night

Tired Thinking

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

I am strange and unusual. I have come to accept that and I am fine with it. I have weird thoughts and say weird things sometimes. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s just plain awkward.

I have learned that when I am extremely tired, my thoughts take on a life of their own. When I am exhausted, my thoughts don’t trend toward happy places. I go negative and dark and self-loathing. I am suspicious of other peoples’ motives and think the worst is going to happen.

I have thoughts like, “See how that person didn’t respond to your post? He/she is really mad at you,” or “See? That person has had it with you and you won’t ever hear from them again.” Or “You really are no good. You don’t deserve anything good.”

The irony is that tired thoughts will keep you awake, mind churning and your insides writhing, and make you even more tired than before. If you let them, they can take you to a place of hopelessness and despair and isolation, not a good place to be.

I’ve learned a few things. First, I know better than to trust my feelings, especially when I’m tired and my defenses are down. I like what I heard, that your thoughts and feelings will lie to you, so you go with what you know to be true about God.

Second, I have to realize that not all the thoughts in my head are from me. Satan can put a thought in my head and make me think that I thought of it. That’s where it helps to pray out loud that God would bind Satan from your thoughts.

Third, I have to tune in to what God is saying about me. I have to listen to the Voice that is saying good things about me. If I can quiet my thoughts, I can hear the sweet voice of my Abba singing over me, like He does every night.

Finally, I know that in the morning, things will seem a whole lot clearer and all those dire thoughts about people who hate me and have abandoned me don’t seem quite as convincing. When you call something by its name, it loses its power over you.

My prayer is that you can have a calm and quiet soul. Psalm 131 talks about being like a weaned child with its mother. That’s how God wants us to be with Him. Completely trusting, utterly abandoned, and resting in His everlasting arms. After all, it’s not what you say about yourself that matters, but what God says about you. And He is saying good things if you only have ears to hear.

My Sleepy Blog

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Right now, I am so tired I probably won’t be able to sleep. I am so sleepy my head feels fuzzy. And please tell me I’m not the only person who gets the fuzzy head thing. I can’t be the only crazy person.

I am so tired that I am actually fantasizing about sleep. Me under those soft sheets with my pillow. Right now that’s even better than chocolate.

I’m also annoyed that I already typed this blog once and it went to some alternate reality other than this one, because it didn’t show up after I submitted it.

Normally, I would be looking forward to the rare privilege of sleeping in tomorrow. However, tomorrow I am helping Belmont students move in to their dorms. We have to be there at 6:30 am. Yikes.

The good news is that my God is a God who never sleeps, who never grows weary, and who never tires of taking care of His children. His patience and understanding are limitless toward those who believe.

So, I am off to bed. Dreamland is calling, and I bet there will be some weird dreams tonight. I definitely foresee a nap in my future.

Sometimes, I think the most spiritual thing you can do is rest. Who knew taking naps could be so holy? I know I am about to be really, really spiritual in a minute or two.

Rest well, friends, and may you hear the voice of your Abba singing over you in the night as you sleep. Know He delights in you still.

Good night.

Good Driving in the Dark Music

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I was driving home from downtown Franklin again tonight and I had to have the right nighttime driving music. Not just any music will do for me. It has to fit the mood of a summer night with or without the window rolled down (the windows were up tonight because of the humidity).

I went with Gillian Welch’s new album, The Harrow & The Harvest. It’s a wonderful album to play through while driving in the car. It has a deliberately slow and easy gait, a lazy summer day kind of rhythm, to it. The way Gillain and David Rawling’s voices mesh, the way the sparse accompaniment makes the music feel intimate, makes it perfect for driving alone in the dark.

I don’t ususally want fast and loud late at night. I want mellow and subdued. I want pensive, thoughtful lyrics with a sound that calms me down without putting me to sleep.

For me, I’ve found a few albums that qualify. Lori McKenna’s Lorraine, Don McLean’s American Pie, Eastmountainsouth’s self-titled album, or anything by Peter Bradley Adams, Over the Rhine, Gillian Welch or The Sundays will do. There are others, both old and new, that span countless genres. I’m not so much looking for a particular style of music, I just want a kind of mood or feeling from it.

What music brings you home at night? I realize most people probably just let the radio pick their music. Most people probably don’t even pay attention to the music coming from the car speakers. But there are probably a few of you who are more deliberate in your nocturnal musical selections. Like me.

PS I do like listening to Delilah at night. She always had a friendly voice and plays good songs and gives sound advice. Sometimes, though, the drive home needs a soundtrack that is more personal and less top-40 radio-friendly. Like tonight.

PPS Anything by Gillian Welch and/or David Rawlings will do for night driving.

Late at Night

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I have a confession. I am a night owl and I don’t give a hoot about who knows. Yep, that was a terrible pun, but it is true.

I love when I am up late at night and the breezes blow through me like the whispers of God telling me good secrets. I love that feeling of quiet calm that comes just after the overwhelming tiredness where I’m too tired to sleep.

I love the way all those cares and pressures fade into the background noise with the cicadas and crickets. I love that I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything or be anybody other than me for those few moments.

To me, that’s heaven. Not so much the dark, but the feeling that comes with the warm night air and ambient sounds that aren’t lost in all the noise of the day. Not a fanfare, but a quiet air.

I guess that’s why I am a night owl. I’m sure those same sensations come in the pre-dawn hours of the morning, but I’d much rather stay up later than get up earlier any day. I’m too lazy for that.