marriage

Fish & Chips & The Promises of God

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I was driving home from McCreary’s Irish Pub (one of my favorite places to eat in the world in case you’ve been living under a rock for the last year or so and weren’t aware). It was cool, almost fall-ish weather, and I had my windows rolled down listening to some old school dc talk ’cause I rock it like that.

I was thinking of the amazing fish and chips I just ate and reminiscing on a good sermon I just heard about the promises of God. Like the one Jesus spoke at the end of Matthew about how He would be with us always, to the very end.

It won’t always feel that way. God won’t always feel present. In fact, God will feel a million miles away sometimes. But I’ve learned that while feelings lie, God doesn’t. And He promised He wouldn’t leave or forsake you. Or me.

I have a lot of uncertainties in my life, like if I will ever get married or not (or just have a dating relationship), but I know at least one thing for certain. I can’t go where God’s not there. I can’t go where God’s not already waiting on me.

I plan on breaking out my running shoes tomorrow and doing a bit of jogging. I estimate it will take me 7 straight hours of jogging to run off the meal I had tonight, but it was so worth it.

I may not feel God near, because a lot of things can numb my ability to sense Him. Like unconfessed sins or addictions or uncaptured thoughts. But God is always near because He says He would be.

Faith has to be bigger than feelings or intuitions or sometimes even common sense. Faith is believing when common sense sometimes tell you not to. Faith is believing that God said it and that settles it. He doesn’t need my agreement for it to be so.

By the way, if you’re ever in historic downtown Franklin for any reason, check out McCreary’s Irish Pub. You won’t be disappointed.

 

Two Hearts Beat as One

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I was getting ready to mow the back yard when God brought an image to my mind. I thought of an article I read online a few months back about an elderly couple who died holding hands. This doesn’t happen often, but I literally dropped everything and got to my laptop to get this all down while it’s still fresh in my head.

The couple was Gordon and Norma Yeager, married for 72 years when they were both involved in a car accident. When they got to the ER, they were both more concerned about the other than themselves. Finally, they got moved to a room with side-by-side hospital beds where they could hold hands.

He died first. But that’s where it gets interesting. I’ll quote a bit of the article.

“Someone in there said, ‘Why, then, when we look at the monitor is the heart still beating?'” Sheets recalled. “The nurse said Dad was picking up Mom’s heartbeat through Mom’s hand.”

“And we thought, ‘Oh my gosh, Mom’s heart is beating through him,'” Dennis Yeager said.

That to me is what a Godly marriage looks like. That is also a beautiful picture of fellowship and community in the body of Christ. That’s a perfect picture of divine love shown in it’s fullest and most complete expression.

We should be so connected and intertwined as believers that I cry when you hurt and I suffer when you are in pain. That your sorrows are my sorrows and your joys my joys. I think the Bible calls that carrying each other’s burdens.

Most of all, I want to be that way with Jesus. I want to be so close to Him that people can feel His heart beating through mine. I want to be so intimate with Him that His heartbeat literally becomes mine and I can see people through His eyes and reach out to them with His hands and love them with His heart.

I want my heart to be broken over what breaks the heart of God. No just when I’m serving in missions or when I’m in a church service, but all the time, everywhere I go for everyone I meet.

May that be your heartbeat also. May that be the one desire of your heart.

By the way, if you want to read more about the Yeagers, you can go here. http://abcnews.go.com/US/iowa-couple-married-72-years-dies-holding-hands/story?id=14771029

From one beggar who has found the Bread of Life and is trying to tell everyone else how to find it, too.

I Know: Living in Captivity

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“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Lots of people quote the above as their favorite verse. Lots of people go even further and call it their life verse, me being one of them. It’s nice to know that God’s got your future in His hands.

But when you look at the context, this is written to people in captivity who are longing for home. The funny part is that they are longing for a home they’ve never seen, but only heard stories about.

Many of us feel like captives. Maybe you feel trapped in a job you don’t like, but you’re afraid to step out in a bad economy and look for new work, so you stay and stress and count the minutes to the end of every day.

Maybe you feel like your family doesn’t know or appreciate you. Maybe you feel like your spouse is always tearing you down and never offering anything positive. Maybe you’ve being going to a church for a while and you still feel like a stranger and an outsider.

Maybe you feel like your friends have all moved on and left you behind in your pain. Maybe you had your romantic hopes dashed yet again and feel even less desirable than ever.

Read the first part of the verse. God knows. He’s aware of your distress. He sees the tears you cry in the dark when you’re alone and feels the pain that hides behind the facade of a smile.

He has a plan for you. He has a dream for you that is bigger than you but that you get to be a part of. He has a future for you that is as wide-open and free as His amazing grace.

I love how one author said that when you are in a dark place, listen very carefully because God has a special and very precious word for you that you won’t be able to receive any other way.

