doubts

What Next?

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 7 Comments

I’m sure you’ve been through a similar scenario in your life.

You get the call to come to your manager’s office. Or maybe to a neutral office. They sit you down and inform you that your job is being eliminated. In essence, you’ve just become very expendable.

You can call it any number of things. Let go. Laid off. Terminated. Downsized. Whatever you call it still doesn’t change the fact that you still don’t have a job to go to in the morning.

That was me at about 10:30 am today. I had no idea it was coming. I didn’t even know where the room was and had to ask somebody how to get there. I did know when I saw the manager and the HR person both sitting at the table that it probably wasn’t good news.

It still seems surreal that I lost my job today. I took one last walk around the trail close to the office and went to Starbucks and finished the book I was reading. Even now, it feels like a dream.

To me, this feels less like the end and more like a beginning. It’s less like a closing door and more like an open window.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know that God does. If it’s possible to be anxious, excited, nervous, scared, and bewildered at the same time, then I am all of the above and then some.

I just read the verse in Psalms where it says, “I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their seed begging for bread.” It means that God takes care of His children.

Maybe this is God gently nudging me out of my nest into that unknown country, like the one God called Abraham to.

At a benefit concert tonight, I heard one of the performers say, “I want my life not to work if you take God out of the equation.”

That’s where I am. If God doesn’t come through, I’m in trouble. But I know based on the last 9,999 times that He will.

 

Naked

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At Kairos, Mike Glenn spoke about how Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden and unashamed. That got me thinking. How great would it be if we were all naked?

I don’t mean naked in the sense of those movies they show late at night on those pay cable channels with the cheesy background music. Not that I would know anything at all about those kinds of movies.

I mean naked where there are no masks and no facades, no faking or pretending. Where you and I can truly be ourselves, with baggage and scars and hang-ups and be accepted as we are.

A good marriage is one where each person can truly be naked and unashamed; that is, each is genuine and authentic and real and honest and vulnerable and forgiving. That’s what I long for some day.

I think the Church is also a good place for people to be truly themselves. Where you can confess to one another and not be ostracized for it. Where you are allowed to be weak and doubting and insecure and temptation-prone and still belong. Where you’re family.

The nearer you draw to God, the more you are able to be your true self, the one God made you to be and the one He is transforming you into. You worry less and less about the opinions of others and are more comfortable standing outside the popular opinions and trends.

I still love the fact that Jesus saw me at my worst and set His love on me in that moment when I couldn’t possibly be more messed up. I love how He’s seen all the hidden sins and vile thoughts and ugly attitudes and His love for me has not diminished one bit (and it never will).

My prayer for you is that you can come before God completely naked and not hiding behind religious pretense and holy words and find shelter in His love.

Carried

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“When you can’t run, you crawl, and when you can’t crawl – when you can’t do that… You find someone to carry you” (from an episode of Firefly).

I was watching one of my favorite TV series tonight (and yet another great series that the Fox Network killed way too soon– but that’s another blog for another day) and I heard this quote and it made me think of the Church.

The Apostle Paul speaks about us being in a race, a race that we should seek to run well. He speaks about how we train our bodies so we will finish well. Obviously, this isn’t a literal race, but the live of faith lived with a finish line in view.

Sometimes, when we can’t run any longer, we crawl. Maybe we’re exhausted or burned out or wonded or have lost our way. Whatever the case, every single one of us will at times find ourselves crawling.

Sometimes, we can’t even crawl. We’ve come to the end of our abilities and have no strength or energy to move one more inch. That’s when someone else has to carry us. And we have to be humble and honest enough to ask.

Scripture calls us to carry each other’s burdens. Sometimes that means we carry each other. It means we believe for others when they can’t believe for themselves about getting through a trial or tragedy or test.

If you think of prayer that way, it really does change your perspective. Prayer is not saying kind words about someone else to God, but rather taking that person to God. You can almost visualize carrying that person on your back into the very presence of Jesus Himself.

I’ve always loved the poem Footprints and especially the image of only one set of footprints in the sand being the times when God has carried us. If we’re honest, there’s not one moment when we are not completely taken care of, deeply loved, and carried by Abba Father.

May that be the last image you have before sleep and dreams take you tonight.

 

 

That Watershed Moment

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I will give you a scenario and then you can find out if you’re anything like me or if I really do need more pills. Here goes.

