prayer

Turning 40: A Retrospective Look at My Past

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According to my iffy math skills, I have 49 more days left of my 30’s. Then I turn the dreaded 4-0. But according to Facebook, I have nothing to worry about. I’m supposed to die when I’m rollerblading at 95 and get hit by a car, based on the wisdom of a facebook application I used once. Apparently, my roller blading braking skills will still be non-existent 46 years later.

When I was in my 20’s, I knew a lot more than I do now. At least I thought I did. At that age, it’s very easy to confuse knowledge with wisdom. It’s very easy to have a faith that’s either all head-knowledge or almost solely emotion-based. But I digress. I had very definite ideas about theology and doctrine and dating (even though I didn’t date, which is probably why I was against it).

In my 30’s, I found out I knew less that I thought I did and was certain about even less. My black and white world suddenly had room for some gray areas. I still held to the essential basics of the faith, but I was able to live and let live over disagreements and not feel the need to win every argument or prove my side every time.

Now, I see more than ever my great need for God. I see more than ever what I would be like apart from the grace of God and what I see scares me. I see my need for grace every single day.

I have been learning forgiveness for others, but primarily for myself. I have learned how to fail gracefully and learn from it. I have learned to listen to my family and my friends and my brothers and sisters in the faith. I have learned to look for Jesus in those around me and when I find it, to imitate what I see.

Have I succeeded? By the world’s standards, probably not. But by God’s standards, I think so. I believe more and more every day that if you have survived up to this point and you’re still standing, that’s success. If you fall down more times than me when I tried to roller blade and get back up each time, that’s success.

I don’t know what the 40’s will teach me, but I’m ready for whatever God has for me. It may not be what I expect. In fact,  I can almost guarantee that what God has for me will be nothing like I thought it would be, but way better than I could have hoped for.

And it will be so much more than worth the wait.

A Place Where You Belong

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Sometimes, you feel like you just don’t belong or fit in. Kinda like when you’re the odd single in a group of couples or when everyone is talking with someone else and you’re stuck talking to the pet hamster, whose communication skills could use a little work.

Many have what is known commonly as “square-peg-itis”, where you feel like a square peg in a round hole most of the time. No matter where you go, you feel as though you’re not wanted or worse, that no one even knows you’re there at all.

That’s what I love about the body of believers known as the Church. That’s a place where you belong. That’s a place you fit, because you were made to fit and play a role that only you can play. God gave you unique combination of talents and gifts and passions that no one else has and that can serve the Kingdom of God.

The body of Christ often gets treated as a business or an organization, but it’s not supposed to be that way. The body of Christ is a family. The kind of family where you’re always welcomed with open arm. The place where you’re no longer a stranger or a visitor, but a fellow pilgrim and a friend and– best of all– family.

This is the place where you can be yourself and take off the mask. This is the place where you can mess up and get a second chance, where you can blow it big time and find grace, where griefs are shared, sorrows are divided, and joys are multiplied.

A place where you find out who you are, your true self, and where you become all that God in Christ made and meant for you to be. Who wouldn’t want to be in a place like that?

Sadly, the Church doesn’t often look like that. But that’s what God calls her to be. And that’s what she is in her finest moments. That’s what will be our most effective witness and powerful way of communicating just how good and great our God is.

God, may we be one just as You are one. May we love each other as You loved us and so love people into Your kingdom. May we be always be a community where our doors are always open and where no one is left out, but everyone is welcome and belongs and fits in.

Amen.

Deep Thoughts

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Sometimes, you get a little philisophical driving home from a movie after midnight. You think deep thoughts, or at least I do.

Sometimes, I look back over what I thought I needed. I look back over what I thought I had to have to make me happy. I see that person I desperately wanted to like me, that would make life complete. I am so thankful that God said no to some of my prayers. I’m thankful He let me experience a little hurt to save me from a greater agony of getting what I thought I wanted only to find out it wasn’t what I needed.

I have come to the place where I can see that person I thought was for me and see them finding happiness with someone else and not only be happy for them, but pray for their success and joy. I can be glad when someone else gets what I wanted, when someone else has handed to them what I worked for.

Because it’s not about me. It’s not about me finding that special someone and starting a life together.