Jesus knows what it feels like to be alone and forsaken. That’s why He said He would never to either to you. Ever.

Keep trusting and keep believing, even when you don’t feel like it. Keep clinging to Jesus. If all you can pray is “Help me,” keep praying that over and over until it becomes your mantra.

I have never known a storm that didn’t leave a rainbow or a night that didn’t turn into day. Your time is coming and God’s got good things coming your way. Hold on.

Happy Mother’s Day to the Best Mom Ever!

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Happy Mother’s Day to Delores Johnson, the best mom a guy ever had. Of all the moms I’ve ever had, you’re my favorite!

You took me to all those recitals and practics, including that ill-fated attempt at t-ball where all I did was play in the sandbox. Not to mention that aborted disaster that was gymnastics.

You took me to piano lessons, soccer practice, Boy Scouts, field trips, and to all those bookstores and music stores. It seemed like you must have logged a million miles on all those blue station wagons.

You took care of me when I got sick and made me feel better. You gave me crackers and coke for when I couldn’t hold anything else down. You kissed all my boo-boos and made them go away.

You survived my 10th birthday party at the skating rink at East End with all my 4th grade friends. You even managed to keep most of your sanity intact.

You were with us through the loss of three dogs and one parakeet, not forgetting those short-lived sea monkeys who prematurely expired due to a badly-thrown nerf football.

I always loved opening my lunchbox on Valentine’s Day and finding those little shoebox cards inside with those Little Debbie cakes.

You made vacations fun. You made rainy days fun. You made life fun.

I love you lots and in case I didn’t ever tell you before, you’re my hero. You’re one of the best, godliest women I know and if the woman I marry is half of who you are, I will be blessed indeed.

Lucy has read all the above and gives her two paws up as sign of her consent.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Yet Another Blog About Marriage from the Perpetually Single Guy

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

I have to admit something. I’m a bit disturbed.

Maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe a little envy is creeping in, but I get disturbed by the way people on facebook are describing the ones that they will very probably end up marrying.

The descriptions are things like “tall” or “hot” or some other physical attribute. I know attraction is important, but is it the most important thing?

This is the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and walk through all the seasons and storms of life with. It won’t matter if he’s got six-pack abs when you’re dealing with the loss of a family member. It won’t matter how “hot” he is when you’re struggling to make ends meet and wondering which bill will be left unpaid this month.

The most important thing, the first thing you should be able to say about your potential spouse, is what kind of character he or she has. Is he kind? Is she considerate? How does he treat strangers? How does she talk about her family and friends when they’re not around?

Again, I admit that I am probably making something out of nothing, but I have to get this out in the open so it won’t hang around in my brain and keep me from sleeping tonight.

Mostly, I see a generation that is obsessed with having the perfect weddings, but not nearly ready enough to have successful, impacting marriages. So much of what passes for dating these days is “pretending to be married and practicing for divorce,” as I heard it put once.

One last thing. There’s no prize for how fast you move from dating to being engaged to being married. Take your time and learn everything you can about the other person.

I may be eternally single and date-less, but I do know this: if you try to make a relationship fulfill what only God was meant to fulfill, it will fail miserably.

I have a lot to learn about this, as well as many other areas, but I do know that God is still good and He is still eternally patient with me.

The moral? Take all this with a grain of salt and read it with grace. But keep your eyes open and your mind intact. Love isn’t something you fall into; it’s something that you must choose again each day, something you must work at, something that may at times be very hard, but at all times will be worth it.

Lessons From the Not Yet

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Maybe you remember back in high school and college when you wondered if that special someone who caught your eye reciprocated your interest. It would have been so much easier to have one of those grade school forms that went something like “Do you like me? Check Yes or No.”

Some of us are still there, in a perpetual state of singleness, wondering if the one we want to like us really does. It’s frustrating not knowing. Even a rejection would be easier to handle than the not knowing.

So many times, we want answers. Even answers we don’t like are better than no answers at all.

I really think that maybe being in a place where we’re waiting for answers is a good place. I think that’s where we learn the most precious and valuable lessons from God. That’s where we learn to really trust and rely on and cling to God.

I’ve heard it said that faith may not always know where it is being led, but it trusts the One leading. You may not know the outcome of what you long for and pray for, but you know that God still works all things together for good for those who love Him.

I think when we only want answers, we short-change ourselves. God is offering the opportunity for us to have all of Him and and to know Him and fellowship with Him. That’s so much better than the answers to a few questions.

Learning to trust in the absence of answers is hard. Learning to be still when every instinct in you is screaming to take the matter into your own hands is difficult.

Growing is painful and slow. Maturity doesn’t come microwave-style in a matter of minutes, but over months and years.

You will know your faith is mature when you realize that you will never get answers to some of your questions and you still choose to follow anyway.

