God

Good Conversations

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I had a really good conversation with a good friend I’ve known for a while today. It was at Starbucks, so of course quality beverages were involved. In this case, it was two chai frappachinos with caramel on top. I highly recommend one if you ever get the chance.

It was one of those conversations that makes you a better person. It was one where I realized again just how blessed I am to have friends like this. I truly believe that I will look back 50 years from now and see that I am more like Jesus because of conversations like this one.

What will you remember about your conversations 50 years from now? Will you remember anything worthwhile that you said or heard? Will you be able to point to those times where you changed for the better because of the healing and encouragement and blessing spoken into your life?

I know I am who I am because of God speaking life into me through so many friends and family members. Not all the words were easy to hear, but every word carried the power of God to transform and renew me.

Thank you, friend, for blessing me every time I see you. It’s because of you and others like you that I am finally able to see myself and love myself the way God does and love others the same way.

May you be blessed a thousand times over for your words of comfort and kindness to me. May you never forget how fond your Abba is of you and always feel His smile of approval over you in everything you say and do.

The same goes for all of you reading this right now.

 

Sometimes

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I really, really hate to admit this after all my talk of how God has healed me in the past. It feels like I’m pulling a fast one on you after I’ve announced to everyone how God has been delivering me from my fears. But here it is.

Sometimes at night when I’m tired, I get overwhelmed for a moment by fears.

I fear that this time I really have said or done the absolute stupid and wrong thing and a particular friend is gone for good. He or she has un-friended me and taped a picture of me to a dartboard for target practice.

I fear that I will always be single because no girl will ever find me attractive or desirable and I will always be left with this unfulfilled longing inside of me.

I fear that I’m really not good at anything and really won’t ever find a career that really makes me come alive to who God created me to be.

I think the difference this time is that I can name these thoughts as lies. It may not completely take away the panic and the pain, but it helps when I see these thoughts for what they are and their true origin from the father of lies.

I know now that most of the time a good night’s sleep will help these fears go away. Sometimes, it’s a glass of warm milk. Sometimes, it’s just practicing deep breathing. Sometimes, it’s saying, “Abba Father” over and over. Sometimes, it’s resting in the eternal Arms of my Abba Father and listening as He sings over me to calm my anxiety.

It’s okay for me to have setbacks and regressions, because they keep me grateful and thankful for the times when I am living out of faith and not fear. And those times are more and more prevalent.

There will always be something to fear. There will always be those moments when you give in to that fear. The question is: Can you name that fear for what it is and claim the promises of Jesus over it? Sometimes, you have to claim them out loud, but even when you don’t have a voice to speak them out, they are still powerful and true and for you.

Perfect love casts out all fear. In my case, perfect Love is casting out all fears, one at a time. I hope you find this to be true for you. Because the freedom is so much more than worth it.

It’s So Amazing

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“We should be astonished at the goodness of God, stunned that He should bother to call us by name, our mouths wide open at His love, bewildered that at this very moment we are standing on holy ground” (Brennan Manning)

It’s so amazing when you discover that there is more to life than stuff, when you find yourself no longer owned by your possessions, but you can hold them with open hands, ready to give everything up if Jesus asks you to.

It’s amazing when you see your dreams denied or delayed and you find that you’re not falling apart. You find that your trust in Jesus is stronger than ever and that even if you never see another dream come true, you would be okay.

It’s amazing when you are finding yourself losing the need to please others all the time. When you realize that you’re moving from approval-addiction to the freedom of of finally being yourself and finding out that the “real you” you were so afraid of anyone seeing is the one God uses to encourage and bless others. It’s mind-blowing when you find out that people really like you for you and not just what you bring to the table. I am living proof that God can change anybody at anytime anywhere.

It still amazes me that God looked at me out of all the people in the world and said, “That’s the one I want on my team. That’s the one that I choose to set my affections upon and make like my Son Jesus.

It amazes me even further that God could ever use me to do His work. That God would even want to use me for any reason. I get to be a part of His radical love revolution in the world and I get blessed so much more than I ever could be a blessing.

It absolutely blows my mind that God has surrounded me with such amazing and beautiful and wonderful people. I love the people I call family, whether they are blood-related or just Jesus-related. I am finding healing and wholeness and joy because of the Jesus I see in you. You rock.

It’s the most incredible thing in the world that God can take anybody at anytime, no matter how scarred or broken, and make that person not just better or improved, but a whole new creation. Something like the world has never seen before and something so glorious and astounding the angels clap and cheer and shout for joy over.

I’m living proof of that.

Sticking Around

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A few days a go, I posted that one of my greatest fears is that in any relationship I have, the other person will see my flaws and hang-ups and issues and decide that I’m really not worth it anymore.

That’s been a fear of mine for many years. No matter how far I’ve come in God’s healing process, that’s a fear that’s been hard to dislodge.

I have admitted that I’m broken. And I’m not alone. We all are. Some are just better at hiding the scars than others.

Well, this is one broken guy who’s telling you it’s okay to admit that you’re broken. It’s okay to confess that you’re not living out of faith but out of fear most of the time.

