According to one man, the world was supposed to end today at 6 pm. It didn’t. There were no earthquakes or zombie apocalypses (I added that one). Just another day that came and is just about gone. But it got me thinking about heaven.

I like to think I get echos of heaven, hints of what’s to come. My favorite description of heaven is the one in The Last Battle by C. S. Lewis where he says that heaven is like the first day of summer when you realize the school term is over. All the hard work, all the toil has ended, and joy has come.

When I hear someone calling a name I’ve never known before, but somehow know is my new name, it’s like a glimpse of heaven.

When I feel a peace that transcends the reality I’m in, the absolute confidence that no matter how disconnected the pieces of my life seem right now, they will all one day fit together wonderfully and it will all make perfect sense, that’s a taste of heaven.

When I have a longing for a place I’ve never been, I know there’s something more.

When I have desires awakened in me that nothing earthly can satisfy, I know that this is not all there is. This life and this world as it is.

It’s the thrill of just the right song at just the right moment. It’s a good story told well that changes how I see my own story.

The best part of heaven for me is not streets of gold or harps or mansions. The best part is knowing that when Jesus comes back, everything will be as it was always meant to be.

Every broken heart will be mended, every disease healed, every wrong made right, every tear wiped away, every life made new, and every heart filled with a joy that will never end or fade, but will last and only grow stronger with age.

Best of all, Jesus will be there.

That’s what I wait and hope and long for. That’s why I write this blog. That’s why I want everybody to know this Jesus.

Not only for the here-after, but here now, where real, abundant life starts and we get echos of heaven all around us. It’s for those of us with ears to hear and eyes to see.

Jesus will come back on a day that no one has marked on a calendar or figured out in some equation. The key then is to love God and love each other and to always point to Jesus and live as if each day were the day of His return.  To live like each day were your last.

You don’t wake up the morning of the Boston Marathon and decide you want to run the 26.2 miles. You could, but I seriously doubt you’ll be very successful. Unless your idea of success is passing out at the 3 mile marker.

You don’t wake up one morning and get patience from a vending machine or through one of those On Demand channels. Patience, like any other fruit of the spirit, has to be cultivated. You start by planting a seed, watering it, nurturing it, and so on.

If you develop a passion to know God through His word, to learn to be still and hear His voice and heed what you hear, then the seed will grow. If you seek every day to let the Spirit lead, to surrender yourself to whatever God has for you that day, then the tree will grow strong. If you keep seeking God and keep loving Him and His people, even on those days when you don’t feel like it, the fruit will start to show.

Your feelings will tell you lies. What you think will mislead you. You have to keep practicing faithfulness until the feelings come around. You have to pursue these things like a man in the desert would pursue water.

I want good fruit. I want to show a life that’s been changed by Christ. I want to be so filled with His love and His life that people who see me are drawn to Him. That my life would be a written love letter from God to the hurting and hopeless and broken and outcast.

Growing fruit takes time. There are no shortcuts to spiritual maturity. But getting to know the heart of God and having your heart transformed into His are worth whatever it will cost you and the time spent is never wasted.

Socrates was a Greek philosopher whose method was to ask questions to elicit debate and conversation. Plus, he helped Bill and Ted get an A on their history project. . . oh wait, that was in a movie, not real life. My bad. Still, I’m going to try his approach out here because I have a few questions of my own.

1) Why is the 21st century American Church for the most part so far from the first century Church in terms of methodology and practice? Why do we seem to have less power and authority? I know all the authority and power is from God, but why isn’t more of it manifested in our day?

2) Why are believers so hard to distinguish from the world in ways that really matter? I know we have our Christian clothing and culture and media and slang, but why do we live just like the people we’re supposed to love and show a better way?

3) How much of what we do as the Church and as individuals  is based on the Bible and how much of it is from convenience and culture and tradition? Why do we talk about how much we really love Jesus, but so often we don’t really believe what He says or do what He commands?

4) Who will be the next “prophet” who will predict when Jesus comes back and will claim to know the exact time of His return, even though the Bible clearly states that no one knows, not even the Son of Man?

5) Will one of the signs of the apocalypse be when the Cubs finally win the World Series?

6) When will we stop talking about what’s wrong with the world and who’s causing all the problems? When will we look in the mirror and confess that the problem with the world is not out there, but staring back at us, wearing our clothes, and looking remarkably like us? When will we seek the power of God to be the change we so desparately want and need?

I honestly don’t know the answers. I know these are questions I’ve asked myself a lot lately. I hope these questions will cause you to examine your own heart and maybe stir you out of the same comfortable rut that I’ve been in. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus and to have His power flow through me to the hurting ones who need it so badly. I know you do, too.

I grew up afraid of monsters. Under the bed, in the closet, waiting to get me. Name any scary movie you’ve ever seen and you have an idea of what my monsters looked like. I later learned there was nothing to be afraid of, because monsters don’t exist.

