learning

A Letter to Kim Kardashian

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Kim,

I don’t know if you will read this or not. Realistically speaking, I’m pretty sure you won’t, since you probably don’t have time to read blogs by people you don’t know who aren’t famous. But if by some extremely remote chance, you happen to stumble on this quaint little blog, I hope you know I’m rooting for you.

I know a lot of people will look at your decision to start a Bible study and question your motives. They will say you just want to hook up with Tim Tebow or give some other reason why you can’t legitimately want to read God’s Word for its own sake.

I am not one of those.

I hope you read the Bible and find all that God has for you in there. I hope you find God’s love letter to His people, including you, and how much He loved His people and what great lengths He undertook to win back His people lost to sin and death.

I hope you will find that true beauty is in what God says about you, not what some magazine or television producer says about you. God says, “I made you and that makes you beautiful, because I made you in My image.”

I hope you will know that Jesus loves you just for you, not because of what you do or what you wear or who you know. I hope you can find joy in the fact that Jesus looked at you in your worst moments and thought you were still to die for.

I hope you fall in love with God’s Word and want it more than anything else. I hope you are transformed by what you read and that every time you read the Bible, you put it down a different person than when you picked it up. More than that, I pray you will take what you read and live it out in compassion for the needy and love for those whom God loves.

I hope you understand that no matter what you’ve done in the past, God has a purpose for you. He can work in and through you to do some pretty amazing things that will blow you away.

Like I said before, I’m rooting for you and hoping you find the peace you’re looking for.

Signed,

A Ragamuffin who is just trying to tell others about the grace of God that he’s found

PS It’s still not too late, no matter how messed up your life seems right now. Jesus can still turn your mess into something beautiful.

Revisiting Forgiveness

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“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasinly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family” (Henri J.M. Nouwen).

When you don’t forgive and hold on to bitterness and anger, it’s like you’re drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Whoever hurt you may be completely unaware that they did anything and living in blissful ignorance while you’re still stuck in the moment of your hurt.

When you forgive, you open wide the doors to the prison cell only to discover that you were the one being held prisoner all that time by the past and by the pain you held on to for so long. The shackles you unlock were your own, the chain you forged in life while you nursed the anger and bitterness and were held captive by your hurt.

Forgiveness is where you realize that the wrong done to you pales in comparison to the wrongs you did to God, and the debt owed to you is like pennies in comparison to the millions you owed. You could never have hoped to even begin to pay for the debts your sin incurred, yet God freely and completely forgave you. How can you not forgive someone else who has wronged you?

Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it’s humanly impossible. Only a heart regenerated and transformed by Jesus can forgive. Only those who have experienced the amazing unmerited grace of Jesus can extend it to those who don’t deserve it. Only those who have been forgiven can forgive.

But if you call Jesus not only Savior, but Lord, forgiveness isn’t an option. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors.” In the parable of the ungrateful slave, Jesus points out that we get forgiveness only as much as we are willing to give it.

Learning to forgive is a lifelong process that we never really master. Some things and some people take longer to forgive because the hurt runs deeper and the scars are more fresh. But if you have been truly forgiven, then you will seek to forgive others. Sometimes, the hardest person you will have to learn to forgive is yourself.

Lord, give us each day more and more of Your heart that loves the unloveable and extends grace to those who need it most but deserve it least. Help us to forgive.

Turning 40: A Retrospective Look at My Past

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According to my iffy math skills, I have 49 more days left of my 30’s. Then I turn the dreaded 4-0. But according to Facebook, I have nothing to worry about. I’m supposed to die when I’m rollerblading at 95 and get hit by a car, based on the wisdom of a facebook application I used once. Apparently, my roller blading braking skills will still be non-existent 46 years later.

When I was in my 20’s, I knew a lot more than I do now. At least I thought I did. At that age, it’s very easy to confuse knowledge with wisdom. It’s very easy to have a faith that’s either all head-knowledge or almost solely emotion-based. But I digress. I had very definite ideas about theology and doctrine and dating (even though I didn’t date, which is probably why I was against it).