For me, it’s still a day to day thing. Every time that old fear rears its ugly head, I have to remind myself what fear stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. This particular fear is based on a lie that I am not good enough and not worthy of my family or friends. That I don’t have what it takes.

I’ve made a promise to you not to give up on you, regardless.  I do this because God made the same promise to me.

I’m telling you what God’s been telling me. You are good enough. You do have what it takes. You are accepted and loveable just for you. Jesus thought you were to die for.

I will keep telling you until you believe it. It may take you as many times as it took me to finally grasp it not just intellectually with my head, but on a deeper emotional level in my heart.

I will never stop telling you that God is for you, on your side, rooting for you, not giving up on you, but working on you until you become everything He created you to be.

As I’ve said before (one of my favorite quotes from any book I’ve ever read): I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody.

That’s me. A nobody in the world’s eyes, but Beloved in my God’s eyes.

Voices

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I heard a provoking question tonight at Kairos. What does your voice tell you?

I’ve never thought about it this way, but usually those kinds of voices never tell me anything good or positive.

Things like “You’ll never amount to anything,” or “You really are a nobody.”

If you try to take steps to make your life better, the voice will say both “Who are you to do that?” and “If you’re gonna try, it has to be perfect or it’s no good.”

My voice that stuck with me for the longest was “If people really knew the real you, they wouldn’t want anything to do with you,” with the close second being “No girl will ever find you attractive so don’t even think about dating.”

Those voices don’t ever go away by you ignoring them. They only get louder that way.

The best way to get rid of those voices is to drown them out with another Voice. The Voice of Truth.

This Voice says, “You are my beloved. I love you just as you are right now where you are.”

The Voice says, “You are good enough and smart enough and beautiful enough because you are My masterpiece.”

The Voice says, “I am your Abba Father and I am very fond of you.”

Sometimes when you can’t hear that Voice, you need someone who will remind you. Sometimes, you will be the one to remind someone else.

I have family and friends who remind me daily of what God sees in me and what He says about me. I try to help people see themselves the way God sees them and hear what God says about them.

This is a repeat, but it it is also my mantra (or one of them): What you think and what you feel will lie to you, so you go with what you know. You go with the promises that God has spoken over you and what He has said about you being wonderfully and fearfully made.

You recognize that voice in your head for what it is and renounce it as the mouthpiece of the father of lies.

May you have ears to hear the good things your Abba Father is saying about you tonight and every day after.

Baggage Part II: Polaroids of the Past

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If you’ve lived long enough to make at least one incredibly stupid decision, you’ve got some of these. Maybe you’re like me with lots of small regrets, moments of time captured in your mind as clear as the images on a polaroid.

They call it flash bulb memory, where you can remember every single detail of a certain moment in time where something in your life changed. Those happen in good moments, in tragic moments, and most of all, in moments where you and I screwed up.

Maybe you are like me and have been carrying around a suitcase full of those images for years. The suitcase keeps getting heavier and heavier as you compile more polaroids of shame and guilt. More moments you would give anything to go back and undo.

Jesus wants those polaroids. Not for the reasons you think. He’s not going to be shocked or surprised by what He sees. He knows about each and every one. In fact, He was there when they happened.

He wants all of these pictures, not to hold them over your head every day or to make you feel perpetually ashamed. He wants to take them from you and case them as far away from you as possible. As far as the east is from the west. As far as the heavens are above the earth.

I am not my mistakes. Neither are you. Who I was in my weakest moments is not who I am. The way you acted all those years ago isn’t really you anymore. If anyone is in Christ, he or she is a brand new creation. Not a better you, but a completely new you.

It’s time to stop being weighed down by the past and start walking in the freedom that comes with new mercies and clean slates each morning. It’s time to really live in the freedom Christ purchased for us, the condemnation-free life that is now ours.

Baggage Part I: Letting Go

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Who doesn’t have baggage? I certainly know I do. I’m pretty sure anyone who is over the age of 5 and who still has a pulse has accumulated some kind of baggage over the years.

What is my baggage? Probably right now, I’m carrying around the constant need to be validated, affirmed, approved, and liked every single moment.

I find myself at the end of conversations thinking I’ve said or texted the absolute wrong thing and ruined the relationship. Things like, “Did I really just end the conversation with ‘Text me’? Is it even possible for there to be a lamer ending to a conversation?”

I think I let go of a little bit of my baggage tonight. I think I’ve finally come to the point where I may not trust myself to keep my relationships alive, but I know that God will keep the right people in my life for as long as they need to be there.

I’ve mentioned before that I am a work in progress. I’m 4o and my dating history reads like a black comedy or a tragedy (either one works, so take your pick). I haven’t had a real girlfriend since I was 5 (her name was Carrie, by the way).

I think I’m more comfortable with my own path and not trying to hijack God’s plan for someone else. I’m learning to enjoy the process and the journey and not be so OCD about the destination.

I think I’m learning that I don’t have to be clever or witty (or even overly coherent) for God to speak through me.

