Christianity

God, I’m Sorry

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

God, I’m sorry that I took even a single moment of the time I had today for granted. I’m sorry I forgot that every moment of this life is sacred, for You inhabit all of it.

You’re in every frame of every scene in my life, speaking to me through the Word, through your people, through circumstances, and loudest of all, through the Silence that echos the calm before the storm.

I’m sorry I failed to give you as much room to work in the lives of my friends as You took to work in mine. I’m sorry I doubted them and mistrusted their motives instead of looking for and believing the best about them and giving them the benefit of the doubt, as You taught and showed me how to do.

I’m sorry that I listened to my fears instead of to You, and they lied to me. I’m sorry that I believed what they said: that eventually all the people in my life will find out what I’m really like underneath my plastic smile and decide that I am simply not worth the effort and they will walk away. I name that lie and give it to You for good.

I’m sorry I was living my life at the I-level, living in the me-story and focused on all things Greg. I forgot that what You have for me is so much bigger than me and what my little world can hold. Your plans are God-sized and the God-story You are telling me is so much better than mine (thanks to Karla Worley for the imagery).

I’m sorry that tomorrow, I will need to be reminded of this all over again. I will forget You and how constantly You have taken care of me.

Thank You that You are slow to anger, steady in love, and ever patient with me, never wearying in reminding me of who I am and Whose I am. Of how much stronger Your voice is than all the other voices that speak to me and that Your voice is saying good things about me and calling me Beloved.

Thank You that You won’t give up, give in, let go, let me down, or turn on me. Thank You that you will absolutely finish what You started in me and then it will all have been so much more than worth it.

Thank You. Amen.

Giving Thanks In Everything

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Tonight at Kairos Roots, the speaker talked about the importance of thanksgiving as a lifestyle. Thanksgiving is the antidote for anger, for bitterness, for discouragement (as I found out recently), and for doubt.

She reminded me that we’re not supposed to give thanks FOR everything, but IN everything. We should’t be thankful for tragedies and misfortunes and other bad things happening, but we can be thankful that God can work through even the worst of these times and turn them into something beautiful.

The verse says to give thanks to the Lord for He is good– not because we are good or that life is good or that the situation is good– but because God is good.

Another verse tells me “This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.” This day, meaning the terrible, no good, very bad day I’m stuck in. Not just the good days when my life is turning out the way I want and all my plans are falling into place, but the bad days when I have a headache and I feel like I’m completely screwing up everything I touch.

Thanksgiving reminds me that I’m not in this alone. It reminds me that God is with me even when I don’t feel Him near. As I heard tonight, sometimes the only way we know that God loves us when we don’t feel loved or see love is to know that He does because “the Bible tells me so.”

Thanksgiving brings us together in community and keeps us focused on the big story God is telling and not just the little stories we are living in. As the speaker noted, it gets me out of the me-story where I can only see at I-level and puts me back into the God-story where God is in charge and in control and is working everything together for good.

When we are thankful, we see once more that all of life is connected and that every part of life belongs to God. I see that what God wants from me is not the best part of me or the majority of me, but all of me, everything I have, everything I am, the good and bad and ugly and disturbing. He wants all of me.

Learning to be thankful takes practice and time, but the result is so much more than worth it. God deserves my thanks, even if He never does one more thing for me. Even if for no other reason than Who He is, He deserves every bit of thanksgiving I can give to Him (and then some!)

Somebody’s Baby

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“She’s somebody’s baby
Somebody’s baby girl
She’s somebody’s baby
Somebody’s baby girl
She’s somebody’s baby still” (Jon Foreman)

I have several friends who are involved with local homeless ministries like The Bridge Ministry, Nashville Rescue Mission, Room in the Inn, and Set Free Church, to name a few. I have been increasingly involved with homeless ministry.

Something that I realized today might help you if you’re involved with homeless. It’s easy to see homelessness as a statistic or a problem rather than to see people.

Each homeless person is

Someone’s son

Someone’s daughter

Someone’s brother

Someone’s sister

Someone’s father

Someone’s mother

Every time you see a homeless person, remember that they are just like you except for one or two bad decisions or one or two financial setbacks. Each homeless person was once somebody’s baby.

Jesus said, What you do to the least of these, you do to Me. That means when you go downtown and serve in a soup kitchen, you are feeding Jesus. When you extend a smile and a greeting, you are making Jesus feel at home.

I truly believe that God has a special place in His heart for the orphan and the widow, which in today’s world would mean the outcast, the defenceless, the homeless, the down-and-out.

I love the idea that while we can’t change the world, we each can change the world for one person. We can love one person with the love of Jesus.

When you think about it, as believers, we are homeless. This world is not our home and we are called strangers and pilgrims with no inheritance but God. Of all people, we should be the ones who have a heart for homeless people.

God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Let me be Your hands and feet and go to those who have never known love and be the one to show them what Jesus’ love looks like. Let me be Jesus to someone today.

Amen.

More Thoughts on Not Being a Fan

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“You can’t call Jesus Lord without declaring yourself his slave” (Kyle Idleman).

