To My Single Friends Out There

I heard some good dating advice recently. The pastor spoke of how Abraham sent out his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. The servant’s test for who God picked for Isaac was the one who not only offered to give him water, but also to give water to his camels. In other words, the attribute he was looking for was kindness.

Is kindness on your list of top ten attributes you look for in a mate? Honestly, until very recently, I can’t say that it was on mine. Kindness is a virtue that gets overlooked these days, or gets mislabled as being passive or being a pushover. All those articles on ten easy steps to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right probably will leave kindness off their lists.

But remember this. Kindness is important. After all, it was the kindness of the Lord which led you to repentence. It was His kindness that led you to your salvation. Kindness can break through hard hearts where brute strength and force never could.

I bet if you were to ask a man or woman who has been married for more than 10 years, a couple who has weathered all the seasons and storms of life, how they value kindness, they would probably rate it high on their list. After physical beauty fades, kindness remains. When the money is gone, kindness will still be around. After the confident swagger is shaken, kindness is what’s left.

Kindness is love given to the least of these, to those who can’t pay it back, to those who need it most but don’t know how to express that need. Kindness is given without any expectation or return or reward, but is its own reward. As the song says, “In the end, only kindness matters.” I believe that’s true.

Do you? Then choose kindness.

Real and Lasting Change

I was reading in John 19 and a particular phrase caught my attention. I’d read it before and thought nothing of it, but for some reason, these particular words lept off the page at me: “Nicholas, who had first come to Jesus at night, now came in broad daylight”.

That may not mean much to you, but it meant the world to me. It was a reminder to me of the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to actually and truly change lives. It was a reminder that even old crusty theologians can be taught new tricks and come to see like a little child again.

This Gospel is the same that transformed 12 men from cowards who hid behind locked doors after Jesus’ death to courageous followers who each were willing to give up everything to follow Jesus and who paid heavy prices for their commitments.

This Gospel took a man who lied and betrayed Jesus to save his own skin to a man willing to die by cruxifiction upside down for the same Jesus.

This Gospel took a man who persecuted and killed in the name of religion and had much to boast about in his law-keeping abilities to a man who called himself “chief of sinners” and was willing to go through stoning, beatings, humiliations, prison and so much more for the cause of making the name of Christ known to the world.

The Gospel took me, someone who thought nobody could love and who didn’t think God could use or do anything with, and made me someone who is finding out that I am the beloved. I am the child of my Abba, who is very fond of me and can take my mustard seed of faith and move mountains with it.

When someone says they can’t change, don’t believe it. When someone says, you won’t ever change or you can’t change or it’s too late for you to change, don’t believe them.

I still believe and will always believe that with God, all things are possible. With God, you can change, or better yet, God can take the broken pieces of your heart and life and put them back together better than new. You won’t be a fixed or even a better person. You will be  a completely new creation.

Just ask the disciples. Just ask Peter. Just ask Paul. And just ask the dying thief on the cross moments before he died. It’s never too late to change. It’s never to late to start becoming who God meant for you to be. All you need to start is your YES to Jesus.

The rest will be history.

 

Takeaways from Kairos Tonight

I feel like I blew it the last few days. I said and texted and posted some stuff that I now wish I could take back. In fact, there are whole sections of the last day or two that I wish I could have a do-over on. Today, I let fear and worry take over and I listened to them instead of the voice of the One who calls me Beloved and says good things about me.

In Kairos, I was reminded that the Gospel is about God’s YES rather than God’s NO. While the world and those around you may be telling you all the things you are not: not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough, not talented enough, etc. Sometimes, even you feel that you don’t measure up or have what it takes.

The Gospel doesn’t start with how bad off you are. The Gospel isn’t about how much of a sinner you are and how wide you’re going to bust hell open. The Gospel starts, “For God so loved the world.” For God so loved YOU that He gave His only, unique, one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-another Son, so that if YOU believe in Him, YOU will not perish but YOU will have eternal life.

On those days when what you want to say sounds right in your head but comes out totally wrong out of your mouth or through your text, God loves you. When you completely give in to the anger and frustration and completely lose your religion, God still loves you. When you forget who you are in Christ and start trying to find someone or something to define you and make you complete, God still loves you. And He always will.

