I have my own to-do list, but it’s all fun stuff. Not as grandiose as a bucket list, but still some things I’d like to do.

1) I want to go see Soul Sufer. Every time so far I’ve tried to see it, it’s been sold out. Hopefully, the third time’s a charm.

2) I want to see Needtobreathe in concert. I’m tired of finding out after the fact how incredible they were and what a fantastic concert they put on. I want to be there in the crowd finding out for myself.

3) Give myself a little more grace. I need to let up on myself and learn to forgive myself for failing. I need to learn to relax the standards I’ve set up for myself and be okay with the fact that I’m not where I’m supposed to be, according to some artificial and subjective standard. I’m where God wants me to be.

4) I want to go to a drive-in movie again. I mean, why not? It’s summer and the weather will be great up until July, when it will be hotter than a furnace fan and I will be sweating like the pig that knows he’s dinner.

5) I want to take more risks and not play it safe and automatically concede defeat before I even begin.

6) I want to read my Bible more and pray more, not because I have to, but because I get to. Not out of guilt or a sense of obligation, but because it’s life and bread and water and joy and the very air I breathe.

7) I want to share my faith with at least one person, regardless of whether they accept or reject what I have to say. I want to be obedient in that area of my life again.

8) I want this blog to have 300 words. Oh wait. That’s done. Good job, me!

I just finished Rob Bell’s new book, that highly controversial one, called Love Wins. This is the part where I’m probably supposed to rip the guy a new one, and call him a heretic and a blasphemer and a false teacher and all that. That he’s headed straight for hell. That’s not what this blog is about.

Sure, his book is full of errors and misconceptions about God’s love. He has certainly strayed far from the faith of the apostles. But more than anything, I came away from the book feeling frustrated. He never really definitively states his position about heaven or hell or salvation or anything. He asks a lot of questions but fails to give real answers. That more than anything is what I found disappointing.

I am also challenged and sobered in regard to my own faith. There’s no guarantee that I can coast through life and maintain my beliefs. There’s no sure bet that I am safe from any kind of theological error if I am passive about my faith.

We as fallen human beings don’t naturally drift toward discipline and purity of heart and sound doctrine. If anything, we drift away from these things. That’s why the Bible calls us to work out (and not for) our salvation and to make sure our calling. It calls us to not accept what we hear from anyone, but test the spirits and see if these things are so, like the Bereans did in Acts.

It would be very easy to bash Rob Bell and throw him under the bus. But it’s harder to admit that tendancy toward error is in me, too. It’s scary to think that apart from the grace of God, there’s nothing I’m not capable of doing or saying or believing.

The best cure against heresy and error is to live the truth in such a way that it makes God look as big and great as He is. Not small through hate and meanness and one-upsmanship. But big enough to disagree with someone and still love them, to still pray for someone whose beliefs aren’t biblical.

So the takeaway is to guard your heart and make sure you know what God actually says by living and breathing and eating and drinking His Word. Add a dash (or a more likely a heaping helping) of humility and grace and prayer. Then embrace all of the truth of God, not just what is socially palatable or easy to digest, but all of it. And most of all, learn to love well, because in the end love does actually win.

What is freedom? True freedom?

Is it doing whatever you want whenever you want?

Is it not being bound by any rules or authority?

Is it going out on the town and staying up until 3 am every night or getting drunk or high every night?

Is it living out of control with no plan or thought for the future?

Is it saying to yourself, “I’m under grace, so I can do anything– even sin– and ask for forgiveness in the morning?”

Is that really freedom?

Or is freedom being free to be exactly who God made you to be and discover what He made you for?

Is it freedom from anybody ever hanging any guilt trip over your head ever again?

Is it living with no regrets in a second innocence where you have no more reason for shame?

Is it knowing that your own life is not really yours, but that you belong to Another who has great plans for you and a greater purpose for you to be involved in? That in every moment you are securely and safely in His everlasting arms?

Which sounds better to you? The first kind of freedom with no rules, no purpose, and no meaning, or the second kind where your freedom is being a part of God’s campaign to set things right and set others free?

