friendship

For a Good Friend

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This is for you, my friend who will remain anonymous but not forgotten:

I know that you’re getting ready to move to a new city in a few months and a brand new adventure in the story God has authored for you. I know I probably won’t see you anymore, unless God has a surprise twist in the story that I’m unaware of (and he’s better than anyone at that sort of thing).

I wanted you to know how very thankful I am for you. Your friendship truly has blessed me more than you will ever know.

You believed in me and my blog when it seemed that no one else did. I had almost decided to quit when you encouraged me by telling me how much my blogs had blessed you. You helped me believe in myself and the gifts God gave me again.

No matter what I was going through or what my day had been like, seeing your smiling face always made my day better. I couldn’t help but smile and be filled with joy.

We never hung out that much. You had a crazy hectic schedule that probably could have benefited from having a 26-hour day instead of the usual 24. While I wish we could have hung out more, I’m grateful for the times we were able to get together and talk and share stories of God’s faithfulness.

You’re the kind of person that has hundreds of friends, that anyone would be lucky to know. I’m still not sure why you wanted to be friends with me in the first place, but I’m glad you did. I’m better for it.

I heard once that a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. You reminded me of my song that I had forgotten and, thanks to you and a few others, I am singing again.

I hope we can keep in touch after you move, but if not, I still have your footprints in my heart to remind me that God still does bless me, because one of those blessings was you.

I will be praying God’s best for you, believing great things for you, and rooting for you every step of the way. I firmly believe that the future God has for you is better than even your wildest dreams can conceive.

May the Lord always bless and keep you and make his face shine on you and grant you peace. Every time I order a chai frappacino with caramel drizzle, I will think of you and smile.

Phil. 1:3,

Your forever friend in Christ.

Friends And All That

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I love the TV show Friends. I’ll admit that. I love the characters and how they interact and how while relationships and love interests come and go, that core group of friends remains intact. Well, at least it did for 10 seasons. But it seems that just about everything good comes to and end on this side of heaven.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friendship. I know I am still a novice when it comes to being in a friendship that goes beyond the surfacy “How you doin” kind of relationship. I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I try too hard and say the wrong thing or press too hard.

I’m starting to see that not every friendship will last forever. Not every relationship should.

I don’t mean that the relationships are bad or toxic or destructive. I don’t mean that something bad will happen to mess up a good thing.

What I mean is that sometimes God puts people into our lives for a limited time. Some are there for 5 minutes, some for 5 months, some for 5 years and some for 50. That’s just the way God intended it.

I may only have one or two meaningful conversations with you and never see you again, but walk away a better person because of those conversations. That relationship has served its purpose.

It’s not up to me to sustain every one of my relationships. If that person is meant to be in my life, God will keep him or her there. He or she will be around. That’s not to say that I can’t do my part to be supportive and encouraging and a good listener. But I don’t have to worry constantly about ruining the relationship.

Honestly, that epiphany has lifted a proverbial weight off my shoulders. I don’t have the anxiety of worrying if my friends will desert me after they find out what a humongous goober I am. At least I have a lot less anxiety in that regard.

I can only do my part and be the best friend I can. I can’t worry about how the other responds or about how much or how little of an impact I have on the other person. I can try to be Jesus and leave the results to God.

I have an awkward confession to make. I took one of those “Which Friends Character are You Like?” quizzes on facebook a couple of years ago. I was sure I’d be like Ross or maybe even Chandler or possibly Joey. I ended up being most like Phoebe. I never saw that one coming. But I can see that spontaneous free-spirit sometimes. And I do so like smelly cats.

So I can watch re-runs of Friends and be grateful for the friends I have while I have them. So can you.

It’s The Little Things

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I’ve come to a few conclusions in my time. One of them has come to me recently.

I’ve always been a fan of the epic movies like Lawrence of Arabia or Braveheart or Gladiator, with big battle scenes behind a massive soundtrack and bold and daring actions. Life is sometimes like that. But most of the time it’s not.