Brennan Manning said, “Tragedy is that our attention centers on what people are not, rather than on what they are and who they might become.” God sees not what we are not and all we lack, but who we are, His sons and daughters whom He loves and died for. He sees who we will be and He reminds of our future selves who are fully complete and mature and just like Jesus. That’s what we’re becoming.

All that from a sermon I heard tonight at Kairos. I’d say I needed to hear it. I hope you did, too. If nothing else, remember what I always say: Your Abba is very fond of you and is not even close to giving up on you, even if others are or even if you are. That’s the truth. Live out of that.

 

Turning 40: A Retrospective Look at My Past

According to my iffy math skills, I have 49 more days left of my 30’s. Then I turn the dreaded 4-0. But according to Facebook, I have nothing to worry about. I’m supposed to die when I’m rollerblading at 95 and get hit by a car, based on the wisdom of a facebook application I used once. Apparently, my roller blading braking skills will still be non-existent 46 years later.

When I was in my 20’s, I knew a lot more than I do now. At least I thought I did. At that age, it’s very easy to confuse knowledge with wisdom. It’s very easy to have a faith that’s either all head-knowledge or almost solely emotion-based. But I digress. I had very definite ideas about theology and doctrine and dating (even though I didn’t date, which is probably why I was against it).

In my 30’s, I found out I knew less that I thought I did and was certain about even less. My black and white world suddenly had room for some gray areas. I still held to the essential basics of the faith, but I was able to live and let live over disagreements and not feel the need to win every argument or prove my side every time.

Now, I see more than ever my great need for God. I see more than ever what I would be like apart from the grace of God and what I see scares me. I see my need for grace every single day.

I have been learning forgiveness for others, but primarily for myself. I have learned how to fail gracefully and learn from it. I have learned to listen to my family and my friends and my brothers and sisters in the faith. I have learned to look for Jesus in those around me and when I find it, to imitate what I see.

Have I succeeded? By the world’s standards, probably not. But by God’s standards, I think so. I believe more and more every day that if you have survived up to this point and you’re still standing, that’s success. If you fall down more times than me when I tried to roller blade and get back up each time, that’s success.

I don’t know what the 40’s will teach me, but I’m ready for whatever God has for me. It may not be what I expect. In fact,  I can almost guarantee that what God has for me will be nothing like I thought it would be, but way better than I could have hoped for.

And it will be so much more than worth the wait.

A Place Where You Belong

Sometimes, you feel like you just don’t belong or fit in. Kinda like when you’re the odd single in a group of couples or when everyone is talking with someone else and you’re stuck talking to the pet hamster, whose communication skills could use a little work.

Many have what is known commonly as “square-peg-itis”, where you feel like a square peg in a round hole most of the time. No matter where you go, you feel as though you’re not wanted or worse, that no one even knows you’re there at all.

That’s what I love about the body of believers known as the Church. That’s a place where you belong. That’s a place you fit, because you were made to fit and play a role that only you can play. God gave you unique combination of talents and gifts and passions that no one else has and that can serve the Kingdom of God.

The body of Christ often gets treated as a business or an organization, but it’s not supposed to be that way. The body of Christ is a family. The kind of family where you’re always welcomed with open arm. The place where you’re no longer a stranger or a visitor, but a fellow pilgrim and a friend and– best of all– family.

This is the place where you can be yourself and take off the mask. This is the place where you can mess up and get a second chance, where you can blow it big time and find grace, where griefs are shared, sorrows are divided, and joys are multiplied.

A place where you find out who you are, your true self, and where you become all that God in Christ made and meant for you to be. Who wouldn’t want to be in a place like that?

Sadly, the Church doesn’t often look like that. But that’s what God calls her to be. And that’s what she is in her finest moments. That’s what will be our most effective witness and powerful way of communicating just how good and great our God is.

God, may we be one just as You are one. May we love each other as You loved us and so love people into Your kingdom. May we be always be a community where our doors are always open and where no one is left out, but everyone is welcome and belongs and fits in.