It is about Jesus. It has been, is, and will always be about Him. The verse says that I must decrese so that He may increase. I must get out of the way so that He can get in the way. I must let my dreams go, so that His dreams for me and the world can come true.

If Jesus never did one thing more for me than save me, then I would still not have enough lifetimes to properly thank Him. Not even an eternity of thanksgiving and praise would be enough. If I had used up all my blessings already (as one pastor put it), then I would be good.

So, I come to you Jesus with open hands. I hold all my relationships and possessions not with clenched fists, but with open hands, palms facing up. If you leave them in my care a little longer, You are good. If you take them away, You are still good. If all I get from You is You and the next breath of air, that will be enough.

Jesus, You are enough.

Amen.

To Be Known and To Know

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I had a dream when I was in grade school where I walked into the wrong classroom on my first day of school and everyone stared at me like I had three eyes and antennas growing out of my head. It was not a good dream. I was very glad to wake up from that one.

I also remember in the past longing with everything in me for someone who would really know me and still want to be my friend. I’ve had a lot of surface friendships, but very few with people who really, really knew me.

I think just about everyone deep down wants to be known.

I think everyone wants someone who knows them for who they really are, with flaws and insecurities and fears, and still chooses to stick around.

I believe that everyone wants to be able to be themselves around someone, to be free to say dumb and awkward stuff occasionally and not be ostracized for it.

I feel that all of us want to be able to take the mask off, to not have to always respond to “How are you doing?” with “Oh, I’m fine,” but to really give the honest answer along the lines of, “I’m not doing so well today . . . .”

We long for someone who will see our brokenness and not shun us, who will see our weaknesseses and not treat us like lepers. Someone who will walk alongside us during the hard days and the tough times and will gently guide us back onto the path when we’ve strayed.

Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. He’s the one who knows our innermost being, including the deepest, darkest secrets we keep and the places we hide that no one else knows about.

I really and truly believe that to be known in that way requires two things. First, that we seek to know others in the same way and second, that we are brave enough to be that open and honest and transparent to let people inside.

My prayer is that you can be truly known for all of who you are and loved, first by knowing the God who made you and knows you better than you know yourself and loves you completely and perfectly, and then by people God will bring into your life who will inspire you and touch you and leave their footprints permanently etched in your heart.

More Thoughts on 2012

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Ok. We’re 2 days into 2012, so it’s time for a little self-evaluation.

Are you keeping those resolutions or have you already given up on half of them and said something to the effect of “Just wait until 2013. That’s gonna be a banner year for my resolutions”?

Are you doing better at being patient and slow to anger? Are you exhibiting more grace toward those who aren’t as easy to get along with? Are you handling adversity and trials and most of all, those little annoying things that seem to get under your skin?

I think I lasted about 30 minutes into my first day back at work before I was ready to go back to bed. It was that kind of day. So I thought I would pass along a few reminders that you may or may not need at this point, but that I definitely do.

1) If all you can say is that you’re still here, then that qualifies as a success. No matter what got thrown your way, you survived, and that’s something to celebrate, even if it’s the only thing.

2) God is still the same God who promised never to leave you or forsake you. The same God who promised to complete the good work He started in you.

3) There’s nothing you will face that He can’t overcome in and through you. No matter how big the obstacle, God is bigger. No matter how strong the foe, God is stronger. No matter how hard the journey or the process, God is up to it.

4) Tomorrow everything starts over. The score will be 0-0 and your slate will be clean. No matter how badly you messed up or how big a fiasco you made, you still get new mercy and fresh grace and unlimited steadfast love, courtesy of your Heavenly Father.

5) Nothing seems as hopeless after you’ve had a good night’s sleep. Or even a decent night’s sleep.

If you need to, you can read this again tomorrow night. And the night after that. Even if you don’t, do remember the promises of God are always for you and always as sure as the God who made them. Just remember that and you’ll be fine.

New Year’s Days

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Today I was reminded once again of a great truth. It’s not just once a year that we get a new start with a clean slate; each day is a fresh start and a new chance. As it says in Lamentations, every morning, God’s mercies are new and His faithfulness is still just as great as it was the morning before.