Am I asking too many questions? Have I been reading too much of Rob Bell lately? When will this blog ever end? Can I go to bed now?

The answers to the last four questions are: Yes. Yes. Soon. Yes.

May you find true freedom in the Jesus Who came to proclaim the Year of the Lord and to set His captives (including you and me) free. And last of all, don’t you hate it when a blog ends with a question?

Lord, you have seen me halfway through the week. You’ve seen me when I was just about ready to quit and give up and You’ve seen me when I was riding the heights. In all the flux of my emotions, You have been the only constant.

Help me to not look at the problems, but to see You in the midst of them.

Help me not to trust myself when I’m feeling good and the world seems doable. Help me to trust You always, in the good and bad.

Lord, I am taking this life one day at a time. I am like everybody else and I tend to forget You and Your goodness. I tend to delude myself into thinking it is all up to me.

Remind me of Who You are daily. Remind me of my need for You. Remind me of how strong You are to save and how gentle You are to hold me when I’m at my weakest.

Most of all, remind me that the best is still yet to come. Remind me that eye has not seen nor ear heard nor has it entered into the heart of man what You have prepared for those who love You. That’s what I wait and hope for.

I wait and hope for You, for You are what my heart desires at the deepest level, even though what I may think and feel would tell me otherwise.

Let me rest in Your promises and seek to prepare myself to receive them.

Last, be with all my family and friends and remind them, too, of Your mighty arms wrapped around each of us. May we shine like lights in dark places and lead people to You. Not only in the dramatic moments, but in the quiet, mundane moments, too. That’s when people are watching.

Thank You that You won’t stop until You’ve given and done everything You’ve promised. Thank You that You Yourself are the Promise that You give to us.

Amen.

Some things that really stood out to me from Mike Glenn at Kairos were these:

Stay with the prayer until you get to the praise. Keep praying, even if your prayer has no words and is only the cry of your heart. Keep seeking and wrestling with God until the blessing comes. Keep crying out until the tears and mourning turn to dancing and joy.

As for blessing, if God showed you His box of blessings and told you that you had already used up all the blessings He had for you, would you be able to say, “I’m good?” If God never gave you anything else– no blessing, no visible reminder of His presense, no comfort nor peace, and all you had was God and God only, would that be enough? Would you be able to say with Job, “The Lord has given and taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord?”

Jesus knows what it’s like to feel alone. His prayer from Psalm 22 expresses the feeling of abandonment when He cries out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” Don’t for a second think that Jesus doesn’t know or understand what you’re going through in any stage of your life. He does. And He knows you better than you know yourself, for He made you.

If the worst case scenario happens, if your plan A fails, God will still be God. His plan B may not be what you would have chosen, but you get all of God in the bargain. You will never look back at where He led you and see how He provided for you during that season and wish you could have had your plan A. Never.

For the record, this is my commentary on tonight’s Kairos message from Mike Glenn. It’s probably random, but that’s the way my mind is going tonight. My prayer for you is that you know always in every season of life, in every sunny sky, and every storm that God is with you, God is for you, and God is in you. Always.

If that’s all you ever take away from all my blogs, that’s perfectly okay with me. I’d be good with that.

To me, love is the ultimate and perfect form of protest. I don’t mean the ooey-gooey butterflies in your stomach kind of crush love. I don’t even mean the romantic flowers and moonlit walks kind of love. This love is much deeper and stronger and wilder than those. This love can only come from God. It’s called agape love.

When the world tells you to say, “Me first,” Love makes you say “You first.”

When the world says that payback is your right, Love says turn the other cheek.

When the world tell you don’t owe anything to anybody, Love not only says to serve but to go the extra mile.

When the world tries to define what a neighbor is, Love says that it’s anyone who is in my sphere of influence who has a need that I can meet.

When the world says, “That’s just the way life is. That’s just the way you are. You can’t change,” Love says “You can’t, but I can.”

When the world hates you and curses you and beats you and spits in your face, Love says, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.”

