relationships

The So-Called Greener Pasture

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life” (1 Corinthians 7:17a).

The media tells you that you can’t be satisfied where you are. Our entire economy is based on the idea that for you to be completely satisfied, you just need a new car or a new house or a new 100-inch 3D plasma TV.

So many single people are so pre-occupied with getting married that they lose the beauty of being single. Some will get married to the first person who shows interest back and find out the hard way that being alone in a bad marriage is worse than being alone and single.

Even married people are tempted daily that what they have isn’t enough. There are myriad oppurtinities for you to find comfort and solace in someone who is not your spouse. No one starts out looking to wreck his or her marriage with an affair. It starts innocently enough with confiding in that co-worker and opening up emotionally to the friend of your spouse.

We miss so much of our lives waiting on the next big event. For single people, it’s marriage. For married people, it’s having children. For married people with children, it’s having the kids grow up and leave the house so they can go back to the way it was when they were first married.

Only you can’t ever go back. You can’t live in the future. The only life you have is now in the present and if you are so focused on what comes next, you will miss what God has for you right now.

God is outside of time and in every moment of your life. But He is only speaking to you in the present. You can only commune with Him in the now. If your mind is envisioning possible futures and rehearsing future conversations and imagining what 5 years from now will bring, you will miss the precious word that God is speaking to you right now.

The best place you can be is where you are right now. Where God has you is the perfect place for you to learn and grow and become the person who is ready for what God has for you in the future.

That’s where I want to be. I hope and pray that’s where you want to be, too.

So take a deep breath. Look around and smell some roses. Enjoy where you are. If it’s a difficult season of life, look for the proverbial silver lining.

The best thing you will find is God there, ready to speak a word into your soul that will change everything about the way you see yourself and your situation.

All that greener pasture? It’s not so green when you get there.

Singleness of Purpose and Action: A Confession

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

It’s time for another one of my soul-cleansing confession blogs where I ‘fess up to messing up. Better that than me eventually winding up on Jerry Springer right after the gay, cross-dressing nympho Quakers. That would be awkward.

Lord, I confess that I’ve spent way too much time and energy striving to be noticed and liked and appreciated. I haven’t spent nearly as much time trying to be faithful and righteous and God-honoring.

I confess that I’ve attempted to impress others with my Bible knowledge, yet I’ve hardly picked up my Bible except to parade it around so that others think of me as oh-so-very-super-spiritual.

I confess that I’ve been trying to knock down the doors that You closed on me for a very good reason. I’ve been fighting You for something I don’t really want rather than taking what You give that I need (to borrow from the great theologian Rich Mullins).

I confess that You’ve become a means to my own ends instead of my Ultimate End and Joy.

I confess that I’ve trusted in what I think and what I feel instead of trusting in what I know to be true of You and Who You have proved Yourself to be to me over and over. I’ve listened to my fears way too many times instead of waiting for the Still Small Voice that says good things about me and speaks peace into my chaos.

I confess that I have put myself in the spotlight that only You deserve and my goal has been for others to make much of me instead of making much of You.

I confess that I am weary from chasing rabbit-holes and dead end paths and roads that go nowhere but lead back to themselves. I confess that I have lost my first Love.

Help me to hunger and thirst for Your Word more than any meal and to seek You with all my heart and soul and strength and mind.

Help me to have a singleness of purpose and of action so that people see in me what it looks like to truly honor God and they find out the greatness of this God and are drawn not to me, but to Him.

Chances are, this is your prayer, too. Chances are you’ve fallen into the same trap of self-worship that I have. I hope you know that you’re not the only one who struggles with this from time to time.

My hope is that we can encourage each other to follow hard after Jesus and to seek purity of heart in everything we say and do.

Amen.

The Titanic Mistake

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

What makes the Titanic disaster so tragic is that it was all so very avoidable. It’s very easy for me to sit back as I watch the movie based on the actual events and look on in disbelief at how so many were convinced of the invincibility of the ship Titanic. As one said, “Not even God could sink her.”

