friendship

Confession Session #3,908: Friendships And All That Other Stuff

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I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m not the best at relationships, especially friendships. I tend to either be overwhelmingly friendly or awkward. I think most people have a low Greg-tolerance and after they’ve reached that limit, they have to go home and wash their hair or feed the dog.

I know I overstay my welcome in certain conversations and the other person finally has to go home, put on some Barry Manilow, and lie down for a while. FYI: you can tell me in a nice way to shut up and go away if you need to.

I think I’ve lost a few friendships through being too weird or too goofy or too me. And some relationships have simply run their course and they have served God’s purpose in my life (and hopefully, the reverse).

In the past, I might have obsessed over those and wondered what I could have done differently. I might even have made a fool of myself trying to extend a friendship beyond its natural life.

After all that, I confess that I’m much better than I used to be. I try not to talk so fast and to not always talk about me. I’m learning to listen and not always be thinking about my next response. I’m growing in grace.

Jesus truly has been the friend that’s closer than a brother and he’s teaching me how to be a better friend. A better prayer warrior. A better empathizer. And hopefully, one day, a better husband and father.

So, I’m asking for grace from you. And I’m trying to give it in those moments when you need it. All the best relationships are based on grace and forgiveness and second chances and do-overs.

I believe that what goes around comes around. I also believe that the way you treat others indicates your love for God. People who love God and are secure in God’s love for them can’t help but be loving and forgiving and generous in their relationships.

I know a little of me goes a long way sometimes, so I’ll try not to overstay my welcome. And I’ll give you space when you need a break from me, ’cause there are times I need a break from me (said jokingly).

May we each be Jesus to each other and help each other as we all try to figure out this crazy life business. We really do need each other.

Spontaneous, Joyful Uncertainty and Expectancy

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“If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest).

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from life, is that almost nothing ever turns out according to my expectations. No conversation ever goes like I planned it in my head, no holiday plays out quite like I planned, and no day ever seems to be what I thought it would be.

I think my only expectations from 2013 are of God. Specifically, I expect him to show up in 2013. How? I have no idea. I only know that when I need him most, he’ll be there.

I’ve had unexpected relationships that I never saw coming. I’ve had friendships with people I never thought would even talk to me. I’ve also had friends move on and seemingly drop off the planet (or at least off my radar). For those of you who have moved on to the next phase of life, the friendship is still on and always will be. Count on it.

That doesn’t mean I sit back and do nothing. I think this year I have to prepared and ready for whatever God brings. As one of my favorite lines from a movie goes, I have to have my fields ready to receive the rain when it comes.

I know that whenever God has shown up in my life, it has never been exactly in the way that I expected, but it has always been better. It has never been when I expected, but it has always been at the perfect moment when I needed him most. God’s gifts to me haven’t been what I asked for; many times, they’ve what I needed and longed for but didn’t know it.

I know that whatever I go through in 2013, God is good. I know whatever the day turns out to be, God is faithful. And I expect that to be the same in 2014 and beyond.

Revolution, Anyone?

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revolution

I wonder what would happen if I ever ended up in a scenario like the TV show Revolution (on Mondays at 9/8 CST on NBC– shameless plug). The premise of the show is that all the power in the world has gone out and no one knows why and no one knows how to fix it. Everybody reverts to the pre-electricity days where you traveled by foot or by horse and took a long time to get anywhere. And everybody fights with swords and crossbows and throwing rocks and such.

If my internet doesn’t work right, I don’t know what to do with myself. Mostly, I stare at the wireless router, as if somehow willing it to work with the powers of my mind. Apparently, my extra-sensory powers were off today, because that didn’t work at all.

Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be without all the gadgets and devices. You know, those things that were supposed to be time-saving, but ended up being time-sucking instead. Most people seem to have their smart phones surgically attached and can’t go 15 second without pulling it out to check email of facebook (or to see if a certain ragamuffin has posted yet another awesome blog– another shameless plug).

I think life would be simpler. We’d actually have to communicate the old fashioned way– with words. Spoken words. Written words. The kind that people used for several thousands of years.

Don’t get me wrong. I love me some technology. That doesn’t mean I’m techno-savvy by any means. If my fail-safe fix-all solution, i.e. unplug, wait 30 seconds, and plug back in, doesn’t work, I’m out of ideas.

