marriage

Vanilla Blonde Roast Coffee and Thoughts of Marriage

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starbucks

I officially had my very first cup of non-blended coffee. It was a grande vanilla blonde roast, thank you very much. And yes, I felt ever so grown up drinking it. I may actually turn into a mature grown-up person one day, scary as that thought may be.

Then I got to thinking about marriage. Me the single guy thinking about marriage? Yep.

For years, I felt I couldn’t get married because I felt I’d never be mature enough or ready for all the responsibilities. Now I think maybe those are the very reasons that I’m ready.

I know I will need Jesus in my marriage for it to have even a ghost of a chance for success. I know I will need his strength daily to be the kind of husband and father I need to be. I know how weak and foolish I can be on my own strength.

Maybe the greatest folly going into a marriage is thinking that you’re ready for it. Maybe it’s when you think you can handle the biblical roles of husband and father that you’re most prone to the consequence that follows the sin of pride– namely, a great fall.

I’m not saying I will get married tomorrow or next week. I’ve left that in God’s hands. But I no longer believe that I CAN’T be a good husband or father. I can’t, but Jesus in me can.

I don’t want a typical American marriage. I don’t want to settle for normalcy. I don’t just want to plan for my wedding (and yes, I want to be a part of that); I want to plan for a lifelong marriage. I want a marriage where my wife and I serve together better than we ever could apart. I want a marriage that has a kingdom mission and purpose. I want my marriage to be a living witness to how great the love of Christ is for His bride, the Church.

And I know that I can’t begin to do that on my own. I can’t begin to dream of that on my own. It will take as much of Jesus flowing through me and out of me as I can humanly stand– and then some. It will take me being completely consumed until all that remains is Christ in me, the hope of glory.

All that from one cup of coffee. I may be up until 5 am, but right now I’m feeling mighty fine. Just think what kind of blogs I’ll write when I get hold of a venti cup of coffee.

My First Letter to My Future Wife in a While

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“You are the butter to my bread, you are the breath to my life” (from the movie Julie & Julia).

I blogged a few days ago about a magical movie moment at Best Buy. I’m beginning to realize that that girl is probably not you. In fact, I sincerely doubt I’ll ever see her again.

But one thing she did that I’m forever grateful for is to help me believe in myself again. Specifically, she helped me to believe that I could be desirable and attractive to the opposite sex. Not in a logical in-my-head kind of way, but in a very real, in-real-life kind of way.

I had even begun to doubt you would ever come my way, but now I believe in that again. I believe that even if it takes a miracle for us to meet, God has plenty of experience and practice and miracles and it’s really true that what seems impossible to us isn’t even remotely difficult for him,

There are still some fuzzy parts. I don’t know who you are or what you look like. I don’t know when or how we’ll meet. I don’t know where I’ll be. But I do know that wherever you are will be my home.

I know that there will be times when we won’t be “in love,” but we will still love each other, because love isn’t a feeling as much as it is a choice, an action, an active verb. Love even means loving when you don’t feel like it. Going through the motions of love sometimes until the feelings of love return.

I do hope there are moonlit walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. I hope for fireworks and also for quiet moments. I can’t wait to feel you lying next to me, sleeping while I’m still not able to fall asleep over the wonder that you belong to me and I belong to you and that we both belong to Jesus.

Some days, you are harder to see than others, but my hope isn’t in you. It’s in God. Period. I hope you will love me, but I hope you will love Jesus more. I hope to love you, but not half as much as I hope to love Jesus. And I know neither of our loves will even begin to touch the love of the Father for each of us.

That’s what I’m hoping for.

 

The Story of Boaz and God’s Perfect Timing

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I heard a different perspective on the book of Ruth tonight at Kairos. It might as well have been directed solely at me, because it was perfect for where I am right now in my life.