It’s easy to be outraged at the lack of preparedness in the event of an emergency, to think that they only had lifeboats enough for half the ship’s passengers. 1,517 people lost their lives that day, mostly due to negligence and poor planning.

It would be so very easy for me to sit in judgment and look down on those who could have and should have done better. But it wouldn’t be honest.

How many times have I felt invincible and trusted in the security of my surroundings? How many times have I clung to relationships or possessions or titles like they were life-preservers?

Inevitably, both you and I will have times in our lives when we find out our own invincibility is a myth and those relationships and things can’t save us. Whether it’s tragedy or just an epiphany that sobers us to our own mortality and dependence on God, we all have to face the music that we can’t save ourselves.

One of my favorite verses says it best.

“But now, God’s Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
   the One who got you started, Israel:
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
   I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
   When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
   it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
   The Holy of Israel, your Savior” (Isaiah 43:1-3).

Only one Love is strong enough to save us. Only one God is strong enough to hold us together when we feel we’re falling apart. That God has revealed Himself in Jesus and invites you to place your security in Him.

Will you?

Teachability, Vulnerability, and Constructive Criticism

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

I hate public speaking. Whenever I had to do any kind of a presentation in class, I got the sweaty palms, mysterious flu-like symptoms (so I could get out of having to speak in public), and a strong desire to be a desert monk who has taken a vow of silence.

Most people are with me on this. I think people are more afraid of speaking in public than they are of dying. I know this to be true, because I found it on the internet, which is the bastion of all things credible and trustworthy. Especially Wikipedia.

I also hate giving criticism. I am a people-pleaser, so I hate to do or say anything at all that might cause tension in the relationship. In the past, my way of giving criticism was easy– avoid it like the bubonic plague.

But I’ve been thinking lately. If there was a way I could be better at something, I would want someone to show me. If I could improve in an area of my life, I would love for someone to tell me.

Criticism isn’t telling someone how bad they are. It’s telling them how they could be better. It’s not “Hey, your feet smell and you are a lousy, no-good blah blah blah,” but “Hey, I notice that you are really making an effort and doing a good job. Here’s a better way you could do this one particular thing. . . . ”

The Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. If it’s not truth, we’re enabling their mistakes and bad behavior. If it’s not spoken in love, then it’s condemnation and more likely to do more harm than good.

The best way to address a problem I see in someone else is to fix it in me. After all, we tend to project our faults onto other people and notice more readily in them the same weaknesses we struggle with (that’s my Union University degree paying off).

Actions speak louder than words, so the best way to change someone else is to tell that person how they are wrong, but to live out the right way. That person may not listen to you and may cut you off in mid-sentence, but you can show them the better way by listening to what they have to say.

The best way of all is to strive to be more like Jesus. If the people in our lives see us living out our beliefs in humility, authenticity, and transparency, they are more likely to listen to what we have to say. As I heard it put, preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.

Your New Name: A Good Reminder from Kairos

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 4 Comments

In Revelation, Jesus promises that if you hold on to the end, you will be given a white stone with a new name that only you and Jesus know. That will be the name that trumps all the other names you have been given. That name will be your destiny.

What do you call yourself? In those moments when you screw up and make a mess of things, what name do you give yourself? Is it Stupid or Idiot, or one of those names that’s so bad you can’t even say it out loud when you’re alone?

What do other people call you? Are you Lazy or Slow or Hopeless? Do you carry those names around with you like a tattoo ingrained in your brain and you have come to see yourself by those names?

Jesus has come to give you a new name: Beloved.

Where you were once a Failure, you are now Redeemed.

Where once you were a Stranger, now you are Family.

Where once you were an Enemy, now you are a Son or Daughter of God.

Where you were Without Hope, now you are a Child of the Promise.