Tonight, I was debating internally whether or not I wanted to make the long trek downtown to work with the homeless at Set Free Nashville. Part of me wanted to go, but part of me wanted to not be bothered and stay home and veg.

The lazy part almost won. I had almost talked myself into not going, but then I went.

Guess what? The pastor was preaching to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. If I hadn’t gone, I would have missed out on a big blessing.

Maybe you’re in a place where you’re debating on whether or not to give up a Saturday to go serve meals to the homeless. Maybe you’re deciding whether or not to go to a Bible study even though you’re feeling wiped from a long day of work.

You will find every excuse not to go. You will have no trouble rationalizing staying and thinking of all the other chores you could be doing and/or all that rest you could be getting.

You might have a strange resistance to going and it will almost feel like you’re walking into the wind if you step out in faith.

I think that what you’re experiencing is spiritual warfare. The devil does not want you to go and receive that blessing, so he is trying his best to get you from going. Though sometimes you and I do just fine on our own for finding reasons not to step out.

One word: go. Get up off the couch, put down whatever suddenly seems so urgent and pressing, get in the car, and go.

I promise you will receive a blessing. You will receive a very precious word from God that you would have missed if you had not gone. You will serve, but find yourself receiving so much more than you give. You will find that you saw Jesus in the eyes of the least of these that you spoke to and served.

You will have the joy of knowing that God called you and you chose to obey and got to be where He was moving in power.

Go.

 

 

Dollhouse: The TV Show and My Thoughts From It

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

Dollhouse was a fantastic show with a very unique concept that ended way too soon.

The concept was that people “volunteered” to have their own memories and personalities erased and became blank slates that could be fitted with other personality imprints to be lovers, assassins, companions, or whatever else the very, very rich and well-conntected clientele wanted.

The concept is technologically far-fetched, but in some ways it happens on a daily basis.

People spend so much time trying to be what other people want them to be, to fit the image that parents or spouses or significant others put on them, that they too often forget who they really are.

Maybe you became someone else to please a boyfriend or girlfriend and gave away something precious to you. Maybe you became someone you used to dislike to gain the approval of so-called “friends” who wouldn’t have liked you for you.

Maybe you have a whole collection of masks that you wear during the week: the pious one for Sunday, the ambitious one for Monday through Friday, the anything-goes one for Saturday night . . . . until you feel completely fragmented.

1 John 1:12 says regarding Jesus, ” But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves,       their child-of-God selves.”

The way to get rid of the masks and the role-playing is to let Jesus tell you who you really are. After all, He’s the one who saw you in your mother’s womb and knows you intimately, more than you know yourself.

In Him, you find your true identity as a child of God and find your true purpose and meaning in being a part of what He is doing in turning the upside-down world right side up again.

I’ve said it before, but no matter what names anyone else has called you or even what you’ve called yourself in anger and frustration, the only name that ultimately matters is the name God in Jesus has given you and calls you now– BELOVED.

May you and I live in that reality and show our world the way out of the dollhouse.

 

Friday Is a Good Thing

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

I don’t think Fridays will ever get old for me. Knowing that the work week is over and that I have a few days of my own is a good feeling. Especially after you have one of those no-good, very bad days that you’re lucky to survive with most of your hair and wits still about you.

I like to think of Heaven as one long Friday, knowing that all the hard stuff and the bad stuff is over and the good stuff, the best stuff, begins and never ends.

C.S. Lewis in his Chronicles of Narnia described Heaven as the the feeling you get on the first day after the school term is over and vacation has begun. That has always resonated with me more than any imagery about Heaven.

Sometimes, the only way you can get through a trial or an ordeal is the knowledge that at some point it will end. It won’t last forever and you won’t be consumed by it.

Take heart. That day is coming, even if you can’t see it or feel it. Even if you’ve all but lost any hope for an end to your pain and suffering and tribulation.

As certain as every week has a Friday in it, the end will come. Again, C.S. Lewis made it come alive to me when He described all of history as the title page and preface to the book, and Heaven is the actual story where each chapter is better than the last and there is no ending.

It’s not an end, but the true beginning that goes on forever.

Heaven’s not just some far away place in a distant time, but it’s wherever God breaks through and shows up in power. It’s wherever God is truly present in His people and where two or more are gathered in His name.

So, I say without any hint of sacrilige, “THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!”

Owning Who You Are in Christ

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

I like what Woody Allen said in his movie Annie Hall. He said, “I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member.” Ever felt that way?