Most of the time, courage isn’t the absence of fear, but being afraid and still taking the next step of faith anyway. It means shutting your ears to what those fears are telling you and choosing in the moment to believe what God has been telling you all along about yourself, your friends and family, and your circumstances.

Most of the time, faith isn’t doing incredible deeds like leading masses of people to Christ or flying halfway around the world to be a career missionary. It’s going next door and doing a small act of kindness for your neighbor. It’s moving out of your usual circle of friends and sitting with someone who looks lost and lonely.

Sometimes, belief isn’t supreme confidence that you know everything there is to know about God and His ways and how He will act. Sometimes, it’s a very small mustard seed. Sometimes, it’s the wavering confession amidst doubts that says, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

It’s not about big faith in God, but faith in a big God. The saying goes that it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. I say that sometimes, it’s about showing up even when you don’t feel up to it, when you feel utterly powerless and weak, when every part of you is telling you to throw in the towel and quit.

Those are the times that God shows up. When you are weak, the Bible says, that’s when the power of Christ is made perfect. Paul even goes so far as to boast in his weakness because he knows that God shows up strongest in our weaknesses.

Keep believing. Keep taking the small steps of faith. Keep holding on to that quiet courage that says you can try again tomorrow. After all, it really is the little things, the small things done with love that really matter in the end.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

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Someone asked me how I was today and my answer was “Blessed.” Normally, I say, “Fine” or “Okay”, but for some reason I felt compelled to say “Blessed” tonight.

Maybe it’s because I am blessed. I may not have a job and I may be perennially stuck on being single, but I have some great friends and I serve an even greater God who chose me and called me by name and loves me in spite of all the dumb things I do on a daily basis.

I think about Peter and how Jesus called him out to walk on water. Most people fault Peter for giving into fear and sinking, but the fact that Peter took a huge step of faith toward Jesus has to count for something. At least with me.

I’m thinking about something Mike Glenn said at Kairos tonight. He said you know it’s really God calling you when it’s something that you can’t do on your own. Like walking on water. Or going halfway around the world to serve as a missionary. Or just being faithful to Jesus where you are.

This season has been rough for me, but I have found healing and grace like I’ve never known before, both from the people around me and from God. I have seen shackles of fear and doubt fall away and found how awesome it is to walk in freedom, no longer captive to the need to please others.

I have found that the best moments in life aren’t the ones you plan for, but those you never would expect. Like the old song says, “You can’t always get what you want, but you find sometimes you get what you need.”

The more I live the more in awe of God I am. The more I see my desperate need of everything He is. The more I can truly lift my hands in worship. The more I can hold the people and things in my life with open hands and not clenched fists.

The more I know that everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

 

A Desparate Prayer

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Have you ever been to a party and found out you were being socially awkward? Did you feel like you were trying too hard and forcing conversation and you imagined the other person was like, “Please, just stop talking before you hurt yourself”? Did you think to yourself, “Wow. Did I really just say that? What the heck?” and find that you couldn’t make yourself stop?

Have you ever felt like you were forcing a friendship or other relationship instead of letting God guide it in His own way? Did you feel that even you knew that God’s plan for the relationship was better that you couldn’t stop trying to take control?

Have you ever felt like no matter how you jumped through all the religious hoops, you never could pray enough or evangelize enough or worship loud enough to meet the exacting standards?

Then you probably know what the tax-collector felt when he prayed, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner.”

Note: He didn’t say that he was a sinner, one among many, but the sinner. Not just someone who messes up, but isn’t as bad as others, but the chief of sinners. That’s from the Greek.

Guess what? When you can pray that prayer and mean it, you are truly set free.

You are set free from trying to earn God’s approval, as well as the approval of others. You find that approval is already yours through the finished work of Jesus Christ. You find that you are good enough, because God says you are good enough.