Oswald Chambers once said, “Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading.  It is a life of faith, not of intellect and reason, but a life of knowing Who makes us “go.”  The root of faith is the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest snares is the idea that God is sure to lead us to success.”

The endgame is not answers to your questions or even getting what you desire. It’s character. It’s becoming like Christ. It’s becoming every single part of who God made you to be– your deepest, truest self.

That, my friends, is worth waiting for.

Is Good Enough Really Good Enough?

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Tonight, I watched the movie Courageous. On a side note, I found it not to be a Christian movie with some good parts, but a good movie with a Christian message. We need more of these kind of movies out there.

But I digress.

One of the main characters said something to the effect of “I don’t want to just be a good enough father.”

We shouldn’t be just good enough fathers and mothers. We shouldn’t be just good enough brothers and sisters, or sons and daughters, or husbands and wives, or friends. Or anything.

More than anything, we shouldn’t strive to be just good enough to get by with God.

We should strive for excellence in everything.

We should seek to go the extra mile in serving and loving others.

We should turn the other cheek and not return hate with more hate, but with love.

We should make time for those people in our lives, no matter how inconvenient, to show them they matter not just in lip service, but in actions that speak louder than words.

It’s easy to settle for second-rate and coast. I’ve done that too many times.

But did Jesus only do good enough to secure our salvation? Did he halfway seek to win our hearts?

I’m not saying if we do more and work harder, God will love us more.

I am saying that if we are truly living out of the freedom of being forgiven and we are truly grateful, our lives will show it. If we live in complete dependence on the power of the resurrected Jesus, we won’t be half-hearted anymore. We will be all in.

I don’t want to just be good enough anymore. Do you?

Turning the big 4-Uh-Oh

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In less than six days, I turn 40.

Yes, I’ve heard that 40 is the new 30, and 20 is the new 10. I guess that makes 10 the new embryo.

I’m gonna be 40. Right now, I think I’m in denial. I’ve been telling everyone I am celebrating the 15th anniversary of my 25th birthday, which is true and sounds less ominous that the dreaded “turning 40.”

Am I where I thought I would be at 40? Not even close.

I’m not married. Or engaged. Or dating. Or even remotely close to dating (I’ve always heard that for dating to work you need to not only be attracted to someone, but that someone should also be attraced back. Funny how that always seems to be the case.)

Sometimes, if I let myself think about how far off-course I am from where I envisioned myself, it’s enough to make me uber-bummed.

But as I was reminded this week, God’s ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. As far as the heavens are above the earth, so His thoughts are that much higher than mine.

I see only a tiny part of the picture while He sees the whole thing. He knows where I need to be and He knows how to get me there when I am good and ready, and not one second before then.

Daily, it’s a fight to seek first the Kingdom of God and not my own itinerary. It’s hard to keep trusting in God when He leads me contrary to where everything in me tells me I should go.

Still, I know that even though I don’t know the way or how I will get there, I can trust the One leading me. I can look back at His proven track record and know that He’s got me.

I’m in Good Hands.

The So-Called Greener Pasture

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“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life” (1 Corinthians 7:17a).

The media tells you that you can’t be satisfied where you are. Our entire economy is based on the idea that for you to be completely satisfied, you just need a new car or a new house or a new 100-inch 3D plasma TV.

So many single people are so pre-occupied with getting married that they lose the beauty of being single. Some will get married to the first person who shows interest back and find out the hard way that being alone in a bad marriage is worse than being alone and single.

Even married people are tempted daily that what they have isn’t enough. There are myriad oppurtinities for you to find comfort and solace in someone who is not your spouse. No one starts out looking to wreck his or her marriage with an affair. It starts innocently enough with confiding in that co-worker and opening up emotionally to the friend of your spouse.

We miss so much of our lives waiting on the next big event. For single people, it’s marriage. For married people, it’s having children. For married people with children, it’s having the kids grow up and leave the house so they can go back to the way it was when they were first married.

Only you can’t ever go back. You can’t live in the future. The only life you have is now in the present and if you are so focused on what comes next, you will miss what God has for you right now.

God is outside of time and in every moment of your life. But He is only speaking to you in the present. You can only commune with Him in the now. If your mind is envisioning possible futures and rehearsing future conversations and imagining what 5 years from now will bring, you will miss the precious word that God is speaking to you right now.

The best place you can be is where you are right now. Where God has you is the perfect place for you to learn and grow and become the person who is ready for what God has for you in the future.

That’s where I want to be. I hope and pray that’s where you want to be, too.

So take a deep breath. Look around and smell some roses. Enjoy where you are. If it’s a difficult season of life, look for the proverbial silver lining.

The best thing you will find is God there, ready to speak a word into your soul that will change everything about the way you see yourself and your situation.

All that greener pasture? It’s not so green when you get there.