ve ever had for yourself and multiply those by a thousand. Or better yet, by ten thousand. Then you’ve only begun to touch the dreams God has for you. You’ve only touched the hem of the tapestry of your life God is weaving for you at this very moment.

All I know to do is to trust God’s dreams for me and be faithful in the small details. God has never failed one-up my expectations every single time and I know the next time will definitely not be an exception.

“No one’s ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

The Ebb and Flow of Life

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It seems like every area of life has an ebb and flow.

When you’re out looking for a job, one minute you feel like you’re the most talented person out there and could handle any type of job and the next you feel like you don’t have any skills and are basically unhireable.

Or maybe you’re out in the wacky world of dating. Maybe one day you feel good about yourself and your looks and feel confident in your chances. The next day you might feel like no one will ever be attracted to you and you will die single, dateless, and alone.

It could be that in general you have moments where you feel that everything in your life will work out fine and you feel optimistic about your future. Then the next time around you feel like you’re doomed to a series of failures and disappointments.

As with most politics and theology, the truth is somewhere in the middle. You can acknowledge these feelings, but don’t let them run your life or you will be all over the map. Literally. The truth is that your circumstances are usually not as rosy or as bleak as you think they are. You’re not God’s gift to the opposite sex or a leper. You probably won’t go through life with a 100% success or 100% failure rating, but you’ll have a bit of both.

For me, when I get caught up in the ebb and flow of emotions, I’ve learned not to try to deny the feelings or suppress them, but take them to God. I admit that while these feelings seem true, God is truer than any feelings. While feelings are fickle and changeable, God remains the same forever.

I’ve always liked the old saying that goes something like this: work like it’s all up to you and pray like it’s all up to God. In other words, faith means acting on what you believe and going for what God is calling you to, because faith is an active verb.

So keep trusting God when life seems great and when life sucks. Keep praying when you feel like it and when you don’t, when every prayer is answered affirmatively and when your prayers don’t seem to get past the ceiling. Keep asking, seeking, and knocking, regardless of circumstances.

Maybe I’ll take some of my own advice for once.

 

 

Angry Birds, Fruit Ninjas, and Talking Tom Cats

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angrybirds

I have discovered the world of iPhone apps and may have gone a little overboard. Among my most recent discoveries were Fruit Ninjas and Angry Birds.

I can deal with Fruit Ninjas. It’s an easy concept that doesn’t require too much brain activity. Slicing fruit with a ninja sward? It’s a simple yet brilliant concept that kinda has me jonesing for a fruit smoothie right about now. Angry birds is another story.

Let’s just say that when you play the latter game, you feel like giving them the bird in more ways than just catapulting the little feathered fiends toward their little piggy targets. And boys howdy, those are some mean-lookin’ pigs.

Fruit-Ninja-Update

I think it’s time to take a step back and not get carried away about a game where you catapult birds at pigs. So what if the game is rigged? It’s still not worth losing sleep over. The world won’t end because that one little piggy is left standing.

That’s where the Talking Tom app comes in. It’s my favorite. All you do is say something and the little tom cat repeats it. You can even rub his belly and make him purr. Or buy him hats and t-shirts. It’s really up to you.

talkingtomcat

As much as I love new technology (or at least new-to-me technology), it’s helpful to keep it in proper perspective. People still come first. When social media trumps personal interaction, there’s a problem. I’ll still take face-to-face conversations over texting any day. Even over skyping.

And there’s still the little matter of manners. As old-fashioned and antiquated as that sounds, manners still count even when it comes to social media. It’s simply being considerate and treating others how you would like to be treated, regardless of what medium you’re using.

So put down that phone and talk to the person you’re with. That text can wait, but that person won’t always be there.

 

 

A Kairos Challenge

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Tonight, Mike Glenn spoke about the disciples on the road to Emmaus and how they failed to recognize Jesus because so often the last place we look for Jesus is right where we are. Jesus showed the highest compliment to his disciples when he called them friends and proved it when he laid down his life for these friends.