When the world asks, “What can be done about all the suffering in the world?” Love gives one cup of cold water to the thirsty, one warm blanket to the naked, one shoulder to cry on for the brokenhearted, one Cross to cling to for the ones who can’t save themselves.

Love inspired 120 disciples to change their world. Love doesn’t accept the status quo or the socially acceptable or the norm. Love won’t stop looking for ways to help the hopeless and give light to the ones in darkness and speak for those who have no voice.

This love isn’t just for the pretty or the popular or the prominent. This love is for the widow, the orphan, the enemy, the outcast, the leper, the broken, the ashamed, the self-doubter. This love seeks out those who need it most but deserve it least.

Love is what brings God’s people together in such a way that people notice and God is glorified. Love is what wins in the end, but love won’t force anyone to be on the winning side who doesn’t want to be. God is love and if He is in us, then we will truly love like He loved us.

And that kind of love speaks louder than any hate speech or picket sign or protest march ever did. Love is the ultimate form of nonviolent resistance. All the power of all the weapons and all the slogans and all the angry rhetoric and all the violence combined can’t even touch the power of Agape Love.

I want that. And I hope you do, too.

Immanuel. It means God With Us. All the time. Regardless. No matter what.

God is with you when you’re living right and have amazing times of intimacy with God, and God is with you when you couldn’t possibly screw things up more than you have and God seems a million miles away.

God is with you when every cell in your body is on fire with passion for Him, and God is with you when you feel colder than a midnight in December in the deepest part of winter.

God is with you when you’re raising your hands in praise and thanksgiving for blessings, and God is with you when you raise your hands to wipe away tears that just won’t stop from a heart that’s breaking and a life that’s crashing down around you.

God is with you when He gives, and God is with you when He takes away.

God is with you when you’re running with arms wide open into your Abba’s embrace, and God is with you when you’re running like Jonah as far away from God as you can get.

God is with you when you feel Him, and God is with you when you feel nothing.

God is with you through victory and overcoming, and God is with you in the addiction that won’t quit or let go that you just fell back into for the hundreth time after promising yet again you wouldn’t.

Immanuel. God is with you forever. God will never leave you or forsake you. He will never cease to be as faithful as the morning sunrise or true as His own promises.

He’s not waiting for you to get your act together or quit sinning or improve yourself. He’s not holding out on you until you get cleaned up and get your house in order to come visit. He’s with you now, where you are and just as you are. Not leaving you that way, for God with us is also God for us and God in us, changing us forever.

God, of all your names, I love the name Immanuel best, for it means you are always with me. I love it because I need it most. I need you most.

Amen.

“Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on their God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment. ” (Isaiah 50:10).

I heard something that specially caught my attention in a sermon recently. Do I trust in God’s activity or His identity. In other words, do I trust more what I see Him doing in my life or do I trust more in Who I know Him to be, based on how He has revealed Himself to me through Scripture and my own past experiences? As the old saying goes, when you can’t see His hand, trust His heart. There’s some truth to that.

So when God seems distant and silent and still, am I confident enough in Who He has declared Himself to be to wait? Will I actively wait, all the while preparing myself to receive what He’s preparing for me? Or will I try scheme and manipulate and coerce God’s plan to fit into my own timetable?

Sometimes I’m able to wait well. Sometimes I am just as crafty and conniving as a Jacob. Sometimes, I am like Abraham and Sarah, who thought they would “help” God out concerning His promise for a son for them. I know what torment that can bring to my own soul. How much unrest and inner turmoil can result. How many sleepless nights are the result.

God has proven Himself faithful to me many, many times. I know He is good and He is able to fulfill all He promised to me. I know He is able to do far above anything I could ask or imagine (and I have a pretty big imagination). I just don’t always wait well. Especially when I wait with no visible reward or result.

I say to me and to you to trust in God’s character more than what you perceive of His activity. I have found that the wait is always worth it and no time spent waiting is ever wasted. And more than anything I could ever recieve from His hand, getting to know God and His heart is the best part of the whole deal.

So I will continue to wait. And trust. And believe.