religion

The Hardest Person to Forgive

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

despair
I  recently messed up with a friend and spent the whole day beating myself up. Believe it or not, that’s an improvement over what I would have done a year ago. My whole day wasn’t ruined, at least.

I got admonished and I deserved it. I won’t go into details or name names, but I certainly had it coming. In fact, it was much more kind and graceful than I really deserved.

I kept running lines from the note through my mind and wishing I could go back and undo what I had done. I couldn’t and I can’t.

All this is to say that the person who most needs to forgive me is me. I hope and pray my friend forgives me, but I know that unless I do, I’ll be stuck and unable to move forward.

Did I mention I am hard on myself? I am better than I was. I used to be extraordinarily hard on myself, but I’ve eased up a bit in my old age.

If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, let me tell you you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way and I understand. You may think you never will come to that place, but I am living proof that you can and you will.

Just let the Word of Truth wash over you. Let Jesus speak healing over you. Remember that you are still His beloved, no matter what. He at least will never give up on you or quit wanting to be around you.

Anyway, that’s my confession session for the day. I pray it will speak to someone and bring deliverance where it is most needed.

Farewell to Mayberry

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I saw recently where Andy Griffith passed away. For me, it’s truly the end of an era of innocence and simplicity. Sure, I know that the old Andy Griffith Show wasn’t the most realistic TV show ever, but even if it was only a dream, it was a good dream.

Thank you, Andy.

You showed the world that a true man doesn’t need swagger or bravado to be a man. A true man doesn’t need to yell or hit people to prove his masculinity.

You showed that being a real man means being a good nephew, a good father, and a good citizen. You showed that masculinity means leading by example and not just with words.

You showed me it’s okay to admit when you’re wrong and ask forgiveness. You weren’t perfect by any means, but you never quit being the gentleman or took the day off from doing the right thing.

Thank you for your humble attitude, your love for your son, your love of God, and your quiet determination.

I and every other man look at you as a hero and hope to be the kind of man you were someday.

 

What Do You Want?

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

At Kairos tonight, Mike Glenn posed this question: Suppose God shows up in front of you and asks you want you want, no limits and no restrictions. What would you ask for?

The Bible relates that happening to King Solomon. He could have asked for the death of his enemies or vast wealth. He probably didn’t need any more wives, so I imagine that wasn’t an option.

He chose wisdom.

What would you choose? What would I choose?

I want my answer to be as much of God as I can handle. I remember the verse in Matthew that says to seek first the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness, and everything else will be added.

That’s not saying that I will strike it rich or that a fabulously wealthy uncle that I’ve never heard of will kick the bucket and leave his gazillions to me. That’s saying that I will get what I need when I need it.

My growing desire these days is to hunger and thirst after God more than anything else. Before you start thinking how super-spiritual I am, let me rephrase that statement. I want to want to hunger and thirst after God more than anything else.

Happiness fades. As soon as I’ve found what I think will make me happy, the feeling wears off.

I want joy. I want the kind of joy that comes from being grounded in the truth of who Jesus is and who I am in Christ. I want joy that outlasts seasons of happiness and sadness, sunshine and rain (now you’re probably humming that song from the early 90’s), bliss and pain.

I want to be able to say (and mean it) that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away and my joy is the same, regardless.

What a lost world needs to see isn’t happy Christians, but believers so full of joy that nothing and no one can touch or take away. May we be so full of the joy and love of Christ that it can’t help but spill out onto those around us who need it.

 

 

Cutting Hearts

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I spent my evening doing something that I honestly never thought I would ever do again in this lifetime. Something I hadn’t done in a very long time.

I spent it cutting out paper hearts. It was part of preparation for Vacation Bible School we’re doing down at Set Free Church, a ministry that helps homeless men find their way back and helps heal families.

Then I got to thinking. Isn’t that sort of what God is doing with my own heart?

I don’t mean that God is using literal scissors, although at times that’s what it feels like.

I mean that God is in the process of reshaping and remolding my heart into one that can He can use to reach out to the people around me.

Sometimes, that means my heart gets broken. I’ve had countless times where my love for another went unreturned. I’ve had times when a dream I cherished got dashed to pieces.

More often than not, it means a snip here and there. I lose a bit of my selfishness and make room for doing for others without expecting anything in return. I lose the need to always be acknowledged and loved and learn to love and serve those who may never be able to repay me.

Ultimately, it’s about my heart looking like God’s own heart. It’s about my heart beating with His heartbeat and feeling His feelings and loving those He loves with His own perfect love.

It’s a lifelong process that involves Him chiseling away at my hard heart while softening it at the same time.

That’s my prayer for you, too. That you would have God’s own heart beating within you to love the unloveable and reach out to the hopeless and helpless and show the world that no one is beyond the reach of God’s power to heal and change and transform.

I know, because I was one of those hopeless ones at one point. So were you.

Lost

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

“Only love has saved me now

Turned my fear to holy ground

I was lost but now am found

Only love has saved me now”

I was lost.

I was the lost sheep that the Shepherd left the other 99 to go and find. I was the one who wandered away, who thought I knew better than the very Shepherd who had led me all the way to this point. Still, He came for me.