We are called to do the same. We are called to walk alongside people and be their friend, not for any gain or for any return, but simply for the sake of friendship. Even if the other person shows no inclination toward your viewpoint and wants nothing to do with your God, you are still called to be a friend.

The example Jesus showed us is that a friend is a friend, regardless. I can never give up on a friend because Jesus never gave up on me even though he had plenty of opportunities and reasons to do so.

We’re also called to be neighbors. Not in the sense of location, but in the sense of hospitality. The Good Samaritan parable shows us that the definition of a neighbor is someone who has a need that we have the power to meet, regardless of whether that person looks like us, acts like us, or believes us. Regardless of whether that person is likable or not.

I can’t remember where I heard it before and I’m sure I’ve shared it before, but I love the idea that Jesus is the ultimate neighbor. I was the one lying beaten and bloody on the side of the road, half dead. Jesus was the only one to stop and help me. He was the only one who paid for my care.

So, the challenge tonight is to be a friend and a neighbor. Not necessarily to shove my faith down anyone’s throat or prove the existence of God and the Bible. Just to love people where they are for who they are just like someone once loved me.

That’s all.

April Fool’s Day

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I have to admit. I missed out on the fun. I was neither the prankster nor the prank-ee, although Monday itself is enough of a bad prank for anyone.

I went on my first run since December and did better than expected. I thought surely I’d be huffing and puffing and passing out after a few blocks, but I ran 2 miles in 21 minutes, which may not be any new world record for speed but was good enough for me.

I wore my brand-new, never-worn, red New Balance running shoes. And man, they are red. I suppose if I clicked my heels together I might wind up in Kansas. They are that red.

It seems like there’s always a bit of a letdown after any major holiday. For me, I always dreaded the day after Christmas, because all that hype and excitement was over and there were 364 more days till the next one. I could always console myself after Thanksgiving with leftovers, so that wasn’t so bad.

But for Easter, I somehow seem to forget so easily what I just celebrated. That Jesus is alive, that not even death and hell could hold him, that there is new life and new hope now that wasn’t there before.

I guess I’ll have to look into this Pentecost Sunday business and find out what it’s all about. It wasn’t on my Baptist radar growing up, so I don’t know too much about it. I just know that one day isn’t enough to celebrate the resurrection anymore than one day is sufficient to celebrate Jesus’ miraculous birth.

I just looked up Pentecost on Wikipedia and found out that the main sign of Pentecost in the Western Churches is the color red, symbolizing joy and the fire of the Holy Spirit. So maybe I’ll wear my red shoes.

Next year, I hope I won’t be fooled into letting the meaning of Easter slip away so easily after only one day. And maybe I can come up with a good prank.

An Easter Reboot

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resurrection

“The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace… We must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection” (Henri Nouwen).

The stone was rolled away from the door, not to permit Christ to come out, but to enable the disciples to go in” (Peter Marshall).

Sometimes, it takes Easter to get my mind refocused. Like so many of you, I can get off track so very easily and forget who I am and what I’m here for. I need to be reminded that I am indeed the beloved, the chosen child of God. My purpose is to live that out as best I can, to become what God has already declared me to be.

I take Easter for granted because I already know how the story ends. Or at least I think I do.

In fact, Easter isn’t an end, but a beginning. C. S. Lewis in his book, The Last Battle, said that all of history was merely a title page and a preface. Eternity is the real beginning of the book, where each chapter is better than the last and the story is truly neverending.

Easter reminds me that my forgiveness might have been free for me, but not free. it might have not cost me anything, but it was not without cost. I don’t need to forget that my forgiveness cost God the very highest price and is the most extravagant gift ever given in history. I don’t need to take that lightly or for granted.

Easter also reminds me that failure isn’t final, that goodbyes aren’t forever, and that truth and faith and love and hope all survive the grave and come out stronger on the other side. I guess that’s why I love it so much.

 

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