doubts

Job Searching and Other Nonsense

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OK, for those just tuning in, I am on the prowl for a good job. Well, at this point, a job will do. It’s been a longer process than I thought it would be, but I’ve grown a lot in that time.

I actually had an interview with a company that would be a very good fit doing what I think would be a perfect fit for me. I think it went well. But I am generally not the best judge of those kind of things.

It can be nerve-wracking with the whole inner monologue going on in your head. That voice that says, “You will never find a job” or “You will have to settle for a job you dread going to every morning.”

If you manage to land an interview, the voice will say to you, “You won’t do well and you will say something to scare them off.” Even if you get the job offer, that voice will say, “You’re really not qualified for this job. You won’t last long before you screw up and get fired.”

For me, it was driving in my car on my way to a volleyball game that a sense of peace overwhelmed me. I knew in that moment that everything was going to be okay, whether I got the job or not.

God’s got a lot of practice giving His people the very best and working all things together for their good. A lot more than me, at any rate. He knows what’s best for me, often way better than I do, and He knows what job will be a good fit for me and what job will stress me out and make me miserable.

So all that to say, I’m in good hands. As I heard someone say, life is good and God is great. No matter what.

Fish & Chips & The Promises of God

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I was driving home from McCreary’s Irish Pub (one of my favorite places to eat in the world in case you’ve been living under a rock for the last year or so and weren’t aware). It was cool, almost fall-ish weather, and I had my windows rolled down listening to some old school dc talk ’cause I rock it like that.

I was thinking of the amazing fish and chips I just ate and reminiscing on a good sermon I just heard about the promises of God. Like the one Jesus spoke at the end of Matthew about how He would be with us always, to the very end.

It won’t always feel that way. God won’t always feel present. In fact, God will feel a million miles away sometimes. But I’ve learned that while feelings lie, God doesn’t. And He promised He wouldn’t leave or forsake you. Or me.

I have a lot of uncertainties in my life, like if I will ever get married or not (or just have a dating relationship), but I know at least one thing for certain. I can’t go where God’s not there. I can’t go where God’s not already waiting on me.

I plan on breaking out my running shoes tomorrow and doing a bit of jogging. I estimate it will take me 7 straight hours of jogging to run off the meal I had tonight, but it was so worth it.

I may not feel God near, because a lot of things can numb my ability to sense Him. Like unconfessed sins or addictions or uncaptured thoughts. But God is always near because He says He would be.

Faith has to be bigger than feelings or intuitions or sometimes even common sense. Faith is believing when common sense sometimes tell you not to. Faith is believing that God said it and that settles it. He doesn’t need my agreement for it to be so.

By the way, if you’re ever in historic downtown Franklin for any reason, check out McCreary’s Irish Pub. You won’t be disappointed.

 

A Good Reminder to Myself

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I talk to myself sometimes. Out loud. I tend to use a British accent so it’s more fun and less creepy.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of certain things. Repeatedly.

1) You are not your job (or lack of one). You are not your salary. You are not a title or a profession. You are exactly who God made you to be. And He said you were good.

2) God’s in the past where you messed up and where you got hurt, healing your wounds so they no longer bleed into your present (thanks to Mike Glenn for that one. He’s right there with you in your present. And He’s already in your future, waiting on you with plans that will blow your mind.

3) It’s okay to feel scared and unsure. It’s okay to have doubts because faith by its very nature comes with doubting. If we knew with 100% certainty, we wouldn’t need faith.

4) If you are loved and if you have friends, you are not a failure. If God loves you and calls you friend, then you have already won.

5) Whatever happened today, be it good, bad, or ugly, tomorrow is a new day filled with fresh possibilities and a clean slate. You can start over.

Maybe you’re having a great day and you’re loving life and everything is going your way. That’s wonderful. Maybe not. But everybody will at times go through storms. Everyone will go through deserts where your faith seems dead. Everyone will go through dark nights where God seems impossible to find.

No matter what your feelings or senses tell you, no matter what your circumstances tell you, God is there. He has not left you. He has not forgotten you. And He never will.

By the way, this blog is best read with a British accent. It sounds so much more sophisticated that way.