Where once you were Lost, now and forever you are Found.

Keep these names in your mind. Let them define you and your future. Because these, and not the other names, are who you are from now on.

I am the Beloved of my Abba, and He is very fond of me. So are you.

Ain’t it great?

Gone With the Wind: Some Observations on a Classic

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / Leave a comment

For starters, I was at the Franklin Theatre to see Gone With the Wind, date-less and under no duress. I was probably the only single dude in attendance. And I was in the front row. We’ll save the discussion on how sad that is for a later blog . . . maybe.

Gone With the Wind is a classic for a reason. It has everything: intense drama, epic romance, witty comedy, heart-rending tragedy, and just plain good ol’ story-telling. Sure, it shows its age a bit. It is not the most politically correct movie with its depiction of the happy slave mentality, among other things.

Both Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler are fairly selfish characters throughout. Rhett is honest enough to admit it, but Scarlett spends most of the movie manipulating others for her own ends without ever so much as acknowledging it. At least at the end, she has a change of heart (or so I’d like to think).

Melanie Wilkes is the true north of the movie. She is the only one that circumstances can’t change. At heart, she is a fundamentally kind person from start to finish. She’s the one all the rest turn to in times of trouble and tragedy. She always knows what to say.

I love the fact that she always thinks the best of others. She gives Scarlett the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’s a little naive, but I’d rather chalk it up to grace instead.

The world looks at kindness and calls it weakness. To be meek is to be a pushover in their eyes. But I believe kindness and meekness are true strength, power under control and directed at a better purpose. When you find real kindness in someone, you are drawn to that and you remember that person and their kindness shown to you and you are never the same. You want to pay it forward.

There’s a quote I’ve posted before about that goes along these lines: to be yourself, your true self, when everything around you is trying to force you to be something other, is the most courageous thing you can do. To keep being you when a thousand voices are screaming at you to be like them or to be stronger, prettier, thinner, richer, more popular, or more powerful takes strength. The kind of strength that Melanie Wilkes had.

Yes, I really liked the movie. All 4 hours of it. I will probably see it again in the future, as I own it on blu ray (nerd alert). I love the cinematography, especially the sunset shots. The acting is spot-on and the story is compelling.

I give it two thumbs up and recommend it highly. That’s my lame ending to this blog, because I’m too tired to think of anything witty or clever to end on. Other than I hope you have a good night and may you have eyes to see all the kindness of God lavished on you in the days to come.

Thank you and good night.

For When You Can’t Sleep

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 5 Comments

Right now, it’s 12:49 am and I’m not even close to being sleepy. Maybe it’s the chicken sandwich I had from Sam’s today (which was great) or maybe the caffeine.

I think it’s just thoughts that won’t lie down and rest until I get them written down.

I think I have to let a dream die.

It was a longshot to begin with and I thought I had already let it go, but now I really am saying goodbye.

I think I always knew that the person I was interested in wasn’t interested in me the same way. At least 99% of me did.

But that 1% kept hanging aroud, hoping against hope, looking for some kind of sign where there were none to be found.

So now I’m officially 100% sure. And I am glad we’re friends. Honestly, that’s enough.

Still, letting that dream die, knowing the finality of it all, is still hard.

God, help me always to guard my heart and to know that all my times are in Your hands.

I trust that You still work all things together for good for those who love You.

Now I think I’ll go and try that whole sleep thing again.

 

Revisiting Forgiveness

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasinly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family” (Henri J.M. Nouwen).

When you don’t forgive and hold on to bitterness and anger, it’s like you’re drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Whoever hurt you may be completely unaware that they did anything and living in blissful ignorance while you’re still stuck in the moment of your hurt.

When you forgive, you open wide the doors to the prison cell only to discover that you were the one being held prisoner all that time by the past and by the pain you held on to for so long. The shackles you unlock were your own, the chain you forged in life while you nursed the anger and bitterness and were held captive by your hurt.