Amen.

Goodwill Finds

image

I am fast becoming a Goodwill junkie. I love going in those stores, not knowing what I’ll find, and walking away with a few unexpected treasures. Like today, for instance. I went in looking for music and came out with a little stained glass piece that has Romans 8:31 on it. Well, it looks like stained glass to my untrained eye. I went in with visions of finding Amy Winehouse CDs and found something I didn’t expect to find, but ended up being much more meaningful to me than what I was looking for.

I think life is a lot like that.

Sure, you can live your life in safe mode. That’s where you always hang out with the same people and go to the same places. That’s where you love people who are loveable and and invest in the friendships with people who are popular and know the secret handshake and password. Those in the know and on the go, so to speak.

That’s fine, but you never find any unexpected treasures there.

Sometimes, you have to go out of your way to find that treasure hidden in a field that’s worth more than everything you own put together. Sometimes, you have to get out of your safe life to find the most satisfying and rewarding moments.

Maybe the treasure is found in the friends who are on the outside with the in-crowd, but who have deep wells of wisdom when it comes to walking with Jesus. Maybe it’s in serving those who won’t say thank you, or giving to those who will never pay you back.

Maybe it’s in giving that someone a second chance after they screwed up the first and finding that forgiveness is its own reward.

I think God deliberately puts the most precious things and people and places and moments in the most ordinary disguises so that they will mean that much more to us when we find them and see them for their true worth and value. It’s a fearful thing to step out in faith that way, but the risk is always way more than worth it.

I can think of a few friends who have turned out to be golden. My family is the same way. Those memories I cherish most happened when I was expecting something else (or not expecting anyhing at all).

Sometimes, when you go digging through the trash, when you go to the lowliest places, sometimes you will look into the face of the broken and hopeless and outcast and find Jesus there.

To Be Known and To Know

I had a dream when I was in grade school where I walked into the wrong classroom on my first day of school and everyone stared at me like I had three eyes and antennas growing out of my head. It was not a good dream. I was very glad to wake up from that one.

I also remember in the past longing with everything in me for someone who would really know me and still want to be my friend. I’ve had a lot of surface friendships, but very few with people who really, really knew me.

I think just about everyone deep down wants to be known.

I think everyone wants someone who knows them for who they really are, with flaws and insecurities and fears, and still chooses to stick around.

I believe that everyone wants to be able to be themselves around someone, to be free to say dumb and awkward stuff occasionally and not be ostracized for it.

I feel that all of us want to be able to take the mask off, to not have to always respond to “How are you doing?” with “Oh, I’m fine,” but to really give the honest answer along the lines of, “I’m not doing so well today . . . .”

We long for someone who will see our brokenness and not shun us, who will see our weaknesseses and not treat us like lepers. Someone who will walk alongside us during the hard days and the tough times and will gently guide us back onto the path when we’ve strayed.

Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. He’s the one who knows our innermost being, including the deepest, darkest secrets we keep and the places we hide that no one else knows about.

I really and truly believe that to be known in that way requires two things. First, that we seek to know others in the same way and second, that we are brave enough to be that open and honest and transparent to let people inside.

My prayer is that you can be truly known for all of who you are and loved, first by knowing the God who made you and knows you better than you know yourself and loves you completely and perfectly, and then by people God will bring into your life who will inspire you and touch you and leave their footprints permanently etched in your heart.

More Thoughts on 2012

Ok. We’re 2 days into 2012, so it’s time for a little self-evaluation.

Are you keeping those resolutions or have you already given up on half of them and said something to the effect of “Just wait until 2013. That’s gonna be a banner year for my resolutions”?

Are you doing better at being patient and slow to anger? Are you exhibiting more grace toward those who aren’t as easy to get along with? Are you handling adversity and trials and most of all, those little annoying things that seem to get under your skin?

I think I lasted about 30 minutes into my first day back at work before I was ready to go back to bed. It was that kind of day. So I thought I would pass along a few reminders that you may or may not need at this point, but that I definitely do.

1) If all you can say is that you’re still here, then that qualifies as a success. No matter what got thrown your way, you survived, and that’s something to celebrate, even if it’s the only thing.