Boaz was a righteous man. He did everything right, or at least he tried to, but nothing ever seemed to go his way. He had just about given up on finding a Mrs. Boaz. He probably settled for just being friends with the women in his life. Maybe he had a few relationships that started off where she seemed to be a good friend but grew more distant and guarded toward him as time progressed. Maybe he even got defriended on facebook for unknown reasons.

Maybe Boaz was a hard worker. He put in his 8 hours a day and gave his 110%, but still got downsized when the company wanted to increase its profit margin. Maybe he couldn’t find a job, even with all his education and experience, and felt like no one wanted what he had to offer.

Boaz never stopped trying to do the right thing in the right way, but probably wondered what the point was sometimes. It didn’t seem that he would ever catch a break. It seemed that his opportunity had passed.

I can relate.

The beautiful thing about God is that he doesn’t work according to a calendar. He doesn’t work according to my schedule or my timetable. Just because God doesn’t deliver by a specific date that I had marked on my calendar doesn’t mean that he never will. In fact, God has a way of dreaming bigger dreams for me than I could possibly imagine and what he gives in his own way and in his own time turns out to be much better than what I could have possibly ever have expected or hoped for.

The questions I’m asking are these: am I willing to trust in God’s moment of Kairos, that opportune moment of time he has for me, enough to be preparing for it now? Do I believe enough to act on it? Does my faith in God depend on him meeting my expectations and deadlines or is his own goodness enough for me to keep believing?

Boaz found Ruth. Interestingly enough (according to my own interpretation), Ruth initiated the relationship. She’s the one who got dressed up and went and laid down beside him. She’s the one who asked him to “cover me with your wings,” which I believe in ancient Hebrew culture was a way of proposing marriage. On a side note, when God says that he will cover us with his wings, it’s more than just keeping us safe. God is saying he will be a husband to us and we will be his bride.

I don’t know that even Boaz, or  Ruth for that matter, realized exactly how big God’s plans for them were. Out of their marriage came a great-grandson named King David, who himself had a great-grandson whose name is Jesus.

If Boaz hadn’t been ready or had really and truly given up, what would have happened. If Ruth hadn’t shown up or simply been passive, would we have had a Savior?

Thankfully, Boaz was ready and so was Ruth. The question for you is this: will you be ready when your moment comes?

The First Letter to My Future Wife in 2013

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I have a confession to make to you. I actually gave up on you for a little while. I gave up hope that I would ever meet you. But now I have hope again.

It may the tiniest bit of hope, but it’s there. It may not always be visible, but it’s strong enough to hold on to. I will never give up believing in you and praying for you until the day I meet you.

At this rate, we may both be 80-something and senile, but we’ll have fun– at least for a little while.

Don’t give up on me either. Don’t quit praying for me as I won’t give up praying for you. May we both commit to growing closer to Jesus and by that way grow closer to each other. May your first desire not be to find me, but to seek after and hold on to and treasure Jesus for all he’s worth. May that be my first desire, too.

I’ll be honest. Right now, meeting you seems like an impossibility, humanly speaking. But I believe that God is at his best at making the impossible possible. So I keep hoping. And praying. And waiting.

I pray that I don’t find you until I’m ready to love you like I’m supposed to love you. Like Jesus loved his bride and laid down his life for her. Like he will call me to love you when I meet you.

Until then, my hope is secure in the only place that can’t be shaken. It’s in God himself. I pray yours is, too.

 

 

Comparison Shopping

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cash register 3

You gotta love the new trend in internet shopping. I mean the one where you go to a website that helps you find the best deal on planet tickets, hotel rooms, or just about anything else you might want to buy. That’s where comparison is a good thing.

But I’ve found myself using comparison in a way that’s not so good. As in when I compare myself to some one else. I see someone who’s found true love and I wonder why I haven’t. I see someone who’s found a career that’s a perfect fit and who loves going to work every day and I wonder when that will happen for me.

I read somewhere that comparison is the thief of joy and contentment. Comparison either leads to pride when you think you’ve got something that the guy next to you doesn’t, or envy when the guy next to you has something that you don’t.