In Christ, every day can be a New Year’s Day. Every day is a chance to put failures behind us, take the lessons they taught us, and move into a future free from the weight of the past. Every day is a chance to choose to walk in the path of wisdom and righteousness.

So even if you have already messed up and blown all those resolutions, don’t sweat it. January 2 can be your New Year’s Day. Even if you screw up the week or even the entire  month, you can still proclaim the next day as your spiritual January 1 and start over.

You can choose to renew friendships you have let fall by the wayside. You can choose to get out of your comfort zone and serve those who have less than you. You can choose to start developing those disciplines of prayer and Bible reading. You can choose to trust God more radically and more completely than you ever have in the past.

You can choose to let go of old hurts and forgive the ones who hurt you. You can choose to learn to say no to the good to make room in your schedule and your life for God’s best. The point is that you can choose.

The Bible says, “Choose this day whom you will serve.” That means every day you choose. Even every moment of every day.

I love the saying that success is never final and failure is never fatal, that courage is what counts in the end. No matter the mess you’ve made of your life up to this point, it’s never too late for a new beginning. And just because you won today doesn’t guarantee a victory tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a new day to choose whom you will serve.

A friend taught me this morning prayer: Lord, I come to You with empty hands. If all I get from You is You and my next breath, that will be enough.

So let tommorrow be your January 1 and choose Jesus.

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

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“He came to Nazareth where he had been reared. As he always did on the Sabbath, he went to the meeting place. When he stood up to read, he was handed the scroll of the prophet Isaiah. Unrolling the scroll, he found the place where it was written,

   God’s Spirit is on me;
      he’s chosen me to preach the Message of good news to
       the poor,
   Sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and
      recovery of sight to the blind,
   To set the burdened and battered free,
      to announce, “This is God’s year to act!”
He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the assistant, and sat down. Every eye in the place was on him, intent. Then he started in, “You’ve just heard Scripture make history. It came true just now in this place.” (Luke 4:17-21)

I have a  few questions for you to ponder.

What if we choose to see 2012 as the Year of the Lord’s Favor?

What if we not only read these words as only words written 2,000 years ago, but as the very living and breathing words of God that still speak and resonate today?

What if we truly believed that we as Jesus’ body on earth, His hands and feet, could see these things happen with our own eyes?

I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with a good friend recently at Starbucks. The conversation was about how we could help people walking through struggles and issues and addictions and hurts and help them see that they’re not walking alone. About how we could come alongside them and walk with them and show them the way to freedom the way someone did for us.

We could see people set free from bondage. We could see those who were blind to the truth all these years suddenly seeing the great love the Father has for them. We could see those crippled by the past suddenly walking in the liberty where there is no more shame or guilt, only forgiveness and joy. We could see Jesus healing people through us.

I think if we believe with radical and unquenchable faith in the Jesus who made these words come true, the same things will happen again. I believe if we are willing to stop merely assenting to our faith and live it out in the open for all to see, crazy things will happen.

I believe if you and I say “YES” to whatever Jesus asks us to do and wherever He asks us to go, whenever He asks, there’s no telling what He will do in us and through us. Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, as the Bible proclaims, what God has in store for us who believe with our hearts and lives and not just our heads.

Do you believe that? Then say “YES” to Jesus now.

December 27, or Christmas III: Revenge of the Mistletoe

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I have absolutely no idea why I came up with this title. It just felt good in a whimsical kind of way. And it will probably have nothing at all to do with the rest of the blog.

Today ends my Christmas vacation, or stay-cation, since I didn’t exactly go anywhere during my time off. It was also yet another memorable Christmas for me and once again, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea that Christmas Day has already come and gone.

The older I get, the more keenly aware I am of family and friends. The more I see how precious they are to me. The more I am aware of just how much God has blessed and encouraged and challenged and changed me through all of them.

I also see that while I take for granted that all my family and all my friends will always be there, I also know they won’t. This Christmas reminded me of how fragile this life is and how we must handle it with care. Life is much too valuable to be wasted on grudges and petty things and unforgiveness. The pain spent making a wrong right or mending a broken friendship or simply saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong forgive me,” is much less than the pain of regret over words not spoken and forgiveness withheld.