I know you’ve heard about people looking for the perfect church and how if you ever find it, don’t go there, because it won’t be perfect anymore. I can relate to that.

One of Satan’s main job descriptions is accusing believers day and night before God. Some of what he says may be true; a lot of what he says it not.

It doesn’t matter. What the devil says about me is not who I am. What people I work with say about me is not who I am. Not even what my friends and family say about me is who I am.

I am solely and completely who God says I am in Christ. I am holy, righteous, perfect, lacking nothing, and having everything I need. I am, because God says I am.

If you believed what God says about you– really, really believed it deep down– you would live differently. So would I. We wouldn’t be captive to the opinions of others. We wouldn’t live and die by the praise and criticism of others.

Only God really and truly knows me. He knows the secrets I keep, the fears I never tell any one, the shameful thoughts I have, and the doubts I carry. He knows it all and yet He’s the one who says good things about me.

He sees Jesus in me and what Jesus is doing in me. He sees the finished product as well as the work-in-progress.

If anyone had the right to condemn me or write me off, it’s Jesus. Yet He’s the one who intercedes for me and fights for me. He’s your Advocate, too.

Read Ephesians 1:1-15 and notice all that God says about you. Write those things down and meditate on them. Let those things become how you see yourself, because that’s the way God sees you.

If you haven’t already seen it, I recommend Annie Hall as a good movie to watch. It’s a classic.

It’s Wednesday

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

It’s Wednesday at 9:48 pm and I can’t think of a blessed thing to blog about. The more I rack my brains together, the less I get. It’s sorta like that feeling I used to get when I sat down to begin writing a term paper or essay. The page stayed blank no matter how hard I stared at it.

I could continue with last night’s thoughts about how knowing who you are in Christ will defend you against the schemes and tactics of the devil. His name means slanderer. He is also known as the accuser. But he has no power over you in you’re standing firm and trusting in the promises and the power of the Christ who defeated him long ago at Calvary.

The truth is that it’s easy to forget these things even after only one day. It’s easy to sink back into old thought defeatist thought patterns and negative name-calling. That’s why the Holy Spirit’s job is to remind us of all Jesus taught us. We’re so very forgetful.

The name I picked out for myself to remind me of who I am was FAVORED. I have been the recipient of God’s unending favor and blessing. When it becomes all too easy to focus on all that I lack and still don’t have yet, I call to mind that I am the Lord’s favored one.

If you pick just one name and hang on to that to remind yourself of who you are when times get tough and God seems distant, you will remember that He may feel far off but He is never more than one cry for help away.

By the way, Wednesday means hump day. We’re over the hump week-wise and it’s all downhill from here. Only Thursday and Friday left to go.

Also a good reminder.

Waiting in the In-Between

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In The Magician’s Nephew, a great fantasy book by C.S. Lewis, the main characters find themselves in a “Wood Between the Worlds” kind of place. A place where nothing ever happens, with a warm and calming kind of quietness. A place where you can almost hear the grass growing and branches sprouting leaves.

I’ve felt like that. Like I’m waiting in a place between the now and the not-yet. I feel like time slows down in this place and the waiting seems to take forever and nothing ever really seems to change.

I check my facebook and see everyone else moving past while I’m stuck in the waiting. I see all the parties and social events I didn’t get invited to and I see people’s lives moving at breakneck speed while mine seems to trudge on at a turtle’s pace.

But I believe God’s word for those in the In-Between is simply to wait.

Don’t force the next chapter or the next step. Don’t try to pry open the door into the next part of your life. Being at the right place at the wrong time is still wrong.

We feel like what God wants from us is activity and busy-ness. What God wants from us is dependence and trust. And sometimes rest.

Waiting in the In-Between is not doing nothing. It is getting ready for the next part. It’s becoming the person you need to be to do what God is calling you toward. He’s the one who knows when you’re ready because He’s the one getting you ready.

Instead of a frenetic and feverish impatience to get on to the next big event, try a little deep breathing and deep trusting. Trust that although you may not know the way, you know the One who is leading you and you know that He knows the way and will get you there exactly when you need to be there.

Maybe this time I’ll take my own advice and just learn to enjoy the ride instead of waiting for the destination.

PS You don’t have to wait alone. Part of the blessing of being a part of the Body of Christ is that we not only worship and pray and laugh and weep together. We also wait together.