I was thinking today about something I read a while back. I think it was Elisabeth Elliot who wrote about dying to self. She said that every hardship and disappointment is a chance to die to self. Every heartache or heartbreak is a chance to die. I have found that to be so very true.

Every time something I hoped for doesn’t work out is a chance to die.

Every time a person suddenly moves out of my life for no reason is a chance to die.

Every time a dream evaporates is a chance to die.

Every time I feel let down and can choose to lash out or imitate Christ in silence is a chance to die.

Every time I have a friendship where a wall suddenly goes up and the friend goes silent is a chance to die.

Every time I think I’m doing so very well and have it altogether, only to get tripped up over something petty, is a chance to die.

I have a chance to die every day to what I think are my rights, what I think I deserve. I have a chance to die to my need to be constantly approved, applauded, noticed, patted on the back, etc. I have a chance to die to my constant efforts to be liked and to be seen and to have my name look good. And I think I die a little every day in each of these areas.

John the Baptist said that he must decrease, so that Jesus could increase. That’s what I want to want. I want to want people to look at me and see Jesus. I want them to look at my life and instead of admiring me, to be awakened to a longing for Jesus. I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating; I am nothing and Jesus is everything.

If no one reads this blog or comments on it, it’s another chance to die. And this time, I’ll gladly take it!

Lately, we seem to miss the point of Christmas, I think. We’ve gotten so caught up in how everyone should be saying “Merry Christmas” as opposed to “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” that we’ve mostly forgotten that Christmas is about seeing Christ. It is His birthday we’re celebrating, and it is all about Him, not us.

When we see Jesus through eyes of faith, two things happen: 1) our world is totally and  completely wrecked and 2) we fall on our faces in the dirt in worship. We can’t help but become undignified and fanatical in His presence. All our plans and posturing fall away to nothing at the feet of Jesus.

All those things we thought were so urgent and important fade away and the One we have taken for granted  takes center stage. All the striving to get that certain someone to like us or to be appreciated or to see and be seen ceases and we are finally able to be still and know that Jesus is God. We find out that we are so much more broken and needy than we ever thought, but Jesus is so much more than we ever dreamed He could be.

We can be disturbed by His presence or indifferent to it. I find the saddest thing about the Christmas story was that the religious leaders who knew their Scriptures and prophecy were reluctant to make that 5 mile journey to see the Christ-child. Truly, knowledge and piety aren’t what it takes. Adoration and worship are.

This Christmas, I want to be an undignified worshipper of the Child in the manger. I want to fall on my face in the dirt and open my treasures and give until it hurts and keep on giving until it feels right again.

What I’m asking for this Christmas is Jesus.

God, my banner and my shield, guard me today as I go about my daily activities. Guard me from the evil one and from the world, but mostly guard me from myself. Guard me from the overanalytical, obsessive-compulsive, selfish worshipper of me that I can be sometimes.

Guard my heard from being swayed to and fro by emotions, ungodly passions, infatuations and diversions from You. Guard my heard, the wellspring of my life. Let me not be in control of my own heart, but may Your peace rule over it. My heart is deceitful and if I let it have its way, I will be a mess. Even more of a mess than I am now. So guard my heard and while You’re at it, transform it, too. Take out my heart and give me Yours.

Guard my mind from figuring out how I can fix and manipulate and arrange everything to work out the way I want it to. Guard me from leaning on my own understanding in lieu of trusting in You. Take my mind and let me have the mind of Christ. All his thoughts were of pleasing You and accomplishing Your will. I want that mindset in me.

Guard me from me. Take me and break me and mold me into You. Fill me so that You fill me up and pour through every pore in my body until all the world sees anymore is You.

Be the Supply to all my need, the Answer to all my questions, the Wine to all my thirsting, the Bread to all my hungering, the Balm to all my hurt, and the Peace to all my anxiety.

Thank You that You  said you would be all these things and all the things I never thought or dreamed to ask You to be.

Amen.

When I’m feeling depressed or tired in my spirit, sometimes the best therapy in the world for me is a good Coldplay song and some caffeine. Especially songs like “What If” or “Fix You” or “In My Place.” And if you want to know what song describes my dating history, listen to “Fix You.” My dating life is sorta like the song– slow and sad. With lots of organs playing in the background.

I don’t know what it is. Chris Martin’s voice or the awesome guitar effects or the pensive, thoughtful lyrics. I just feel better with Coldplay. And caffeine helps, too.

Some other artists that give me good therapy are Patty Griffin, Sara Groves, Andrew Peterson, U2 and Joni Mitchell, to name a few. A good song is one that speaks to your soul and puts what you’re feeling into words better than you ever could. At least that’s what I think a good song is.