I’m finally learning to be patient with my own process and who I am becoming. I’m more patient with the shortcomings of others, because I’ve seen so much of my own and I’ve seen how very strong God can be in my weakness.

What is your baggage? You have a choice. You can either hold on to your shame and guilt and fear and anger or you can hold onto Jesus, but you can’t hold on to both. And yes, I borrowed that one from Mike Glenn.

You don’t have to carry that baggage forever. You don’t have to let it define you or be a pemanent part of your wardrobe. It all begins with saying, “I can’t do this anymore. I need you, Jesus, to take this and carry it for me.” It may be a process, but it’s so much fun to feel the weight fall off.

May you find that what you’ve carried all this time is one day no longer a part of you. May you find more and more freedom in Christ. May you hear and believe the words at this very moment that “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Amen.

Why Fairy Tales Last

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I saw Snow White and the Huntsman, based on the fairy tale, tonight in the theatre. I think for me there’s still something about a fairy tale well told that still tugs at my heart strings.

It’s more than just a damsel in distress. Or at least I think so.

We’ve all at some point pricked our fingers on a spindle or taken a bite of that apple. Suddenly, we find ourselves dead inside and out.

You and I need to be rescued. We need Someone strong and brave enough to fight for us. Someone who’s not afraid to die for us.

That’s the Gospel in a nutshell.

I love the story where Tolkien finally wins C.S. Lewis over when he tells him that the Gospel is a myth, but at the same time, a true myth.

I read a book recently that spoke of the Gospel as a tragedy, a comedy, and a fairy tale. The last third of the book made my heart come alive inside my chest. The idea of the Gospel being a fairy tale come true is something most of us have never thought or dreamed of, but that’s what it is.

We get the Rescuer. We get to be Princes and Princesses, royal children of the King of the Universe. And we get the happily ever after (read the last chapter of Revelations if you need proof).

That’s why fairy tales will never, ever go out of style.

Sometimes I Wish . . .

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Sometimes I wish I were my cat for one whole day. I could sleep 23 out of the 24 hours in the day, take a wild 15 minute romp through the house, and spend the remaining 45 minutes eating and reposing (not to mention the occasional litterbox visit). That would be a good day.

Sometimes I wish Monopoly money were real. Then I’d be rich, but then so would everybody else with the Monopoly boardgame and gas would probably go up to $10 a gallon. Never mind.

Sometimes I wish people would break out of their ruts and familiar crowds and places and branch out to new people and places. Yes, I’m including me in this little wish.

Sometimes I wish life were like the movies where love and fortune drop in your lap and you spend the rest of your days in a happily ever after that requires no effort or sacrifice. Then again, I would take it for granted and it wouldn’t mean much.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and do a few things differently and make different choices. But then I realize that every single choice I’ve ever made has led me to this point, surrounded by the best family and friends any guy could ever ask for. So I’ll stick with my original choices. Final answer.

I wish a lot of things. Most of them won’t ever come true. Wishing and dreaming without a plan is just fantasy. Or worse, it’s delusional.

What are you doing to make your wishes come true? Better yet, what am I doing?

I am probably the world’s worst when it comes to actually starting a plan and seeing it through. Kinda like the lame joke about joining Procrastinators Anonymous . . . . tomorrow.

The key reality in all this is that God’s still very much in control. I make my plans and plan my future, but God directs my steps. I can look back and see that I could have chosen differently many times in my life, but I can see where every choice I made ended up leading me right where God wanted me to be all along.

After reading what I just wrote, I wish I didn’t have ADD. But sometimes random is more fun than normal.

By Faith

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I am an optimistic and positive person for the most part. I usually see the glass half full. Unless it’s when I’m really thirsty, then the glass is empty, ’cause I just drank it all.

Sometimes, I have serious doubts. Sometimes, it feels like my dreams and goals are just out of reach and nothing will really ever change. Sometimes, I’m not even really sure what it is I’m reaching for.

Everybody has those times, if they’re honest. Everybody doubts, everybody questions, and as the old R.E.M. song says, everybody hurts.

The question is, Will you still believe even when common sense tells you not to? Will you speak your faith even when you don’t feel it and the words coming out of your mouth feel fake and fraudulent? Will you still hold on?

The old cliche is true. It really is darkest just before the dawn. I’ve found that just when I feel like I’m at my lowest ebb, that’s when I see God moving in my circumstances and in my life.

The promises of God are just as true in the dark as they are in the light. He is just as faithful in the storm as in the sunshine. He is just as near when you can’t feel Him as when you can.

I’ve said it before many times, but it’s true. What you think may lie to you. What you feel may lie to you. But God won’t. Ever.

So many people in the Bible had times when they felt God’s promises were hopelessly out of reach. I think about David and Abraham as examples. David when he was running for his life from Saul and Abraham when he and Sarah were still childless and eligible for Social Security.

But they held on to the promises of God even when everything in them (and probably everyone around them) told them not to, and that faith was rewarded in the nick of time in God’s perfect timing.

May you and I hold on as tenaciously and as stubbornly as they did.

It will be so much more than worth it in the end.