I really think I, like most of the people I know, have really missed it when it comes to faith and Jesus. I know I for one have probably been more of a fan of Jesus than a follower for most of my life.

Followers don’t have Jesus as their number one priority. They have Jesus as their ONLY priority. Nothing else matters except following after Jesus and taking His story to the world. Nothing.

Followers are willing to leave everything behind and to follow after Jesus, no matter what it costs, no matter what they have to give up, no matter how many times other people call them “crazy” and “fanatical” (even church people).

I like to think of a follower of Jesus as someone who is set on fire by the love of Christ. They are totally consumed by it. Eventually, there is nothing left of me and all anyone who looks at me will see is Jesus. That’s what I want.

A follower is willing to risk reputation and prestige and career and life itself to take this Love to the people who need it most. A follower is not captive to what others think or say, but only ultimately listens to one Voice. The Voice of Truth.

I know that what the world longs to see is people actually living out the faith they claim to believe. Nothing frustrates them more than someone whos lifestyle doesn’t match their professed faith. I am frustrated when my own actions don’t bear out what I claim to believe.

My prayer for you is that you would be so captivated and captured by the love of Christ that you will be set ablaze for His glory and not consider your life too high a price to pay to follow and know and love this Jesus who gave everything to win your heart.

 

How Much?

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I’m still reading the book Not a Fan (and still being blown away by its awesome-ness, to coin a new word). The part I read was about passionate pursuit as a part of being a true follower of Jesus and not just a fan.

This part really hit me hard. It convicted me big time. Where Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me,” the part that got me wasn’t what you think it would be.

It was “come after”. The book talks about coming after Jesus like a man passionately and romatically pursues a woman. It means to “follow hard” after God, as it says in the Psalms.

It means that I must want God more than I want anything in this life. I must love God more than family, more than friends, more than a spouse, more than a career, more than even my own life.

It means that no price is too high to pay to follow Jesus and know His heart for the world. Even carrying the cross daily is not too high a price. Death is not too high a price.

I was convicted that I am still captive to what others think. I am still bound to if someone likes what I say or doesn’t like it. I have to die to that. The only opinion that matters is what God thinks. If I am seeking to please people, as the Bible says, I won’t be aiming to please God.

The question of the hour is this: How much do I really want God? How much am I willing to risk, how much am I willing to sacrifice to pursue the God who pursued me with everything He had?

The Bible talks about wanting God more than life. As the deer pants for the water, so should we want God. Water isn’t something that would be nice to have. It’s life. In the same way, God isn’t one more thing to make my life better. He’s my life.

Until I see my deep need and until I recognize that my very survival depends on me pursuing God at all costs until He finds me, I will never really truly follow hard after Him.

As always, I am a work in progress who is learning a new way to live and a new way to think. God is perfectly patient with me. I pray you will be, too. I will do my best to be patient with you.

And above all, let us learn what it means to come after Jesus until it is our all-consuming desire. That’s my prayer for you tonight.

Communion

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I took communion today as a part of the worship service. It really hit home and reminded me of how great the price Jesus paid for me. If I had a communion prayer to express my thoughts, it would go something like this:

When I was lost and couldn’t find You and couldn’t even find myself, You came down and found me.

When I was dead to you and the things in life that really matter, You made me alive to the wonder and beauty of the world You made and mostly, alive to You and alive in You.

When I was a stranger and an outcast looking in from the outside, You took me in and made me one of Your own and called Me Your child.

When I was a captive to my sin and fears, You opened the doors to my prison and set me free forever.

When I was exhausted and couldn’t find rest from all the anxious thoughts running around in my head, You simply said, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” You took those anxious thoughts from me and gave me sweet sleep.

When I was in darkness, You were the light that helped me find my way.

When I was Your enemy, You loved me anyway and paid much too high a price because You thought I was worth dying for.

When I felt alone, You were with me in the night, holding me in Your arms and rejoicing over me with singing.

When I couldn’t speak, You were my Voice. When I couldn’t pray, You were my Prayer. When I couldn’t sing, You were my Song.

When I was weak, You were my Strength. When I had nothing in me to give, You were my Sacrifice.

As I take your bread, I remember Your body broken so that I might be whole and healed. As I take your wine, I remember Your blood spilled out completely for me that my broken pieces might be put back together again.

With this communion, I say again, “Thank you for my life. It’s Yours for whatever, whenever, and however You want to use it. Pour it out for others. May it be broken and blessed to feed the multitudes. Make me a blessing and an answer to prayer and Jesus to someone today.

Amen.

The Only Thing that Doesn’t Change

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“the only thing that doesn’t change
makes everything else rearrange
is the speed of light, the speed of light
your love for me must be the speed of light” (Julie Miller)

I’ve heard it said that the only constant in life is change. Nothing in life ever stays the same. People come and people go, sometimes without any reason. Nature is full of change with the whole cycle of birth and death and rebirth.

I know there’s one thing that doesn’t change. One of my favorite verses says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (at least I’m 95% sure that’s a verse in the Bible). Another verse says that God is not like a man that He should lie or change His mind.

I can rest knowing that no matter what happens to me, no matter what I do or don’t do, no matter how things go my way or even if my life completely implodes, God is the same.