Oh, chocolate helps. But I have to lower my cholesterol, so I will be sticking with my Coldplay and caffeine for now.

Jesus speaks to me sometimes in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places, whether through music or conversation or Scripture or just silence. I’m learning to appreciate the silence more.

Let me know what therapy you use when you’re battling anxiety or discouragement. I would love to hear what God uses to lift up your spirits!

I think sometimes forgiveness is hard. It’s hard to forgive someone who has betrayed your trust and hurt you. That’s hard. It’s also something we have to do if we really mean what we say about loving Jesus and following Him wherever He leads.

I think for me the hardest person in the world to forgive is me. I am notoriously hard on myself. Always have been. I give others way more benefit of the doubt than I do me. Sometimes, I think I do more harm by not giving myself grace and forgiveness.

Jesus said what you did to the least of these, you do to Him. What if at some point the least of these is me? If I am harsh and unyielding toward myself, I am the same way to Jesus.

I am learning that it really is okay to be human and fail and screw up. It’s not the end of the world for me when I try to hard to make a relationship instead of trusting God and letting the relationship grow naturally. God knew exactly how many times I would mess up, how badly I would mess up, and how many times I would keep messing up the same things. But He still chose to come to Earth and become an infant for me. He chose to go to Calvary and bear the nails and my sin, all for love of me. That should tell me something.

Jesus redeemed me. That is, He died to purchase me back and give my life meaning and make me into somebody not special, but extraordinary. That’s what redemption means: you are extraordinary, a masterpiece, and you are valuable to God.

This is a lesson I will learn and re-learn for the rest of my life, but I believe that with Jesus, no battle or struggle or heartache or heartbreak is ever in vain or wasted. He works everything in my life into something glorious and beautiful. And the most beautiful part of me has been, is, and will always be JESUS!

Bethlehem is not where I would have chosen to start if I were the Messiah (which thankfully I am not!) Bethlehem is a small backwoods town. I definitely would not have chosen a barn to be born in, a peasant 13-year old to bring me into the world, or a feeding trough to be my crib. Again, I am so thankful it was not up to me.

God chose those places and those people to remind me that where you start is not nearly as important as how you finish. God started from the most meager, humblest place imaginable  and became an infant who would become the Savior who would literally change everything after Him.

That means, that if we give God even only the smallest of openings into our lives, He can enter in and transform us from the inside out. He can transform our world through His Spirit in us. He can do outright miracles through even our tiniest steps toward obedience.

“God needs only a little of our agreement in order to work mighty wonders” (Calvin Miller).

God, I give you a broken, messed-up pile of rubbish that the world has thrown away. I give you me. My life. All my ugly failures and wretched stains and good intentions gone to hell. I give you the rest of my life for you to do whatever You want in me, wherever You want,  whenever You want, however You want. I’m all Yours.

I am making room for You this Advent season. Not just in my home, but in my heart. Come and reign with Your peace over me. Use me until I am all used up. Shine through me until the world around me is saturated with Your love.

I am nothing, Jesus, and You are everything. Thank You for invading my life and never relenting or giving up on me!

First of all, I am a fan of saying, “Merry Christmas,” and I will continue to do so. “Happy holidays” always sounded so generic to me. That being said, I have my own opinions about the controversy over Merry Christmas vs. Merry Xmas or Happy holidays.

First of all, we can’t expect non-Christian people and companies to have Christian mindsets. I personally think the problem with America is not lost people acting like lost people (which is natural for them to do), but those who call themselves Christians and not living like Christians. But that is for a different blog on a different day.

I myself am not going to get all bent out of shape if people say Happy holidays. Besides, the word “holiday” is derived from “holy day.” And the “X” in “Merry Xmas” represents the first letter of Christ in the Greek. Kind of like an abbreviation that still means the same thing.

Ultimately, we look to Christ for our example. When people reviled him personally, he didn’t get angry or carry picket signs. He was silent before those who mocked them. The one action He took was to die in the most agonizing way possible on a cross. The only words He spoke in response were, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

How can we expect those without the Spirit of God in them to understand the things of God, especially Christmas? How can someone whose mind has not been renewed and transformed by Christ even fathom what Christmas and the Incarnation mean?

I don’t even pretend to have the final answer on this question. I do know where I stand and that is on the side of grace, not on the side of judgment and legalism. I don’t break fellowship over this. I love people like Christ loved people and I try to be Jesus to all people, whether they say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy holidays” or “Bah humbug!”

That’s my take on “Merry Christmas.”