Comparison is always misleading because you never know the whole story. Appearances can be so very misleading. That man or woman you’re comparing yourself with may be happy in that one area, but struggling in another area that you don’t know about. He or she may actually envy you for something you have that he or she doesn’t.

If you have to compare yourself, compare yourself with where you used to be. Remember where you were and see where you are now. Look how far God has brought you. Look at what you’ve already overcome.

Rejoice for those who have what you don’t. Root for them and keep your eyes where they belong. And that’s on Jesus. He didn’t create you to live someone else’s life or be who he created them to be. He created you to live the life he custom-made only for you.

Your path is your own and no one else’s. Your timetable is your’s alone. You get where you need to be, not when everybody else does, but when in God’s perfect timing. Not a moment sooner and not a moment later.

In Search of Boaz and Ruth in the 21st Century (Yet Another Blog About Singleness)

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I had a good friend commenting on how she couldn’t find any men who fit the role of Boaz in the Bible. I have to agree. Not too many godly men stepping up and taking charge spiritually. There are lots of guys out there, but not nearly as many real men.

Then again, as a single guy, I have a hard time finding Ruths. There aren’t too many women pursuing godliness with a passion these days. As before, there are a lot of girls out there, but not too many real godly women.

Then I got to thinking on the way home. Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I’m not finding my Ruth because I’m not trying consistently to be a Boaz. I’m all for godliness and holiness when it’s convenient and cheap, but not so much when it takes time and costs me something.

If I’m looking for certain qualities in a mate, I need to have those showing in my own life. Or at least I need to be developing those characteristics. I can’t expect kindness in a future mate if I don’t show it myself. I can’t expect deep spirituality if I am shallow when it comes to the things of God.

I think this applies to married people as well. You can’t expect your spouse to be something you’re not willing to be. You have to own up to your part and change yourself before you demand change from your husband or wife.

I know I have a lot of work to do before I can call myself a godly man. Sometimes, it seems like an impossible task and I feel like I will never get there. But God is best at taking the impossible and making it reality.

So before you point the finger at the opposite sex, make sure you look in the mirror first and find out if you need to get your priorities right first. That’s all.

 

 

 

It’s in the Details

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“Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way” (Colossians 3:15-17).

I’ve had a hard time coming up with something to write tonight. That happens to me periodically. I search my brain for a memory or a word or a phrase I heard earlier to trigger an idea that becomes a blog, but I get nothing. I can hear the wheels in my head a-turnin’, but apparently the hampster has gone off to sleep somewhere.

I do know that it’s useless to spend your whole life waiting for the next big event. If you’re single, that means waiting until you find someone to date. If you’re dating, that means waiting until you are engaged and then married. If you’re married, it means waiting until the first child is on the way. And so on.

If you’re not careful, you get so caught up in looking ahead in anticipation that you miss what is in front of you. A smiling face. A kind word. A small blessing.

Those little things help you along the road to becoming the person who is ready for the next big event. How you treat the people around you now will determine if you’re ready for your next phase.

So be compassionate now. Love unconditionally now. Be content now. Trust God now.

He will take care of getting you to the next step.

 

 

Beauty and the Beholder

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Somehow, it seems to me that we’ve gotten it all wrong when it comes to romantic love. We look for the most attractive person we can find and hope that the attraction will lead to love.

But I think it’s just the opposite. Being loved makes you beautiful.

Think of the ultimate love that God has for us. His love calls out in us our best selves. His love calls out in us life and beauty and strength and wisdom.

If we are his children, then we can call those things out in each other, I think.

I heard a story of a guy who married a girl no one would ever have thought of as beautiful. But day after day, he called beauty out in her by telling her how lovely she was. In time, she came to be as lovely as he always said she was.

Ultimately, it’s not being lovable and lovely that brings us love. It’s in being loved that makes us lovable and lovely, as supremely evidenced in the transforming work of God’s love in us.

