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Things I Love 18: I’m Not Eighteen Nor Am I Alice Cooper

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

island hammock

I’m sitting all alone on a Saturday night (through nobody’s fault but my own). It’s not so bad. It’s good to be alone every once in a while instead of always needing to be around people and events. I’m not saying I want every Saturday to be like this, but one in a blue moon is good for me. It might even help this blog. So, starting at #446, I continue:

446) The new family tradition of the water balloon toss where none of us really know the rules and none of us are really any good but all of us have a grand time anyway.

447) The thought that when I get turned down romantically that she’s the one ultimately missing out and not me (insert smiley face here).

448) Discovering an old band like The Cardigans and realizing they had so many great songs other than their one-hit wonder song.

449) That I’m not in control and I don’t want to be in control. God is more than capable without my help or expertise.

450) God allowing me to wake up this morning.

451) Being 41 when so many family members and classmates and friends won’t ever get to see that age.

452) That I may actually finish this book I’ve been raving about for weeks (but not really reading) called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

453) With God, I’ve learned to never say never to anything because God is the ultimate Master of Surprise in relationships, careers, or anything else you can think of.

454) Both cats and dogs (and who says that I should have to choose one or the other?)

455) Having 411 songs on my iPhone and a freakish amount of variety that I can carry around in my pocket.

456) That your smart phone has way more capacity and memory than the computers at Apollo during all those space missions during the 60’s and 70’s.

457) Getting hand-written notes.

458) My lava lamp that I got from Spencer’s on sale for $10.

459) Jesus loves me where I am but refuses to leave me there.

460) Finding deals at Goodwill like my $7 red suitcase.

461) Old-school country music like Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash.

462) Living in Nashville.

463) That my movie tastes include movies like Bridget Jones’s Diary.

464) Seeing the movie Grease in an actual movie theatre (but not when it first came out ’cause I was a bit too young for it then).

465) Going to McCreary’s Irish Pub and knowing just about everyone who works there and them knowing me by name.

466) Going in to Target for one thing and coming out with everything but that one thing I went in there for.

467) Nerding out at McKay’s Used Bookstore (which also has DVDs, blu rays, records, books, and anything to satisfy my inner geek).

468) Shopping and eating local whenever I can to support the community.

469) Being an Independent and not drinking either the Republican or Democratic kool-aid.

470) That both Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi get on my last nerve.

471) My collection of old transistor radios (which I am happily accepting donations for).

472) That as of this writing there are only 178 days , 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 7 seconds left until Christmas. Not that I’m counting.

473) Being able to google anything to make myself seem a whole lot smarter and hipper than I really am.

474) That death, hell, and the grave do not have the last word. Jesus does.

475) Finally beating a level on Candy Crush saga.

476) That my 70+ suntan spray will probably keep me safe in the event of a nuclear holocaust with only minor sunburn.

477) My old 1828 Bible that is still in very good condition.

478) Only 532 more to go (and I didn’t even need a calculator to figure that out!)

479) Realizing that forgiveness is never earned or deserved but is purely and simply grace lived out.

480) Having the very best sister in the whole wide world (and no, that is not up for debate or just my opinion, it is a fact).

Things I Love 12: Tested And Approved by Lucy The Wonder Kitty

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

island hammock

Lucy is in my lap, approving  whatever I type. Of course, she can’t read, but if she could, she would add her own comments (most of which would not be fit to print in a family-style blog such as this one). So I’ll take her silence as either approval or extreme sleepiness.

The list commences with #264 (I think).

264) Ice-cold water to quench my thirst on a humid summer day.

265) A long walk alone under a full moon at night (as opposed to all those moonlit walks during the day).

266) That I’m finally at a place where I’m comfortable alone or in a crowd.

267) Planned spontaneity.

268) That I’ve come to the place where if I never see a certain person ever again (and at the moment it appears very likely to be the case), that I will be glad for the friendship; I will miss her, but my life will go on.

269) Those quiet moments of peace where God speaks into my silence.

270) That with God, every day is a day to look forward to.

271) Reading collects out of The Book of Common Prayer and seeing my own prayers expressed better than I could ever put them.

272) That this blog site has spell-check so that I can appear smarter than I really am, i.e. that I can actually spell.

273) That I really don’t have to be friends with everyone or have everyone like me to be content.

274) That everything will be fine in the end, and if it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

275) Good lines from good movies (like the one I just referenced earlier).

276) Chocolate bars with bacon in them (it sounds gross, but tastes divine).

277) All of my quirks

278) That I have to show my driver’s license to prove that I really am the age I say I am.

279) That even though Jon Acuff might have more readers for one blog than I’ve had for all my 1,000+ blogs combined, that I have touched and impacted lives that wouldn’t have been touched and impacted had I chosen not to write a blog.

280) That I can use bad grammar, and bad punctuation, in my blogs, if I so, choose.

281) Those rare times when the Church is known for what it’s for rather than what it’s against.

282) That I can learn something from anybody, no matter what their philosophical, theological, political or social beliefs and regardless of whether or not they have the same worldview as mine.