I was the lost coin that the woman turned the house upside down to find. In my own eyes, I wasn’t worth very much but in her eyes I was worth every bit of effort it took her to find me.

I was the younger son who ran away and blew my inheritance. I wanted out and to be on my own. I was the one who finally came to his senses and made my way shamefully back home, rehearsed speech in hand, only to have my own father that I denied and disowned come running up to me and throw his arms around me and love me more than ever.

I was the older son who stayed, but rebelled in his heart. I dutifully kept the rules and thought that entitled me to something. I was so caught up in doing the right thing that I missed grace when I saw it with my own eyes.

I am found.

I am learning what it means to be valued in God’s eyes. I am finding out what it means when He calls me Beloved and tells me I was worth every bit of what He paid to win me back.

I am learning to see other people the same way. Not as those who can meet my needs and make me feel validated, but those whom God has placed alongside me for me to bless and encourage and be Jesus to every step of the way.

I once was lost but now I’m found.

Amen.

5 Minutes

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

I’ve been trying to lose weight and get in shape. Lately, that means putting in an hour on the elliptical. For me, that’s a lot.

Some mornings, I feel there’s no way I can last that long. So I try for the first 5 minutes. After that, I try for 10. And so forth. If I break an hour down into 5-minute segments, it’s not nearly so bad.

Life is like that.

Some days, you think there’s no way you can survive for the next 24-hours. You feel completely and utterly overwhelmed. Don’t try. Just take the next 5 minutes and breathe deeply and slowly and think to yourself, “I can survive the next 5 minutes.”

Sometimes, you are held captive by your fears telling you that you’ve really messed it up this time and that friend is gone for good. It’s tempting to try and fix what really isn’t broken (which never works, by the way). Or you take the next 5 minutes and are able to start seeing the cracks in the fabric of that lie.

You can do anything for 5 minutes. You can pray or be silent or wait. You can breathe slowly and deeply. You can remember one blessing God has given you and dwell on that.

When I’m stressed out and can’t sleep, 5 minutes of meditating on the goodness of God can make all the difference. It can take me from almost falling back into my old approval-addiction, “nobody likes me” trap to remembering that I am still blessed with family and friends who surprise me all the time in unexpected ways with grace at every turn.

So set your stopwatch or your phone for 5 minutes. It may be a small start, but sometimes all Jesus needs in your life is the smallest place to start. Then He can do amazing things in your life.

I am living proof of that.

 

Questions to Ponder

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I’m still thinking about Kairos Roots and some of the questions asked that night. I know with it getting up to 109 today, it’s probably still too hot to do any serious pondering, but here’s a few questions to mull over (if you still have the energy).

1) Who are you imitating? Who do you see on your television or in your social circles that you want to be like? I know a few people who have impacted me in such a way that I want to be more like them. Some are older, some are younger. The main thing for me is that I see aspects of Christ in them that I want more of in me.

2) How do you spend your time and who do you spend it with? Are the people you hang out with driving you to or away from Christ. Do they bring out the best or the worst in you? Do they bring out the Jesus in you?

3) Who do you take great pleasure and joy in? There are a few people in my life that whenever someone mentions their name, I automatically smile and my heart warms inside me. I thank God everytime their names come to mind.

4) Who are you investing in right now? Who is better off for knowing you and being around you? Are they more like Jesus from knowing you? Are they drawing closer to Christ through your influence?

5) Who is imitating you (and would you knowingly want them to imitate you)? When I say “imitate,” I mean they copy not just your best behavior when you’re really trying to impress people, but all your behavior, including what you say and how you act when life doesn’t go your way and you don’t get any breaks.

Some of the questions are more convicting than others. It’s easy to find people to imitate and who bless and encourage you, but much harder to be the kind of person you want people around you imitating. It’s not as easy to be the person who seeks to be a blessing and encourager more than seeking blessing and encouragement.

I have to remember this. Growing up is a lifelong process and if you don’t have it all down right now, you can be encouraged that at least you’re taking baby steps in the right direction. I will always be rooting for you and believing the best for you.

You can count on that.

Fountain Ramah Church

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

A friend invited me to attend services at Fountain Ramah Church. She gave me directions because she doubted that my GPS would pick it up. She was probably right.

I drove down Blue Hole Road until it dead-ended, turned left then made an immediate left onto a gravel road. The first time, all I saw was a doublewide trailer with a fence around it and a no trespassing sign. So I went all the way to the other end of Blue Hole Road, turned around and came all the way back. This time I found it.

I stepped inside to what looked like a converted garage. There were chairs for probably 60 people. There was no typical-for-Nashville worship band of professional musicians. The singer was a bit off-key at times, but it was the purest worship I’ve experienced in a long time.

The preacher spoke with a heavy dialect and was hard to understand, but I have rarely been moved by a sermon as much as I was by this one. He spoke with a passion and fervancy that ignited something in me.

At the end, he prayed over some of the members. He laid hands on them and prayed blessing and protection and healing over them.

He motioned for me to come forward. I had to look around to make sure he wasn’t pointing at someone else. He laid hands on me and prayed for me to know my purpose. He prayed that my hands would be the hands that Jesus used to touch and heal people. I was moved to tears.