In my 30’s, I found out I knew less that I thought I did and was certain about even less. My black and white world suddenly had room for some gray areas. I still held to the essential basics of the faith, but I was able to live and let live over disagreements and not feel the need to win every argument or prove my side every time.

Now, I see more than ever my great need for God. I see more than ever what I would be like apart from the grace of God and what I see scares me. I see my need for grace every single day.

I have been learning forgiveness for others, but primarily for myself. I have learned how to fail gracefully and learn from it. I have learned to listen to my family and my friends and my brothers and sisters in the faith. I have learned to look for Jesus in those around me and when I find it, to imitate what I see.

Have I succeeded? By the world’s standards, probably not. But by God’s standards, I think so. I believe more and more every day that if you have survived up to this point and you’re still standing, that’s success. If you fall down more times than me when I tried to roller blade and get back up each time, that’s success.

I don’t know what the 40’s will teach me, but I’m ready for whatever God has for me. It may not be what I expect. In fact,  I can almost guarantee that what God has for me will be nothing like I thought it would be, but way better than I could have hoped for.

And it will be so much more than worth the wait.

Deep Thoughts

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Sometimes, you get a little philisophical driving home from a movie after midnight. You think deep thoughts, or at least I do.

Sometimes, I look back over what I thought I needed. I look back over what I thought I had to have to make me happy. I see that person I desperately wanted to like me, that would make life complete. I am so thankful that God said no to some of my prayers. I’m thankful He let me experience a little hurt to save me from a greater agony of getting what I thought I wanted only to find out it wasn’t what I needed.

I have come to the place where I can see that person I thought was for me and see them finding happiness with someone else and not only be happy for them, but pray for their success and joy. I can be glad when someone else gets what I wanted, when someone else has handed to them what I worked for.

Because it’s not about me. It’s not about me finding that special someone and starting a life together.

It is about Jesus. It has been, is, and will always be about Him. The verse says that I must decrese so that He may increase. I must get out of the way so that He can get in the way. I must let my dreams go, so that His dreams for me and the world can come true.

If Jesus never did one thing more for me than save me, then I would still not have enough lifetimes to properly thank Him. Not even an eternity of thanksgiving and praise would be enough. If I had used up all my blessings already (as one pastor put it), then I would be good.

So, I come to you Jesus with open hands. I hold all my relationships and possessions not with clenched fists, but with open hands, palms facing up. If you leave them in my care a little longer, You are good. If you take them away, You are still good. If all I get from You is You and the next breath of air, that will be enough.

Jesus, You are enough.

Amen.

An Advent Plea Day 3

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“Oh, come, oh, come, our Lord of might,
Who to your tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times gave holy law,
In cloud and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!”

For us who are weak and frail, come to us, Emmanuel, in Your power and might.

For us who keep making promises that we fail to keep and vows that we never fulfill, come to us, Emmanuel, who fulfilled both Your end and our end of the Law.

For us who struggle through bad days where everything goes wrong and nothing goes as planned, where it is all we can do to survive through the next moment, come to us, Emmanuel.

For us who have come to realize that we will never change or break old habits or start new godly ones without Your indwelling Life lived inside us, come to us, Emmanuel.

For us who have a path littered with little golden calves and homemade idols of power, success, fame, popularity and all the other gods we’ve tried to replace you with, come to us, Emmanuel.

We who stumble in the dark need Your Light. We who are drowning in a sea of voices all around us that confuse us and cause us to lose our own identity need to hear Your still small voice that can silence all the other voices and remind us of our true selves, who we are in You. Only You can bid the chaotic waves in our hearts and minds be still and bring peace to our inner world.

Come, Lord Jesus, come to us.

Going Deeper

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I’m not one to call myself a prophet or to claim I receive prophetic words from God. I think He speaks to me, like He did today, but I’m not the one to judge whether what He said to me was prophecy. The word was “Go deeper.”