True beauty is beauty that lasts. It shows itself in kindness, gentleness, self-control, joy, peace, patience, and in so many other ways. It’s more than physical attractiveness which fades with the years. It’s about a beauty that’s within that shines out through a smile and a glowing countenance.

All this came from a movie. You may or may not have heard of it, but it’s called Enchanted Cottage and it’s about a man disfigured by war and a woman who is considered homely by just about everybody else, but love brings them together. Through looking with the eyes of their hearts, they come to see each other as handsome and beautiful.

That’s the way God has always seen you and me. May we as we grow in the love of God come to see each other that way.

A Letter to My Niece Lizzie

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You’re too young to read this right now, but one day maybe you will.

Today is your 1st birthday. It only seems like a few days ago that I was meeting you for the first time in the hospital room with your mother and father wearing smiles that stretched from ear to ear. I got to hold you for a little while and I think you grabbed my heart in your tiny hands and it’s been there ever since.

Today I and the rest of your family watched you eat your first birthday cake, getting more frosting all over your face and in your hair and on the floor than in your mouth. You had the biggest grin on your face. You were loving every minute of it.

You’ve already grown up so very fast, learning to crawl and stand up and say a few words. It won’t be long before you’ll be walking, then running, then asking for the keys to the car.

I hope you know already how much your mother and father and brothers love you. How much your grandparents love you. And how much your crazy goofy uncle loves you, too.

You’ll be the most photographed child in history. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you will have lots more photos taken of you. You’ll have videos taken of your first steps, your first day of school, your first soccer game, and so on. There will be birthday parties and slumber parties and field trips and vacations and so many things to look forward to.

If anything, I hope you come to know as soon as possible how much not only your family loves you, but how much God loves you. I know your parents are already showing you by word and by example.

I hope you know that you are a princess, because your Father is a King. I hope you will listen to what he says about you and don’t listen to anybody else who tries to tell you otherwise.

I hope you grow up into a beautiful young woman and find a godly young man who loves you more than his own life. I hope you get married and have children of your own that you can laugh with and tell stories to. I hope that you can pass the legacy of faith down to them just as it was passed to you.

I can’t wait to see you become all that God created you to be.

A Different Take on Weddings

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I went to the wedding today. It was lovely, as just about all weddings are. As usual, many people put a lot of time and thought and effort into the planning and preparation.

Many people would say that the wedding day is all about the bride. That it’s her day to shine and it’s all about her. I would disagree. It’s not the bride’s mother’s day either, even though she’s dreamed of this day since her girl was little and serving imaginary tea to her dressed-up dolls.

In my humble opinion, the wedding day is all about Jesus. Or it should be. Anyone who really understands the depths of marriage and all its symbolism knows that it’s more than just the union of two people. The Bible in Ephesians reminds us that marriage is a picture of just how much Christ loves His Bride, the Church, and gave everything for her.

A biblical marriage is a lived-out testimony to that great love of Jesus for the Church. It’s about two people coming together to not only serve each other, but to serve others in a way that’s better than they each could individually.

I haven’t been married, but I know that marriage is hard. Probably harder in this anti-marriage culture than ever before. Only two people under the Lordship of Christ and each in love with Jesus can not only sustain a marriage and thrive in it. Only the indwelling Spirit of Christ can overcome the innate selfishness of two people that really shows its ugly head after the marriage begins.

So I’m happy for both the bride and groom. Nothing gives me more joy to see the bride in all her radiance walking down the aisle, looking more beautiful than ever. Nothing makes me smile than seeing the groom’s face when he sees his bride for the first time in her wedding gown.

But nothing beats the joy that knowing when a wedding truly celebrates Jesus and exalts Him to His rightful place in the marriage. Nothing blesses my heart more than when a wedding ceremony is truly a worship celebration.

One day when I get married, I hope it will truly be celebration of the goodness and greatness of God. I hope that it’s not my bride’s day or her mother’s day, but a day that belongs most of all to Jesus.