If you’ve ever gone through a season where you can see your own brokenness, then you know that sometimes the only words you can find to pray are “Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.”

God says that He is close to the cries of the broken-hearted, those who know they don’t have what it takes in and of themselves. His strength is still made complete when we confess that we are weak and not only confess, but boast in that very weakness.

May that be your prayer today. “God, be merciful to me, the sinner.”

And go to fellowshipnashville.org to check out the sermon on which most of this was based. It’s amazing.

Judging

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Have you ever felt like someone passed sentence on you and wrote you off based on something you said or did? Have you ever felt condemned by another because you messed up once too many times?

Then you know not to judge another in the same way.

You never know what a person’s been through. You never know the whole story of the journey that person has been through and all that God has called them to walk through. If you did, you would probably celebrate how far they’ve come instead of passing judgment.

I’ve been guilty far too often of judging. I’ve thought, “This person really needs to read this or hear this” or “I sure wish God would convict them of this particular issue.” Would I want someone else thinking the same about me?

I know I’ve done and said and texted and posted enough to get me booted off people’s Christmas card lists. I certainly have done enough to warrent being voted off the island and having people write me off and give up on me. That’s why I never write anybody else off or give up on them.

Mike Glenn spoke at Brentwood Baptist Church this morning about how everybody’s got a list of people the world would be better off without. Before you make your list, remember that you are most likely on someone else’s list.

I love what Max Lucado said: “I choose gentleness… Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.”

Who knows? Remember you may not have done as well in someone else’s shoes. You might not have survived. And you may still yet be facing someday what that person has already faced and overcome.

So, I choose gentleness and grace and understanding over judgment and condemnation. I choose to bless rather than curse, to encourage rather than to criticize, and to be a blessing to somone instead of seeking blessings from that person.

What will you choose?

The Hardest Person to Forgive

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despair
I  recently messed up with a friend and spent the whole day beating myself up. Believe it or not, that’s an improvement over what I would have done a year ago. My whole day wasn’t ruined, at least.

I got admonished and I deserved it. I won’t go into details or name names, but I certainly had it coming. In fact, it was much more kind and graceful than I really deserved.

I kept running lines from the note through my mind and wishing I could go back and undo what I had done. I couldn’t and I can’t.

All this is to say that the person who most needs to forgive me is me. I hope and pray my friend forgives me, but I know that unless I do, I’ll be stuck and unable to move forward.

Did I mention I am hard on myself? I am better than I was. I used to be extraordinarily hard on myself, but I’ve eased up a bit in my old age.

If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, let me tell you you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way and I understand. You may think you never will come to that place, but I am living proof that you can and you will.

Just let the Word of Truth wash over you. Let Jesus speak healing over you. Remember that you are still His beloved, no matter what. He at least will never give up on you or quit wanting to be around you.

Anyway, that’s my confession session for the day. I pray it will speak to someone and bring deliverance where it is most needed.

5 Minutes

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I’ve been trying to lose weight and get in shape. Lately, that means putting in an hour on the elliptical. For me, that’s a lot.

Some mornings, I feel there’s no way I can last that long. So I try for the first 5 minutes. After that, I try for 10. And so forth. If I break an hour down into 5-minute segments, it’s not nearly so bad.

Life is like that.

Some days, you think there’s no way you can survive for the next 24-hours. You feel completely and utterly overwhelmed. Don’t try. Just take the next 5 minutes and breathe deeply and slowly and think to yourself, “I can survive the next 5 minutes.”

Sometimes, you are held captive by your fears telling you that you’ve really messed it up this time and that friend is gone for good. It’s tempting to try and fix what really isn’t broken (which never works, by the way). Or you take the next 5 minutes and are able to start seeing the cracks in the fabric of that lie.

You can do anything for 5 minutes. You can pray or be silent or wait. You can breathe slowly and deeply. You can remember one blessing God has given you and dwell on that.