That’s what I believe the Spirit of God is telling the people of God: “Go deeper.”

You can stay in the shallow end of your faith and stay comfortable and have one foot in the kingdom of God and one foot in the flashy, multimedia world. You can stay where the water is only ankle-deep and where what you say doesn’t have to match up with how you live.

But You will always live defeated. You will always be a victim and never a victor. Your worship will always be dead, your prayers cold, your Bible just words on a page. You will always be ruled by fear and doubt. You will always give in to temptation and never see deep healing in the deepest , darkest places of your heart.

Going deeper means that maybe you have to sacrifice the hip and trendy crowd for the homeless and the broken crowd. You may stop hanging out with the oh-so-cool artsy crowd and go to the outcasts and the hurting and the shamed.

Going deeper means trading in a feel-good sentimental kind of love for a selfless sacrificial kind of love. It means that you give without any expectations of ever getting back. It means you are willing to lay down your life in a million tiny deaths each day.

Going deeper means that you say YES to Jesus, no matter what. You go where He says go, you give what He says give, you love who He say to love, and you do what He calls you to do.

I will be the first to admit that I have been a casual fan of Christ far more than I have been a follower. But that’s what going deeper means– to stop being a sideline fan who roots for the Home Team and be a follower who gets your hands and feet dirty and messy, but find out that those are the very hands and feet of Jesus touching, reaching, and healing a broken world through you.

This isn’t my normal positive, encouraging blog. This is my blog that says that if you want to know more of this love that is deeper than your sin, wider than your understanding, and higher than your imagination, you have to surrender.

As always, I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody. I’m just one beggar telling other beggars where to find the Bread of Life. I’m a ragamuffin who has joy because my Abba Father calls me His beloved.

A Prayer for My Friends Tonight

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God, I bring my friends before you tonight. I know that You know what they need better than I do and even better than they do.

God, they are burdened and heavy-laden with work and with school, with spouses and with romantic relationships, with family and friends.

Grant them Your perfect peace tonight and enfold them in Your arms so that they can feel You near to know that You are just as near when they can’t feel You.

Grant them the joy than transcends circumstances and events, good or bad. Joy that can only come from You and that other people can only attribute to You.

Give them wisdom in their friendships. Bring people into their lives who will draw out the God-colors in them and inspire them to hunger and thirst after righteousness and to above all yearn for Jesus more than life itself.

Remove the people who hinder them being who You called them to be. Lord, even me, if I am a hindrance to Your work in their lives. Give them the grace to let the people go who You take out of their existance.

Above all, give them a single passion and vision: to follow hard after You, regardless of what it costs or what anyone else around them thinks. May they see only You and love only You. May their love for others be Your love flowing through them.

Lord, cause Your face to shine on them and be gracious to them. Take them to the lowliest people and let them be Your hands and feet to those who will never be able to repay what You do to them through my friends.

I pray for success and prosperity and good fortune for my friends. More than that, I pray intimacy and a deeper, wilder love for You, even if it comes at the expense of success and prosperity and good fortune.

Thank You for my friends. May they know how grateful I am. Much more than that, may they know each and every day and all through the night how You love them and how fond You are of them and how You call them beloved and how You are their Abba Father. May they each hear the sweet sound of You singing with joy over them in the deep waches of the night.

That’s my prayer for them tonight. Amen.

Blessings for 2011 (So Far)

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“‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?” (Laura Story)

Sometimes, blessings from God don’t look like I think they should. Sometimes they don’t come wrapped in prosperity or popularity. Sometimes they come wrapped up in heartache and hardships. Sometimes they look like anything but blessings on the outside.

I had a friend pass away recently after battling brain cancer for 2 years. That doesn’t seem like a blessing on the surface.

My grandmother fell and broke her hip a little over a week ago and has a long road of recovery ahead of her. That certainly doesn’t look like a blessing.