283) That hamburger from The Pharmacy with bacon, ham, and a fried egg (10,000 calories of deliciousness!)

284) That the last spoken words from Jesus in the Bible aren’t a condemnation but an invitation.

285) When I talk into a box fan and make my voice sound like a robot.

286) That being grown-up doesn’t always mean having to be mature all the time.

287) That the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

288) The way my cat Lucy hovers when she goes to the bathroom.

289) Not knowing all the answers (or even all of the questions).

290) A perfectly made and perfectly thrown paper airplane.

291) That I saw the actual Batmobile from the campy 60’s TV show tonight in downtown Franklin

292) That this list will continue– maybe tomorrow, maybe not. You’ll just have to tune in tomorrow to find out. Same bat time, same bat channel.

Things I Love 8: Greg’s Sanity Has Left the Building

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island hammock

FYI: these blogs will continue until I get to 1,000 things I love. It’s from the book, One Thousand Gifts, so I’m trying to list out– wait for it– 1,000 little things that I believe are God’s gifts to me and daily reminders that stir me to gratitude and thanksgiving as a lifestyle. Plus, I don’t have to worry about what I will be blogging on until at least July of 2014. Just kidding. Sort of.

Ok. Here goes the list, starting at #168. Drum roll, please.

168) Looking through old photo albums and reliving those old memories and remembering people who’ve been gone from my life for a while (and thinking they’re looking down from heaven and smiling at those photos, too).

169) My extremely loud Hawaiian shirt, which one random teenager called “sick.” I guess that’s a compliment. I’m not really sure.

170) Everything related to either Narnia and Wardrobes or Middle Earth and Hobbits.

171) Surprise birthday parties (hint, hint, subtle subliminal suggestion. . . cough).

172) Celebrating Easter and remembering that the Resurrection changed EVERYTHING. Including me.

173) That Jesus would have chosen the nails and the cross and the agony if only for me alone.

174) By Jesus loving me unconditionally and prodigally, he made me loveable.

175) Silent movies.

176) Box hockey (and the fact that I know what box hockey is).

177) All my high school reunions where I see old friends and get to catch up after 10 (or 20) years apart.

178) That I get to be a small part of Kairos, a worship gathering for young adults, every week and I see God at work there every single week.

179) Being content in my relationships and not obsessively wondering where they might or might not be headed,

180) Knowing that if the absolute worst case scenario should happen, I would still be loved by Jesus and God would still work even that out for my good and his glory.

181) How randomly my brain works these days.

182) The vast array of autumn colors from the leaves changing and falling.

183) Doing small random acts of kindness for people when they least expect it.

184) Any positive news stories (because they are sadly the exception and not the rule).

185) That I’m down to 715 more things to be thankful for.

186) Now it’s only 714.

187) That I’m not what everyone else thinks I am or even what I think of myself, but only what Jesus says I am– Chosen, Redeemed, Beloved, Child of God, Forgiven, Free, etc.

188) That Jesus won’t ever stop reminding me of my true identity and sending friends who will help me remember the song in my heart when I forget the words.

189) Lightning bugs at night in an open field.

190) Cheese grits made just right.

191) That I probably have at least 32 more of these blogs a-comin’ your way. But not in a row.

My Ideal Idea

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

This is my fantasy that has nothing whatsoever to do with reality, so indulge me. I’d love to live in downtown Franklin. I realize that the monthly rent on one of the apartments on Main Street is more than my car is worth and the houses are probably in the 7-figure range, but one can dream, right?

I’d be able to take a late night stroll down Main Street whenever I felt like it. I wouldn’t have to worry about fighting the nightmarish traffic during one of the festivals, ’cause I’d already be there. I’d just have to walk down a flight of stairs or out my front door.

By the way, this fantasy involves me coming into a large sum of money via either the lottery or some distant rich relative who dies and leaves all his vast wealth to me. While we’re talking realistically, that is.

There’s a stone house with a red door that I could see myself living in if the apartment thing doesn’t work out. It looks quaint and cozy and should probably come with a lifetime supply of earl gray tea and fuzzy bunny slippers.

And if this dream does happen to come true, you are all invited to visit me in my new setting. Just not all at the same time because of limited parking.

PS I am accepting donations toward making this dream come true. You can give cash or checks, but no credit cards (at least not yet). Your gifts will be greatly appreciated and you will get first dibs on visiting me in my new pad.

 

Tacky Christmas Sweater Update

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bridget jones christmas sweater

I just wanted to update you on my quest for the perfectly tacky Christmas sweater. I got nothin’.

I’ve been frequenting the Goodwills and other thrift stores in the 15-mile radius and haven’t seen anything that meets my exacting standards. Not even close.

I found a really awesome one on ebay (the one pictured in my last blog about Christmas sweaters), but it was selling for somewhere in the neighborhood of $90, which is entirely too much to spend on something that I might wear once or twice a year.

In my mind, I was going to walk into Goodwill and there it would be, standing out with a mysterious spotlight shining on it. Kinda like the Christmas tree in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It was going to be my size and it was going to be ridiculously cheap.