He prayed for my friend who is leaving for Colombia in about 4 weeks. He prayed protection and anointing over her. It was just like when the early church commissioned Paul and Barnabas as missionaries by laying hands on them and praying for them.

It was the closest to New Testament church that I’ve ever experienced. I was so blessed and encouraged and challenged.

To my friend who invited me, thank you. Thank you not only for inviting me, but also for being my friend. When I think of all the people who have impacted my life and made me more like Jesus, you will always be near the top of the list. I count you not only as my friend and my sister in Christ, but as my hero as well. May future generations rise up and call you blessed for your faithfulness to the call of Christ on your life.

 

The Kind of Friend I Want to Be

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I get it. I’m an idealist at heart. I have good motives (most of the time), but lousy execution (some of the time). On the way home from Movies in the Park, I got to thinking again what kind of friend I want to be. I apologize in advance if some or all of this is a repeat.

I want to be that friend who never gives up on you. I want to extend forgiveness and second chances to you as many times as God did for me. Which is quite a lot, I can tell you.

I want to be that friend who believes the best in you even when you can’t see it yourself. I’ve had those friends who did that for me. I have a God who does that better than anyone else.

I want you to be better because of me. I want to do everything in my power to help you become every part of who God made you to be. I want to see you realize all of God’s dreams for you. And believe me, His dreams for you are bigger and more amazing than anything you or I could come up with.

Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I do this out of my own need. These are all things I long for in my friends, so maybe the first step is me becoming all of those things to the people I call friends.

Obviously, the most healthy relationships are built out of wholeness and completeness, not neediness. But I do think we help each other to become whole and healthy and complete by friendships based on forgiveness and unconditional sacrificial love.

If I try too hard sometimes and get a bit Steve Urkel on you, I apologize. Like I said, my good motives are sometimes executed poorly. Sometimes, I get carried away with the posts and texts and messages. But it’s from a good place of wanting to encourage and bless you, so just remind me to take a pill and give me grace, ’cause I always stand in need of it.

I’m getting better. I am learning that you can’t fill my needs and validate me as a human being. Only God can do that. Once you learn that, you are free to be the kind of friend you always wanted.

As my friend and fellow blogger always says, “You think about that.”

A Little Note for Us Co-dependents Out There

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

Hi, my name is Greg, and I’m a recovering co-dependent. Maybe you are, too. Here’s how you know you are with me in this.

Maybe you have lain awake at night like me, agonizing over how you’ve really messed up and offended a particular person. You’re positive that the relationship is ruined and that person will never ever talk to you again. The next day, that person was totally fine with you.

Maybe you’ve posted or blogged or texted and not gotten any responses or likes. Maybe you felt ignored or like what you had to say wasn’t important. Or really, deep down inside, that you weren’t important for anybody to bother with.

Maybe you’ve sat and stared at that sidebar on facebook that tells you which friends are currently on facebook and looked for a green dot beside a particular name. If you’re anything like me, you’ve wondered, “Why isn’t this person ever online when I’m online? Are they avoiding me?” while wondering what kind of medication you probably need to be taking right about now.

Maybe you thought that if anyone really knew the real you, they wouldn’t stick around. You probably have felt that eventually all your relationships will end because the other person will decide that you’re just not worth the effort anymore.

Maybe you’ve wondered why a certain person, instead of sitting next to you, chose to sit in the row behind you. Maybe you were feeling like a leper and thinking, “Am I really that much of a freak?” Even though you know that’s not true, it’s one thing to know it in your head and entirely another thing to receive it with your heart.

Maybe you overanalyze every word and action and are always on a crazy see-saw ride of “he/she really likes me” to “maybe they don’t like me anymore” to “well, I guess I blew that chance.”

Maybe you define yourself by what others tell you. Maybe you need constant affirmation and approval to feel normal. The sad part is that it’s never enough. You think if someone likes your post, “Why didn’t they comment?” or if they commented, “Well, geez. That was a bit impersonal.” It’s never enough.

Maybe you’ve been attracted to someone and killed the idea before it even had a chance. You’ve thought, “There’s no way she (or he) will ever like me as anything more than a friend” or “There’s probably a dozen or more people she (or he) would be better off with.” You read into innocent little actions as signs that the interest isn’t reciprocated.

The beautiful part is that God has already told us who we are. We are the Beloved, Sons and Daughters of the King, Wonderfully and Fearfully Made in His Image, Redeemed, Beautiful, and Exactly Who He Made Us to be.

God is pleased with you and me as we are, not as we should be or will be, because He sees Jesus in us.

Also, God puts people in our lives who love us regardless, who encourage and bless us daily, and who won’t ever walk out on us. People who give just the right words at just the right time to lift our spirits.

It’s been a long process for me, but the healing has been a beautiful thing to see. I could not have written this two years ago (and probably not even one year ago). I am amazed at what God does in a life where He’s given even the tiniest amount of room to work.

I am living proof that God can change anybody anywhere at anytime, no matter how far gone or hopeless they seem. I love the saying that what seems impossible to us isn’t even remotely difficult for God.