I see that the most valuable things in life are too precious to hold on to with closed fists. I must hold them with open hands, always ready to let them go. Really, nothing in this life belongs to me, anyway. I’m just taking care of it. My job is  to make sure that everything and everyone in my life leaves me better off than when I received them.

My job is to make sure that in the time you know me and spend with me, I let you go looking more like Jesus than before I met you. That you run the race with more assurance and fight the good faith with more confidence and trust God more radically.

That’s where I am headed in 2012. Less of me and more of Jesus. Less of my own plans and more of surrender to whatever He wants. Less anxiety and craving and striving and more resting and trusting and believing the promises.

Most of all, I want to remain a Ragamuffin whose mantra is still “My Abba is very fond of me (and you)!”

 

What I Really, Really Want for Christmas

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I thought about calling this my grown-up Christmas list, but for that to work, I’d have to feel grown-up. Most of the time, I still feel like a 10-year old stuck in a 30-something year old body, a la Tom Hanks in the movie Big. So that bit of nonsense is to lead in to the fact that I do have a Christmas list for 2011.

Instead of tolerance, I want love. I want all people to know that they are loved. God loves all those He made and His love makes you loveable, even if nothing you do or say does. That love makes you valuable, even if you don’t have worth or value according to the current standards that weigh everything by money and power.

I want more forgiveness and second chances. Not just for the ones who are in the wrong. The ones forgiving find such freedom in the act that they will wonder why they didn’t do it sooner. Forgiveness is hard, but I think not forgiving and holding onto the bitterness that eats you alive is harder. It certainly takes more out of you.

I want people to look past the surface more and see real beauty. God is the master of wrapping the best presents in homely packages. True beauty is seen with the heart and not with the eyes.

I want people to get out of their comfort zones and cliques and go to those who are lonely and hurting this Christmas season. If God has a special place in His heart for the outcast, broken, needy, poor, and destitute, then why shouldn’t we. If we want to be like Christ, we will have that same heart He has. After all, we all were once broken and needy and poor and destitute.

I want it to be that if there is to be any finger-pointing, it should be into a mirror. We all are to blame for the mess the world is in and the sooner we say, “I am responsible,” the better. Then we can say truthfully, “I am only one person. I can’t undo all the wrong that’s been done, but I can do one right thing. I can’t change the world, but I can change one person’s world, and, by the grace of God, I will.”

Most of all, I really want people to see themselves as God sees them. I want to see that God loves them. I want them to understand that God likes them. I want them to know that God offers healing and freedom and ultimate forgiveness for sins. I want them to see that it’s never too late to turn around and be all that God made you to be.

That’s really all I want for Christmas.

That, and maybe a set of Ginzu knifes, ’cause they can cut through tin cans and still slice a tomato. That’s just sheer awesomeness!

Of All the Gifts You Get This Christmas . . . . .

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Out of all the many Christmas presents you receive this year, I pray that most of all you get Jesus. I pray you get as much of Jesus as you can possibly stand — and then some — until He’s running out your ears and eyes and pouring out of your conversations and eminating from your actions.

I pray you get His peace that can’t be understood, but only experienced. I pray this peace will guard your hearts and minds tonight so that fear and doubt can’t creep in.

I pray you get His love that is wider than your imagination, deeper than your experience, longer than your history, and wilder than any love you have ever known before. I pray this love fills you up and spills out on to every single person you meet.

I pray you get the Everlasting Arms underneath and above and all around you. I pray you know that there is never a moment where you are outside of the Father’s watchful providential care. Not one sparrow lands without Him knowing it, so you can rest assured He knows where you are, even when you don’t.

I pray you get the same joy you first had on the first Christmas you can remember. I pray for the joy that overwhelmed you in those first moments of your salvation. I pray that uncontainable, unexplainable, unlimited joy will be yours.

I pray you can love yourself as your Abba loves you and love others the same. I pray you love God most of all, with every cell you have in your body. Mostly, I pray you can receive the Love that won’t let you go and let that Love flow through you to those who need it most.

I pray you cherish each moment as the gift it really is and the people in your life. Never take anything or anyone for granted and may your life be one big THANK YOU back to Jesus for all He’s done for you, not only this Christmas, but every single day of your life.

Amen.