Forgiveness is where you realize that the wrong done to you pales in comparison to the wrongs you did to God, and the debt owed to you is like pennies in comparison to the millions you owed. You could never have hoped to even begin to pay for the debts your sin incurred, yet God freely and completely forgave you. How can you not forgive someone else who has wronged you?

Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it’s humanly impossible. Only a heart regenerated and transformed by Jesus can forgive. Only those who have experienced the amazing unmerited grace of Jesus can extend it to those who don’t deserve it. Only those who have been forgiven can forgive.

But if you call Jesus not only Savior, but Lord, forgiveness isn’t an option. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors.” In the parable of the ungrateful slave, Jesus points out that we get forgiveness only as much as we are willing to give it.

Learning to forgive is a lifelong process that we never really master. Some things and some people take longer to forgive because the hurt runs deeper and the scars are more fresh. But if you have been truly forgiven, then you will seek to forgive others. Sometimes, the hardest person you will have to learn to forgive is yourself.

Lord, give us each day more and more of Your heart that loves the unloveable and extends grace to those who need it most but deserve it least. Help us to forgive.

Trust

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 4 Comments

Trust is so easy to talk about, but not as easy to live out, particularly in the arena of faith.

I pay all sorts of lip service and sing about how much I trust Jesus, but in the moments when I can’t see my way, that trust is hard to find.

It’s in those moments when friends seem most distant and my dreams seem unreachable that I find out how much I trust and in what or whom my trust is placed.

If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that God is trustworthy. God alone is trustworthy. If I put my trust in those around me, they will let me down. If I put my trust in an expected outcome, it either won’t come to pass or I will get what I sought after only to find it wasn’t what I really wanted after all.

Jesus alone has been worthy of my trust and proved Himself to me over and over. He has a history of coming through for me in just the right moment, when I needed Him most but often expected Him the least.

So I ask you? Do you trust Jesus? Do you trust Him in the dark as well as in the light? Do you trust Him when everything in you is telling you not to?

Maybe you think you can’t. Maybe you can’t find it in you right now.

Maybe the only thing you can do is simply say the words, “Jesus, I trust you with my life.”

They might sound phony in your own ears and you might not feel any differently. Keep saying those words over and over. Make them the mantra of your heart.

If you don’t have the whole faith thing figured out, neither do I. We mess up more often than not in this walk toward maturity in Christ and often turn to anything and everything but Jesus in our neverending search for meaning and significance and fulfillment.

I may not always trust what I see and feel. I may not trust in my own abilities or in the way I’m going. But I can most assuredly trust in the One who is leading and know that He will never lead me astray.

So can you.

 

Still Thankful for Grace

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

On the days when I’m feeling spiritually strong and I am seeking God with all my being, I need grace.

On the days when I barely make it out of bed before I fall into temptation and the rest of the day is spent digging out of one trap after the next, I need grace.

On the days when I hear God speaking to me though His word and I feel my purpose more clearly, I need grace.

On the days when I read a bunch of words that I forget the moment I put my Bible down, when I feel like my existance is pointless and futile, I need grace.

When I’m asking for forgiveness for something I’ve already done, or worse yet, something I’m about to do, I need grace.

No matter how faithful or faithless I’ve been in the last 24 hours, I still need grace.

I will need grace to sustain me and save me every single day for the rest of my life.

The more I see my need for grace, the more thankful I am for it and the more willing I am to extend it to others around me who need it as much as I do. The more I see that I just can’t do it alone and that I need brothers and sisters who will walk beside me and encourage, challenged, rebuke, and spur me on to continue in the faith.

May you see your need of grace all the more each day and come to be thankful that where you are weak, His grace is still very much sufficient. May you see that at the end of the day, all that you can say that got you through will have been grace and only grace. May you not only reach out to take it, but also to extend it to those around you who certainly don’t deserve it, but need it just the same.

Kinda like you and me.