It boggles my mind to thing that God never loves me less than perfectly, that He never does anything less than the very best for me, that He never, ever breaks His promises toward me.

I’ve learned the hard way that overanalyzing everything always leads to stress and wrong conclusions. Trying to guess people’s motives and thoughts is like trying to nail jello to a tree or to herd cats.

That’s why God says, “Trust Me. I have everything under control. I will never leave you or forsake you and I promise to not give up or quit on you, but finish the work I started in you. Trust what I am doing in and around you. One day, you will see with your eyes the perfect final result, but until then, you must see with the eyes of faith.”

I mentioned this before, but it’s so good I have to repeat it. I heard someone say that what you think and what you feel will lie to you, so you go with what you know. That is, you go with the one thing that never changes. God and His love for you.

 

Empty Hands

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A friend of mine once taught me a simple, profound, beautiful morning prayer. It goes, “Lord, I come to you with empty hands. If all I have from You today is You and the next breath, that will be enough.”

Ideally, you pray this prayer kneeling with hands outstretched and with palms facing up and open. It’s a way of letting go of your own expectations of how things should go and how other people should act toward you. It’s a way of surrendering to whatever God has in mind for you.

I’d like to say that I’ve prayed this little prayer every morning since I learned it. That would be a big, fat, stinkin’ lie. In fact, I completely forgot about it until today. I think God reminded me of this prayer for a reason.

God wants me. Not my best efforts or my promises or my service. He wants all of me, not just what I feel like giving or the parts that are cleaned-up or what I think makes me look really good. He wants all of me, the good, the bad, the weird, the bizarre, and the ugly.

When I come with empty hands, I am letting go of my will to embrace the will of Jesus. I am saying that whatever agenda or plan I had in mind is gone and I only want to do one thing: be where God is at work and hear what He’s telling me and obey it.

I read this once “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” I know I get sidetracked and distracted by a myriad of things and I forget who I am and Whose I am. God never fails in time to remind me and love me back home.

I challenge you to pray this prayer every morning and in the evening you can thank God for what He gave you. Instead of it being something you feel you’re owed or your right, you will see everything as it really is– an undeserved gift and God’s grace poured out on you.

Thank you, God, for reminding me again of how much I desparately need You today and every day. Amen.

What Jesus Said to Me Today

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“My child, you have been listening to your fears again.

Those fears told you lies with just enough truth in them to deceive you. Those fears told you that your friends will see your faults and leave you. Your fears told you that I am not enough, that my provision is lacking, and that you need something more than Me.

When I died, I defeated the Master of all Lies once and for all. His lies have no more power over you except that which you give them. If you listen to the lies, you let them control you and have power over you, but if you listen to My voice and fear Me only, the lies lose their power.

All you have to do is speak My name over these lies. Believe that My love is more powerful than any pain, any hurt, any half-truth, any stronghold, and any temptation you face. I have overcome them all and in Me you are more than a conqueror.

I have you safely in the palm of My hand. Nothing can get to you to harm you and nothing can come near you that I haven’t allowed.  I will protect you and surround you with My love and fill you with My peace. I will sing songs over you that remind you that You are Mine.

I love you. You are my BELOVED. Nothing will ever change that. No lie can erase that. Sleep in this truth and know that I am with you now and forever.”

Forgiveness

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Tonight, Mike Glenn talked about forgiveness at Kairos. He said forgiveness is releasing the other person from the expectation that they can fix the wrong and the hurt they caused you. He said forgiveness is when you are no longer defined by the pain and the hurt and the grudge, but by the love of Jesus.

He added that Jesus said to him once, “You can hold on to the hate for the person who hurt you or you can hold on to My love, but you cannot hold on to both.” When Jesus whispered, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing,” He was praying for those who hurt you. He was also praying for you.”

We are called to forgive. Jesus said the Father would forgive you as you forgave others. When you don’t give forgiveness, you can’t receive it and you stunt the work of the Spirit in your life. Every single one of us needs to forgive and be forgiven.

But what if the person you most need to forgive is yourself? What if the person you need to learn to live with is you? What if you’re scared to death that if someone else ever knew you like you knew yourself and knew all the dirty, petty, angry thoughts you keep hidden, they would walk out on you for good?

I have been way too hard on myself in the past and projected on to other people my own self-rejection. I thought that no one could ever really know me and still like me. But the love of Jesus broke through and changed me and changed how I saw myself. It transformed how I saw others, no longer through my own insecurities, but through the grace of God.

The key is to believe what God says about you. It’s to believe that God loves you and chose you and calls you BELOVED. The key is to receive God’s forgiveness. If God chose to forgive you of something you never in a million years could have paid for, then it’s time to forgive yourself.

You have a choice. You can choose pain and holding grudges or you can choose forgiveness and freedom and love. I think Anne Lamott said refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You only hurt yourself. Forgiveness is freedom to love and be loved and mostly, to be wrapped up by the love of Jesus.

I choose forgiveness every time. Lord, grant me and all those reading this forgiving hearts and fill us up with your love so there’s no more room to carry the hurts anymore.

Amen.