2) God is still the same God who promised never to leave you or forsake you. The same God who promised to complete the good work He started in you.

3) There’s nothing you will face that He can’t overcome in and through you. No matter how big the obstacle, God is bigger. No matter how strong the foe, God is stronger. No matter how hard the journey or the process, God is up to it.

4) Tomorrow everything starts over. The score will be 0-0 and your slate will be clean. No matter how badly you messed up or how big a fiasco you made, you still get new mercy and fresh grace and unlimited steadfast love, courtesy of your Heavenly Father.

5) Nothing seems as hopeless after you’ve had a good night’s sleep. Or even a decent night’s sleep.

If you need to, you can read this again tomorrow night. And the night after that. Even if you don’t, do remember the promises of God are always for you and always as sure as the God who made them. Just remember that and you’ll be fine.

New Year’s Days

Today I was reminded once again of a great truth. It’s not just once a year that we get a new start with a clean slate; each day is a fresh start and a new chance. As it says in Lamentations, every morning, God’s mercies are new and His faithfulness is still just as great as it was the morning before.

In Christ, every day can be a New Year’s Day. Every day is a chance to put failures behind us, take the lessons they taught us, and move into a future free from the weight of the past. Every day is a chance to choose to walk in the path of wisdom and righteousness.

So even if you have already messed up and blown all those resolutions, don’t sweat it. January 2 can be your New Year’s Day. Even if you screw up the week or even the entire  month, you can still proclaim the next day as your spiritual January 1 and start over.

You can choose to renew friendships you have let fall by the wayside. You can choose to get out of your comfort zone and serve those who have less than you. You can choose to start developing those disciplines of prayer and Bible reading. You can choose to trust God more radically and more completely than you ever have in the past.

You can choose to let go of old hurts and forgive the ones who hurt you. You can choose to learn to say no to the good to make room in your schedule and your life for God’s best. The point is that you can choose.

The Bible says, “Choose this day whom you will serve.” That means every day you choose. Even every moment of every day.

I love the saying that success is never final and failure is never fatal, that courage is what counts in the end. No matter the mess you’ve made of your life up to this point, it’s never too late for a new beginning. And just because you won today doesn’t guarantee a victory tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a new day to choose whom you will serve.

A friend taught me this morning prayer: Lord, I come to You with empty hands. If all I get from You is You and my next breath, that will be enough.

So let tommorrow be your January 1 and choose Jesus.

Choices

Life is full of choices. Some hard, some easy. Somtimes you get to choose between the better of two good things, and sometimes it’s between bad and worse.

You can choose vanilla or chocolate, although in my mind there is no choice there. Chocolate wins everytime, especially when peanut butter is involved.

You can choose Coke or Pepsi, or be like me and like ’em both. Or just be healthy and drink water.

In 2012, I think there are some choices we must make that will determine how those around us view our faith and how much or little it means to us.

You can choose to walk away from someone who’s struggling, or you can choose to walk the extra mile with them. You can choose to bail when the friendship takes work, or you can be like Jesus, the Friend who sticks closer than a brother or sister.

You can choose bitterness and anger, or you can choose to forgive. You can hold on to hurt until it consumes you alive, or you can release it and live the freedom God meant for you to live.

You can choose the safe and the known and the comfortable, or you can choose the road less traveled. You can seek out familiar friends and places and stay exactly like you are, or you can find Jesus in the hurting and broken and lonely and friendless and walk away changed and more like Christ.

You can choose to seek approval and affection and attention and always be striving to make people like you, or you can choose to seek first God’s kingdom and His approval and find out that people will be drawn to the difference they see in someone who is content with who they are and what they have.

You can choose to serve the gods of power and success and prosperity and fame and the in-crowd. You can choose to worship at the altar of money, sex, food, consumerism, and self. Or you can say, “As for me and my house, we will serve only Yahweh.”

To not choose is itself a choice. So choose life. Choose the narrow road that leads to life in the fullest sense, and not the broad road that leads to the death of your own identity at the hands of what you think everyone wants you to be. Choose Jesus, because He first chose you.