Unfortunately, hardly anything ever works out in reality like it does in my imaginings. So here I am, Christmas sweater-less and getting more and more desperate.

Here’s my plea to you, gentle readers. If you have a tacky Christmas sweater you’re willing to part with, let me know. I can make arrangements and give you details (like where to send said holiday apparel) and even work out some sort of bartering system.

I know I can count on you. But just in case this falls through, I have a back-up plan. Technically, it’s not a sweater, but it captures the essence of the whole tacky Christmas sweater spirit. And it came from Target for the very reasonable price of $5.

yoda elf

Why I Am Not a Professional Card Player

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I have finally come to the realization. I will never be one of those guys on ESPN making the big bucks playing poker. I will retain my amateur status as a nertz card game player.

What is nertz? Suffice to say that it is an insanely fast card game that requires fast reflexes. And a bit of a killer instinct. Both of which are sadly lacking in my case.

Tonight, I finished in 4th place. Out of 4 players. I don’t think even cheating would have helped me in this game. There were times when I ended up with more cards than I started out with, even though I’m sure that’s mathematically impossible.

Too bad there’s not professional freecell. I’m much better at that game, mostly because I’m the only one playing and it requires no dexterity or quick thinking or killer instinct.

Maybe if I started snacking on Ruffles potato chips with ranch dip, I’d do better. On second thought . . . . nah.

 

An Ode to the Last Twinkie on Earth

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

If you skim the headlines, you may get the impression that the twinkie, that perfect little concoction from Hostess with no actual food ingredients, is going away forever. You might be one of those who are hoarding up on the tasty little snacks in anticipation of the demise of Hostess and the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

I myself bought two boxes.

But before you give in to despair, read a little closer. Twinkies aren’t going away. In all likelihood, some other company will buy the rights to the brand and start making their own twinkies. And they will be just as bad for you and just as loaded with preservatives and ingredients that you can’t possibly pronounce as the current incarnation. And they will be just as tasty.

If, God forbid, twinkies should cease to exist, then the unthinkable might actually happen. No, I don’t mean an invasion by zombies or a crisis of cataclysmic and global proportions. I mean you and I might just have to start eating healthy. Egads.

Wanted: One Tacky Christmas Sweater

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

This is a bit of a departure for me. Normally, I write about deep spiritual matters or frivolous feline facts. I write about good books that I have read or good movies that I’ve seen. But not now.

I come to you, my good readers, with a request. I am in need of one tacky Christmas sweater, pronto. I cannot emphasize enough the tacky part. It needs to be TACKY.

LOUD colors would be a plus. Also, any kind of bells or lights or anything that makes festive noises or is just obnoxiously cheerful. It must be a size Large and I prefer if it’s a men’s sweater.

If you need help visualizing what I’m looking for, check out the picture I’ve inserted at the top of this blog. When I wear this bad boy, I want to be seen from a mile away and I want there to be no mistake about what kind of tacky sweater I’m wearing. Although I’m fairly certain there are no tacky sweaters for the other major holidays.

There is no redeeming spiritual or intellectual value to this blog. It’s kinda like verbal cotton candy. Every now and then, you need cotton candy to make you feel better, even though it has no actual food ingredients that I’m aware of.

Donations are also welcome. I take American Express, Visa, Mastercard, cash, checks, or any other kind of legal tender (except for Confederate or Canadian money).

That is all. Carry on about your normal Saturday business as usual.

And this blog will self-destruct in 5 seconds (just kidding).

PS The world won’t cease to exist if I don’t get my tacky Christmas sweater, but if you have one or know of one, let me know. Contact me at GMendel72@united.net for further instructions.

PPS Thanks in advance.

 

Updates on Lucy

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Lucy is my cat. Or I guess it’s more fitting to say that I’m her person.

Either way, she will turn 13 next year, which makes her a teenager.

She’s already got that part down. She never listens to me when I talk to her and most of the time when I try to tell her anything, she just looks at me like, “Dude, whatever,” and walks off.

At least she’s not turning 16 yet. When that does happen, drivers of the world, beware.

 

Cat Naps

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I don’t know where they came up with the term “cat nap,” because it certainly doesn’t apply to Lucy the Wonder Kitty. Lemme explain.

Cat naps are supposed to be short yet invigorating naps, usually lasting from 15-30 minutes. Maybe up to an hour. I’m not sure on the technicalities.

The point is that Lucy takes marathon naps. Like as in if napping were an Olympic sport, she’d be a multiple gold medal winner every four years. She has taken the nap to a new level.

Her usual day is one long nap interrupted by getting up to eat or use the litterbox. She has about 15 or so minutes of exercise and probably an hour’s worth of contemplating the mysteries of the universe (and telling no one). The rest of the time is strictly devoted to kitty dreams, probably which involve her getting to boss me around for a change.

She does like to vary it up a little bit. I like to tell people that she sleeps around. Literally. She takes naps in different places, depending on her mood and easy access. And most of all, comfort.

I suppose when you’re whatever the human equivalent of 12 cat years is, you can sleep that much, too.