I say now that they do. And what makes them scarier is that they look just like you and me.

To me, a monster is someone who would sell a child to do sexual acts with men. A monster is any man who would pay to have sex with a child. A monster is anyone who would fly a plane into a building. A monster is anyone who profits off the explotaition of others.

But the scariest part of all is that there’s a little bit of monster in each of us. In me and in you. Whenever we look in the mirror, if we’re brutally honest, we may not like all of what we see staring back. Like anger that tends toward rage. Lust and desire than can turn depraved at any moment. Greed that is insatiable and envy that knows no bounds.

The idea of sin and the depravity of humanity is that we are all capable of the worst sorts of thoughts and actions. Only grace keeps any of us from being another Ted Bundy or Charles Manson. Before I can condemn anyone, I have to ask myself what I would have done given the same background and similar circumstances. I don’t always like the answers I get back.

The beautiful part is that Jesus died for monsters. He died for the monster inside me and inside you. His love says there is no one too far gone, who has crossed the line and can’t be redeemed. Even Ted Bundy. His blood covers every kind of sin and His grace is deep and wide enough to cover anything.

Jesus loves monsters. Don’t get me wrong. There are consequences to our actions. Ted Bundy still had to pay for his crimes. But Grace says that you are not too ugly or depraved or scarred for the love of Jesus to reach in and capture and transform and turn into something beautiful. Anyone who repents of their sin and says a resounding YES to Jesus gets Jesus and Heaven and eternal life, at any point in their life.

So there are still monsters to be afraid of. But we know that perfect Love casts out fears. And monsters, too.

I am a fan of art. I’m not always good at being able to distiguish between what’s “good” and what’s not, but I know what I like. I particularly like Van Gogh and Monet and the one painting, Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Grand Jatte, by Georges Saurat. Love is a kind of art.

I think of human love, our love for God and for each other, as the kind of art I used to make when I was 5. Basically, it was  me taking a bunch of crayons and scribbling all over a peace of construction paper. I had no purpose or intent other than to fill the paper with crayon colors. No matter what I created, or how good or bad it was, my mom took it and put it on the fridge as a prized work of art.

I’m sure God looks at our messy love for Him and for each other and smiles. It is an imperfect love, filled with all sorts of selfishness and ulterior motives and expectations. It’s a love of “What can you do for me?” and “How can you meet my needs?” God smiles, but He also is at work purifying us and our love until it becomes something like His.

God’s love for us is like a Monet or a da Vinci. It’s a masterpiece that causes your jaw to drop when you see it and takes your breath away. It’s something that every time you look at it, you see something you didn’t see before, something new. It brings tears to your eyes and joy to your soul.

What I want ultimately is not for my love to get better, but for God’s love to take over. I want God’s perfect masterpiece love to fill me up. I want God to love others through me with that kind of love I couldn’t even come close to on my own. That means there’s a lot of stuff inside me that has to go. A lot inside me that has to die.

It’s amazing to me to think that God can love the world and yet love me and you like we were the only ones. I am silenced when I think of what that love cost Him in tears, sweat, blood, and His life. And how willingly and freely He sacrificed to show me that love.

That’s real love. More than any of the top ten romantic movies or stories or songs or poems. This one– God’s own love for us– tops all the rest by far. That’s the kind of love I want. That’s what I need. That’s my food and drink, my oxygen, my everything.

Thank You, God, for that Love that won’t let go or give up or quit until the beloved is just like the Lover.

I don’t know a lot and I’m confused about a lot. There’s a lot that I used to think I knew for certain that I’m not certain about. But I do know this.

I was blind, but now I see.

I may not be able to prove the existence of God or demonstrate scientifically the validity of the resurrection, but I can say this for certain.

I was blind, but now I see.

If I could summarize my faith in one statement, it would be the same as the man born blind whom Jesus healed. When the religious leaders asked what happened to him, he said this:

“All I know is that I was blind, but now I see.”

Thank You, Jesus. You’re more than enough for me. I can see that now.

I have my own to-do list, but it’s all fun stuff. Not as grandiose as a bucket list, but still some things I’d like to do.

1) I want to go see Soul Sufer. Every time so far I’ve tried to see it, it’s been sold out. Hopefully, the third time’s a charm.

2) I want to see Needtobreathe in concert. I’m tired of finding out after the fact how incredible they were and what a fantastic concert they put on. I want to be there in the crowd finding out for myself.

3) Give myself a little more grace. I need to let up on myself and learn to forgive myself for failing. I need to learn to relax the standards I’ve set up for myself and be okay with the fact that I’m not where I’m supposed to be, according to some artificial and subjective standard. I’m where God wants me to be.

4) I want to go to a drive-in movie again. I mean, why not? It’s summer and the weather will be great up until July, when it will be hotter than a furnace fan and I will be sweating like the pig that knows he’s dinner.