But if technology goes away tomorrow, I’d be okay. I’ve got enough books I haven’t read yet to keep me going until I’m at least 290. I really think I could learn to get used to walking to places instead of always getting in the car. I’d be a lot healthier.

All this comes from me on my laptop on my wireless connection. The irony is not lost on me.

Why I Am Not a Professional Card Player

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I have finally come to the realization. I will never be one of those guys on ESPN making the big bucks playing poker. I will retain my amateur status as a nertz card game player.

What is nertz? Suffice to say that it is an insanely fast card game that requires fast reflexes. And a bit of a killer instinct. Both of which are sadly lacking in my case.

Tonight, I finished in 4th place. Out of 4 players. I don’t think even cheating would have helped me in this game. There were times when I ended up with more cards than I started out with, even though I’m sure that’s mathematically impossible.

Too bad there’s not professional freecell. I’m much better at that game, mostly because I’m the only one playing and it requires no dexterity or quick thinking or killer instinct.

Maybe if I started snacking on Ruffles potato chips with ranch dip, I’d do better. On second thought . . . . nah.

 

Autumn Grace

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After church today, I ate lunch at one of my favorite restaurants in Nashville, Taco Mamasita. The weather was nice enough for me to sit outside, with a breeze just chilly enough to remind me that it was still fall. The kind that carries with it reminders of a summer past and a winter still to come.

Moments like these are good reminders that while it’s easy to lose perspective and focus on all the things I don’t have, life really is comprised of the small unexpected moments like this where I realize that I’m blessed to be alive and healthy enough to enjoy them.

I didn’t mind parking a couple of blocks away, because it was a perfect day for a walk. My only regret was not having my camera with me to capture the moment. As I took in the variety of colors of autumn leaves, I was reminded again that life is so transitory and precious to be taken for granted. The same goes for relationships. You can never go back and say the words you meant to say to someone if you don’t take the time to say them now.

If you go to Taco Mamasita’s, I recommend ordering the Caribbean Jerk taco with a side of Chipotle Turnip Greens. But honestly, you can’t go wrong with anything you order there. Yeah, it’s that good.

Take advantage of the fall weather while it’s still around. Go for a walk and breathe deep the autumn air and be thankful that you woke up today. Be thankful for the people in your life and make a point to let them know you’re grateful.

I’m thinking the next time I go there, I might try the General Homeboy taco (eventually, I hope to try everything on the menu at least once). Hopefully sooner than later. Only the next time, I’ll take my camera along.

Rainy Thursday Night Reminders

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uncle billy

Side note: I thought about titling this “The You-niqueness of You,” but decided against it, because I actually want people to read it.

I think sometimes we have a “one size fits all” theology when it comes to how God operates in people’s lives. Testimonies have to be bloody and dramatic and have a pivotal moment when the main character hits absolute rock bottom and has no where to go but up.

But not all testimonies are like that. Some people grow up around church and get saved at an early age, but it took just as much of a miracle to save them as it did the drugged-up alcoholic who comes to Christ after a near-death experience. Both are equally valid testimonies and both can reach people.

Jesus never healed people the same way twice. Every call for people to follow him was as different as the individuals he called. God’s plan for your life is as unique as you are.

Don’t ever let people force God’s call on their lives on you. Don’t let other people define your life by their (or some other arbitrary) standard. Your life and your ministry are your own.

I love a story I read in Johnny Cash’s autobiography. He relates a story about how a music executive was looking for the next Randy Travis. Johnny Cash basically told him straight up, “What’s wrong with the Randy Travis you have?”

You are not called to be the next Billy Graham and save millions of souls. You are not called to be the next Mother Teresa. You are called to be you, just as I am called to be me.

Honestly, sometimes I get discouraged because my life doesn’t look like someone else’s. But God’s plan for me is my own. It may not look like your’s or anybody else’s, but it’s still mine.

The only question is this. Will you be faithful to God’s call on your life? Will you obey what you know God is calling you to do right now at this very moment? Will you accept where God has you as a gift and an opportunity to reach out to the people he’s put in front of you?

Not Forgotten

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Do you ever sometimes feel like your friends have forgotten that you exist? Does it seem that they can make time for other friends but not for you? Do you feel ignored?

First of all, know that you are not alone. Many people have felt this way from time to time (including me).