Just Relax

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I have yet another confession to make. I over-analyze everything. Well, most things anyway. I can wreck myself thinking too much about conversations I’ve had where I spoke and should have been silent or was silent and should have spoken. I’ve analyzed to death things friends have said that really didn’t mean what I thought they meant.

The word for today for me (and for you if you’re like me) is RELAX. Don’t over-analyze and don’t try so hard to force an outcome in your situation. Instead, enjoy the moment and watch expectantly for God to act.

I don’t mean veg out on the couch and eat bon-bons all day (or oreos, if you feel bon-bons aren’t manly enough). Live your life and have faith, or as Oswald Chambers said, “Trust God and do the next thing.”

God will act when He’s ready. When you’re really and truly ready and not when you think you are ready. In my experience, the longer the wait is, the better the surprise God has for you.

Sometimes, you wait until you think you can’t wait any longer. You hold out until you are absolutely about to run out of patience and strength and willpower. And then you wait some more. You come to the end of yourself and all your schemes and plans and the only prayer you can pray is, “Lord, help.”

The last time I checked, God was still sovereign. God was (and is) still in control. He still knows the number of hairs on your head and the number of tears you cry in the night. He more than anyone knows the secret desires of your heart and He more than anyone knows what will make you come alive and where you were created to be.

So relax. God’s got this. Like the old saying goes: there is a God and you’re not Him. I know for me, that’s a big load off my shoulders.

 

Thankful for You

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I’m thankful that you are you and not me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for me, too, but I’m glad there is only one of me. I’m not sure the world could handle multiple Gregs running amuck and causing all kinds of chaos.

I’m thankful that you are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and that you carry His signature on you. You are not a mistake. You are not an afterthought. You are not a copy of anyone or anything else that has ever been or will ever be. You are uniquely you (try saying that five times fast).

Just as unique is God’s plan for you. Don’t get caught up in comparing your life to someone else’s. Maybe you’re not married. Maybe you’re still living at home with the folks long after you thought you would be. Maybe you’re still wondering what you’ll be when you finally grow up.

That doesn’t make you a failure. It means you are not satisfied with the status quo, but you are wanting to find out what you were born to do and what makes you come alive.

Be patient. God’s promises may not happen according to your timetable, but they always happen in His perfect timing. I believe that if you can hold out a little longer, you will be surprised and amazed at what comes next. God is anything but predictable. But I know it’s gonna be great.

Remember that no matter what happens today, no matter what anybody else says to you or about you, no matter how impossible your life seems right now, that I am thankful for you. I’m rooting for you. So is God. And like I’ve said before, what seems impossible to us is not even remotely difficult for God (thanks to Pete Wilson of Cross Point Church for that one).

 

 

Lord, I Believe; Help My Unbelief

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First of all, you should go to Kairos on Tuesday night if you’ve never been. It’s at 7 pm and it’s in the Connection Center of Brentwood Baptist Church off I-65 exit  71 in Brentwood, TN and it’s awesome. Now that I’ve got my shameless plug out of the way, here’s my takeaway from tonight’s service.

While the scribes and disciples were arguing about who was right and who was wrong, a man was pleading with Jesus to heal his son from a demonic possession. He ended his plea with the words, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

How many times have I felt that way? How many times has it seemed that my faith was so small that it barely qualified as belief at all? That I was holding on to a minuscule-sized hope?

I’ve heard that faith always comes with an element of doubt, because if I was 100% certain of something, I wouldn’t need faith. I think that’s true. If I needed perfect faith to get my prayers answered, I might as well stop praying because my faith is always tempered with doubts and fears.

Many times, I need to pray, “Lord, I believe. In whatever way You choose, whether it’s the way I want, show up and have Your way.”

I heard a song tonight that basically said, “Lord, help me to believe what I already know.” Sometimes, I don’t need more knowledge about God or about my circumstances. I need the ability to believe what I already know to be true about God. I need to believe what God has already shown me countless times before.

It doesn’t take great faith in God for change to happen; it just takes faith in a great God. Even if that faith is a minuscule-sized, mustard-seed faith that barely registers a blip on the scale of belief.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

It’s The Little Things

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I’ve come to a few conclusions in my time. One of them has come to me recently.