5) I want to take more risks and not play it safe and automatically concede defeat before I even begin.

6) I want to read my Bible more and pray more, not because I have to, but because I get to. Not out of guilt or a sense of obligation, but because it’s life and bread and water and joy and the very air I breathe.

7) I want to share my faith with at least one person, regardless of whether they accept or reject what I have to say. I want to be obedient in that area of my life again.

8) I want this blog to have 300 words. Oh wait. That’s done. Good job, me!

I just finished Rob Bell’s new book, that highly controversial one, called Love Wins. This is the part where I’m probably supposed to rip the guy a new one, and call him a heretic and a blasphemer and a false teacher and all that. That he’s headed straight for hell. That’s not what this blog is about.

Sure, his book is full of errors and misconceptions about God’s love. He has certainly strayed far from the faith of the apostles. But more than anything, I came away from the book feeling frustrated. He never really definitively states his position about heaven or hell or salvation or anything. He asks a lot of questions but fails to give real answers. That more than anything is what I found disappointing.

I am also challenged and sobered in regard to my own faith. There’s no guarantee that I can coast through life and maintain my beliefs. There’s no sure bet that I am safe from any kind of theological error if I am passive about my faith.

We as fallen human beings don’t naturally drift toward discipline and purity of heart and sound doctrine. If anything, we drift away from these things. That’s why the Bible calls us to work out (and not for) our salvation and to make sure our calling. It calls us to not accept what we hear from anyone, but test the spirits and see if these things are so, like the Bereans did in Acts.

It would be very easy to bash Rob Bell and throw him under the bus. But it’s harder to admit that tendancy toward error is in me, too. It’s scary to think that apart from the grace of God, there’s nothing I’m not capable of doing or saying or believing.

The best cure against heresy and error is to live the truth in such a way that it makes God look as big and great as He is. Not small through hate and meanness and one-upsmanship. But big enough to disagree with someone and still love them, to still pray for someone whose beliefs aren’t biblical.

So the takeaway is to guard your heart and make sure you know what God actually says by living and breathing and eating and drinking His Word. Add a dash (or a more likely a heaping helping) of humility and grace and prayer. Then embrace all of the truth of God, not just what is socially palatable or easy to digest, but all of it. And most of all, learn to love well, because in the end love does actually win.

What is freedom? True freedom?

Is it doing whatever you want whenever you want?

Is it not being bound by any rules or authority?

Is it going out on the town and staying up until 3 am every night or getting drunk or high every night?

Is it living out of control with no plan or thought for the future?

Is it saying to yourself, “I’m under grace, so I can do anything– even sin– and ask for forgiveness in the morning?”

Is that really freedom?

Or is freedom being free to be exactly who God made you to be and discover what He made you for?

Is it freedom from anybody ever hanging any guilt trip over your head ever again?

Is it living with no regrets in a second innocence where you have no more reason for shame?

Is it knowing that your own life is not really yours, but that you belong to Another who has great plans for you and a greater purpose for you to be involved in? That in every moment you are securely and safely in His everlasting arms?

Which sounds better to you? The first kind of freedom with no rules, no purpose, and no meaning, or the second kind where your freedom is being a part of God’s campaign to set things right and set others free?

Am I asking too many questions? Have I been reading too much of Rob Bell lately? When will this blog ever end? Can I go to bed now?

The answers to the last four questions are: Yes. Yes. Soon. Yes.

May you find true freedom in the Jesus Who came to proclaim the Year of the Lord and to set His captives (including you and me) free. And last of all, don’t you hate it when a blog ends with a question?

Lord, you have seen me halfway through the week. You’ve seen me when I was just about ready to quit and give up and You’ve seen me when I was riding the heights. In all the flux of my emotions, You have been the only constant.

Help me to not look at the problems, but to see You in the midst of them.

Help me not to trust myself when I’m feeling good and the world seems doable. Help me to trust You always, in the good and bad.

Lord, I am taking this life one day at a time. I am like everybody else and I tend to forget You and Your goodness. I tend to delude myself into thinking it is all up to me.

Remind me of Who You are daily. Remind me of my need for You. Remind me of how strong You are to save and how gentle You are to hold me when I’m at my weakest.

Most of all, remind me that the best is still yet to come. Remind me that eye has not seen nor ear heard nor has it entered into the heart of man what You have prepared for those who love You. That’s what I wait and hope for.

I wait and hope for You, for You are what my heart desires at the deepest level, even though what I may think and feel would tell me otherwise.

Let me rest in Your promises and seek to prepare myself to receive them.

Last, be with all my family and friends and remind them, too, of Your mighty arms wrapped around each of us. May we shine like lights in dark places and lead people to You. Not only in the dramatic moments, but in the quiet, mundane moments, too. That’s when people are watching.

Thank You that You won’t stop until You’ve given and done everything You’ve promised. Thank You that You Yourself are the Promise that You give to us.

Amen.