Second of all, remember that it’s probably not a good thing to overthink it, especially late at night, because when you’re tired, you don’t think as clearly and things seem worse than they really are. Innocent remarks can take on sinister undertones at 2 am.

Third of all, God has not forgotten you. When you seem most alone, God still knows who you are and where you are. He knows your name, your true name, that no one else but he and you know. You are still on his mind and there is not a moment that goes by where he doesn’t think of you and love you and root for you.

So, if you’re having trouble sleeping tonight (like me), try some warm milk. Meditate not on what feels like the abandonment of your friends, but on the promises of God for you which are as good as done.

 

 

 

Chasing Cool

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Something we talked about at Kairos Roots made me think of the movie Clueless. I realize that the confession that I’ve seen the movie will result in my man-card being confiscated and quite possibly shredded, burned, and the ashes buried in cat litter, but I don’t care. It’s a good movie and there is a point to this.

In the movie, Brittany Murphy’s character starts off desperately trying to fit in and be what everybody else thinks she should be. I’ve done that. Sometimes, it’s like wearing shoes that are one size too small or clothes that may be in fashion but don’t really fit who you are (another hit to the ol’ man card).

The best part of the movie is when she finally is able to be comfortable in her own skin and be who she is, qurks and all, instead of trying to conform to everybody else’s ideas of who she should be.

I think many of us do that because we don’t think that the real you and the real me is good enough. We think nobody will like us if we present our true selves. But the burden of wearing masks and living somebody else’s life can be just as burdensome and overwhelming.

Can I set your heart at ease about this?

God made you and called what he made very good. He thinks you’re good enough. Not every single person in your life will think that way, but  the right people, the ones God puts in your life, will think so. Not only that, they will make a point to remind you and to call out in you those qualities and gifts and talents that you may not even see in yourself.

Surround yourself with these people. Look for those who bring out the best in you and lift you up and want to be around you because you’re you. Not those who want to mold you into something you’re not.

Also, look for those who might need your encouragement. Those who are walking down a path that you’ve already been down. Those who need to know that somebody believes in them and likes them for who they are without them having to play games or wear masks or jump through hoops.

The most powerful people on earth and the greatest examples of the power of the gospel are those who have found their true identity in Christ and are living out of that, empowered by the confidence that comes from knowing they are the chosen and beloved of God.

May we come to the place where we live like that.

Who Believes in You?

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“I will lead the blind by a way they do not know,
In paths they do not know I will guide them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These are the things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone.” (Isaiah 42:16)

There have been times in my life when I didn’t believe in me. I didn’t see any way that God could ever take my mess and make it into any kind of testimony that anybody would ever want to hear. It was at those moments most of all that God believed in me.

I truly believe that when you don’t or can’t believe in yourself that God believes in you, and he has enough faith for the both of you. He sees who you are at the core way better than you can, and he knows exactly what you will look like when he’s finished with you. And that’s enough.

Usually, that looks like people who come into your life who will believe in you when you can’t. Instead of criticizing your mistakes or telling you what steps you need to take, they offer support and encouragement. Sometimes, they have a double portion of faith for you when you just don’t have it for yourself.

I’ve had people like that in my life. Some are still around. Some were only there for a season. But God spoke to me through them and helped me find my own faith again.

Maybe that’s where God is calling you into someone else’s life. You’re called for a season to believe in someone who can’t believe for himself or herself. You’re there to call out all that God created him or her to be and help him or her see that.

There will inevitably come those dark nights of doubt when you think that not even God can save you, when you think you have passed the point where you can change or be fixed. That you’ll always be broken and unusable.

But in those moments, often God will send those people alongside of you to remind you of your song and help you sing it again. They will call your name in the midst of the deepest night and help you find your way out of the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death into life and light again.

May God give you the eyes of faith to see these people in your life and may you and I be such a person of faith for someone else until he or she can believe in himself or herself again.

Some Things Never Get Old

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There are a few things that never get old:

1) Friends who accept you for who you are, goofiness and all.

2) Cats sleeping contentedly in your lap.

3) When the Titans win, especially when they win in the last minute.

4) Fall weather.

5) Things that bring bring back childhood memories in droves, like carving pumpkins.

6) Knowing that the best is still yet to come.

7) Good books and good movies.

8) Grace.