I’ve always been a fan of the epic movies like Lawrence of Arabia or Braveheart or Gladiator, with big battle scenes behind a massive soundtrack and bold and daring actions. Life is sometimes like that. But most of the time it’s not.

Most of the time, courage isn’t the absence of fear, but being afraid and still taking the next step of faith anyway. It means shutting your ears to what those fears are telling you and choosing in the moment to believe what God has been telling you all along about yourself, your friends and family, and your circumstances.

Most of the time, faith isn’t doing incredible deeds like leading masses of people to Christ or flying halfway around the world to be a career missionary. It’s going next door and doing a small act of kindness for your neighbor. It’s moving out of your usual circle of friends and sitting with someone who looks lost and lonely.

Sometimes, belief isn’t supreme confidence that you know everything there is to know about God and His ways and how He will act. Sometimes, it’s a very small mustard seed. Sometimes, it’s the wavering confession amidst doubts that says, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

It’s not about big faith in God, but faith in a big God. The saying goes that it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. I say that sometimes, it’s about showing up even when you don’t feel up to it, when you feel utterly powerless and weak, when every part of you is telling you to throw in the towel and quit.

Those are the times that God shows up. When you are weak, the Bible says, that’s when the power of Christ is made perfect. Paul even goes so far as to boast in his weakness because he knows that God shows up strongest in our weaknesses.

Keep believing. Keep taking the small steps of faith. Keep holding on to that quiet courage that says you can try again tomorrow. After all, it really is the little things, the small things done with love that really matter in the end.

It’s a Beautiful Thing

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It’s a beautiful thing when you are grateful for waking up each morning and fully appreciate all the blessings you have been taking for granted.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can raise your hands in worship as fervantly in when life is falling apart as when life is going great.

It’s a beautiful thing when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way and you realize you’re perfectly content to be friends with that person and to be the best friend you can be.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can release your child to be all God made him or her to be, even if that takes him or her half a world away.

It’s a beautiful thing when you see your marriage as a chance for you to love your spouse unconditionally like Christ loved the Church.

It’s a beautiful thing when you have no reason anymore to hope, but hope remains.

It’s a beautiful thing when you’ve fallen for the thousandth time, but you get up one more time, thankful for Grace that never gives up.

It’s a beautiful thing when you say goodbye to friends but hold them in your heart at the same time and know that distance is no great barrier for those God has brought together in friendship.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can say “Thy will be done,” even if it means saying “All my dreams and plans and desires be undone” at the same time.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can pray, “God, use me however, wherever, and whenever you want. I give you my money, my time, my body, and my very life for Your Kindom.”

It’s a beautiful thing when you stop praying for blessings and start praying to be a blessing.

It’s a beautiful thing when you become a conduit for God’s power and love to flow through to the world and God can see people with your eyes, go to them with your feet, touch them with your hands, and love them with your heart.

It’s a beautiful thing indeed.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

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Someone asked me how I was today and my answer was “Blessed.” Normally, I say, “Fine” or “Okay”, but for some reason I felt compelled to say “Blessed” tonight.

Maybe it’s because I am blessed. I may not have a job and I may be perennially stuck on being single, but I have some great friends and I serve an even greater God who chose me and called me by name and loves me in spite of all the dumb things I do on a daily basis.

I think about Peter and how Jesus called him out to walk on water. Most people fault Peter for giving into fear and sinking, but the fact that Peter took a huge step of faith toward Jesus has to count for something. At least with me.

I’m thinking about something Mike Glenn said at Kairos tonight. He said you know it’s really God calling you when it’s something that you can’t do on your own. Like walking on water. Or going halfway around the world to serve as a missionary. Or just being faithful to Jesus where you are.

This season has been rough for me, but I have found healing and grace like I’ve never known before, both from the people around me and from God. I have seen shackles of fear and doubt fall away and found how awesome it is to walk in freedom, no longer captive to the need to please others.

I have found that the best moments in life aren’t the ones you plan for, but those you never would expect. Like the old song says, “You can’t always get what you want, but you find sometimes you get what you need.”

The more I live the more in awe of God I am. The more I see my desperate need of everything He is. The more I can truly lift my hands in worship. The more I can hold the people and things in my life with open hands and not clenched fists.

The more I know that everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.