I’m not saying that death and hardships are blessings, but that blessings are wrapped up in them for those with eyes of faith to see them.

I see blessings. I’m thankful to be reminded that this life isn’t forever and we’re not meant to stay in this imperfect, fallen, broken world. I’m thankful that while God chooses to heal us in this life, that every time He heals completely when someone crosses into eternity.

I’m thankful that I woke up this morning, healthy and happy. I’m thankful that I had access to clean water, shelter, clothing, and transportation, because so many people don’t. In fact, from a global perspective, having all these things make me wealthy. Even though I never considered myself rich, I am.

I’m thankful that God puts people in my life that sometimes I don’t truly appreciate until they are no longer there or until they are unable to give the way they once did. I’m learning to thank God every single day for these family and friends who made me who I am today and who I can never, ever hope to repay.

I’m mostly thankful that I know Jesus is still in control. I’m thankful that one day He will set things right. One day, He will wipe every tear from our eyes. I like to think that God turns all our tears into diamonds that Jesus sets in our crowns that we lay at His feet.

I’m thankful for all these blessings that came through trials and tribulations. I’m thankful that after all the suffering and heartache and troubles end, that the blessings still remain.

Thank You, God.

Lessons Learned This Past Week

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I am definitely not above learning new things and even being reminded of some old things I learned long ago but had forgotten. God reminded me of a few things again this past week:

1) Don’t take it for granted that those you love will always be around to hear you say the words, “I love you.” It’s easy, at least for me, to look at my family and friends and think that they will always be around and will always be as strong and healthy as they are now.

2) Life is precious. Treasure it and treasure those in your life while they’re in your life. Say the words so they can hear them and don’t assume they know.

3) Give the people in your life, family and friends,  every benefit of the doubt. I know I’ve listened to my fears about my friends and have been lied to. I choose to listen to the Voice of Truth that says that love hopes and believes the best for people and doesn’t assume the worst. The Voice that says that that kind of love wins.

4) Ferris Beuller was right. You should stop every now and then and look around. Life is short and many people who are trying to keep up with a day planner and make plans for living miss it. Sometimes, you have to sit at Starbucks and drink a peppermint mocha and just listen and watch.

5) God has a way of getting your attention that may not always look loving, but it is. If everything in my life went exactly as I wanted and no one in my life ever got sick or grew old or had pain, I probably wouldn’t see my need for Him. I’d probably go and do my own thing without even the remotest thought of God in my head. The fact is that I still live in a fallen world with the fallout from sin all around me (and sometimes in me as well). I need God every single second of every single day of the rest of my life.

That’s all. I know I’ve said this before, but if this blog was only just for me, it was worth it. I found healing just now getting these thoughts out. I hope you do, too.

Dear Friend

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Dear Friend,

I’m so thankful that you chose to be friends with me. It really is more than I deserve. Every time I count my blessings, I count you and I thank God for you.

You showed me what joy looks like. You showed m what kindness looks like. Most of all, you showed me what Jesus looks like, because I saw Jesus in you.

I just wanted to let you know a few things.

I’m not about to stop praying for you. I’m not about to stop praying and believing God’s best for you. I’m still convinced that God has great plans for you and He will use you in ways that will amaze and astound you.

I’m not about to quit counting you as my friend. By the grace of God, I plan on sticking around for the duration and being the best friend I can be to you and being Jesus to you the same way you were Jesus to me.

There will always be an empty seat at Starbucks and a coffee drink with your name on it. I may not be at my wittiest or most clever, but I promise to listen to what you have to say and encourage you in any way I can.

If you decided you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore and never wanted to see me or talk with me ever again, I would still look on you as a blessing. No matter how long I live, I will always be grateful and thankful for your friendship.

I pray tonight that the God of all peace will surround you and hold you in His embrace. I pray you will hear the sweet voice of Him singing over you in the night. I pray you will wake up in the morning mindful again of new mercies and fresh grace.

Thank you for being my friend.