When I’m stressed out and can’t sleep, 5 minutes of meditating on the goodness of God can make all the difference. It can take me from almost falling back into my old approval-addiction, “nobody likes me” trap to remembering that I am still blessed with family and friends who surprise me all the time in unexpected ways with grace at every turn.

So set your stopwatch or your phone for 5 minutes. It may be a small start, but sometimes all Jesus needs in your life is the smallest place to start. Then He can do amazing things in your life.

I am living proof of that.

 

Questions to Ponder

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I’m still thinking about Kairos Roots and some of the questions asked that night. I know with it getting up to 109 today, it’s probably still too hot to do any serious pondering, but here’s a few questions to mull over (if you still have the energy).

1) Who are you imitating? Who do you see on your television or in your social circles that you want to be like? I know a few people who have impacted me in such a way that I want to be more like them. Some are older, some are younger. The main thing for me is that I see aspects of Christ in them that I want more of in me.

2) How do you spend your time and who do you spend it with? Are the people you hang out with driving you to or away from Christ. Do they bring out the best or the worst in you? Do they bring out the Jesus in you?

3) Who do you take great pleasure and joy in? There are a few people in my life that whenever someone mentions their name, I automatically smile and my heart warms inside me. I thank God everytime their names come to mind.

4) Who are you investing in right now? Who is better off for knowing you and being around you? Are they more like Jesus from knowing you? Are they drawing closer to Christ through your influence?

5) Who is imitating you (and would you knowingly want them to imitate you)? When I say “imitate,” I mean they copy not just your best behavior when you’re really trying to impress people, but all your behavior, including what you say and how you act when life doesn’t go your way and you don’t get any breaks.

Some of the questions are more convicting than others. It’s easy to find people to imitate and who bless and encourage you, but much harder to be the kind of person you want people around you imitating. It’s not as easy to be the person who seeks to be a blessing and encourager more than seeking blessing and encouragement.

I have to remember this. Growing up is a lifelong process and if you don’t have it all down right now, you can be encouraged that at least you’re taking baby steps in the right direction. I will always be rooting for you and believing the best for you.

You can count on that.

Fountain Ramah Church

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A friend invited me to attend services at Fountain Ramah Church. She gave me directions because she doubted that my GPS would pick it up. She was probably right.

I drove down Blue Hole Road until it dead-ended, turned left then made an immediate left onto a gravel road. The first time, all I saw was a doublewide trailer with a fence around it and a no trespassing sign. So I went all the way to the other end of Blue Hole Road, turned around and came all the way back. This time I found it.

I stepped inside to what looked like a converted garage. There were chairs for probably 60 people. There was no typical-for-Nashville worship band of professional musicians. The singer was a bit off-key at times, but it was the purest worship I’ve experienced in a long time.

The preacher spoke with a heavy dialect and was hard to understand, but I have rarely been moved by a sermon as much as I was by this one. He spoke with a passion and fervancy that ignited something in me.

At the end, he prayed over some of the members. He laid hands on them and prayed blessing and protection and healing over them.

He motioned for me to come forward. I had to look around to make sure he wasn’t pointing at someone else. He laid hands on me and prayed for me to know my purpose. He prayed that my hands would be the hands that Jesus used to touch and heal people. I was moved to tears.

He prayed for my friend who is leaving for Colombia in about 4 weeks. He prayed protection and anointing over her. It was just like when the early church commissioned Paul and Barnabas as missionaries by laying hands on them and praying for them.

It was the closest to New Testament church that I’ve ever experienced. I was so blessed and encouraged and challenged.

To my friend who invited me, thank you. Thank you not only for inviting me, but also for being my friend. When I think of all the people who have impacted my life and made me more like Jesus, you will always be near the top of the list. I count you not only as my friend and my sister in Christ, but as my hero as well. May future generations rise up and call you blessed for your faithfulness to the call of Christ on your life.