Today was all over the map for me.

I started off coming into work for my last day at All-American Pest Control, a job I’d held since 2015. They are in the process of automating a lot of processes and my job position got eliminated. I definitely hold no ill will toward my company. They were great.

But I knew at some point I was going to break down and cry my eyes out. I just didn’t know when.

I held it together for most of the day. It was only when I was heading out the door to my car with the last of my stuff I was taking home that I lost it. I hadn’t expected to be emotional when I lost my job, and I definitely didn’t expect to be as overwhelmed with grief as I was in that moment.

Lately, I seem to be living in a haze. I have trouble focusing on conversations, and often I feel like there’s a disconnect between me and everyone else in the world. I’m also feeling a mix of sadness (for what’s ending), anxiety (for the unknown), and excitement (for the future).

I still remember a verse that stood out to me that was quoted in an Elisabeth Elliott biography I was listening to on Audible. King Jehoshaphat was facing a vast army and his prayer to God included the line “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:12b).

That’s where I am currently. I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on God. My hope is in His promises and in His provision. I can only do my part — get my resume updated and get as many network connections as I can — then God will take over and do what I can’t.

It’s funny that earlier I was praying that if it was God’s will to move me to my next career, that He would show me. And He did. Maybe a bit earlier than I was expecting, but I can say with assurance that it was of God and not me.

And now comes that waiting on the Lord part. . .

I’ve been there lots of times. So many times, words fail me when I try to pray. I want to pray God’s will, but I also want healing for the people I love. I want good outcomes for my family and friends. Sometimes, I don’t know how to put my feelings into words.

But God knows.

I sometimes forget that prayer isn’t me telling God something new. Prayer is a way of reminding me who God is and helping me see my circumstances in light of God’s providence. Prayer is reminding my problems of who God is, not the other way around.

So if the best I can do is “Lord, I don’t know, but You know,” then God honors that prayer. You can also go with the old standbys of “Have Thine own way, Lord,” and “Thy will be done.”

God knows.

Ever since I got my turntable for Christmas in 2022, one of my favorite hobbies is record hunting. Specifically for 70’s and 80’s Christian records. I grew up on 80’s CCM (that’s Contemporary Christian Music for the uninitiated) and hearing the old tunes again brings back so many memories.

I missed most of the 70s Christian music, but have been catching up, thanks to an internet radio station called Classic Christian Rock Radio that plays primarily 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. That has inspired me to hunt down some of those old bands and artists like Love Song, Daniel Amos, and Larry Norman.

The good part is that most of these are super cheap. I found the first 2nd Chapter of Acts record for $2. I lucked up on a Love Song record for $1. The vast majority of them have been under $10 (and a lot have been under $5).

Vintage Christian rock and pop music is not in vogue, but for those who grew up on it, it’s the best. Even if some of it hasn’t aged all that well and sounds super cheesy now. But at least it’s Christian cheesy, right?

I remember before I had a working turntable, I came across a record by Phil Keaggy, 2nd Chapter of Acts, and band called David. It was a live 3-record set called How the West Was One. To this day, I have no idea what happened to it, though I suspect I might have given it away due to no way to play it. If I could find that one again, my life would be complete. Or at least my record collection would be.

But even that wouldn’t stop me from going to record stores. The hunt is just that addicting.

“I wish thy way. And when in me myself should rise, and long for something otherwise, Then Lord, take sword and spear And slay” (Amy Carmichael).

As much as I love a lot of current Christian books, I think everyone should read something old, preferably by someone dead. I think those old classics by authors like John Owen, John Calvin, Charles Spurgeon, Oswald Chambers, Amy Carmichael, and Watchman Nee really are spiritually beneficial.

Even writers more current like Elisabeth Elliott and Corrie ten Boom can give insight and wisdom gained from lives filled with hardship and suffering. Those are the kind of writers who will be honest with you and talk about things like dying to self, denying myself, taking up my cross, and being willing to sacrifice everything on the altar for Jesus.

Elisabeth Elliot was famous for saying, “Let thy will be done even if it means my undoing.”

Again, I have no problems with books about the unconditional love of God, but I do think that everyone of us needs people who will always tell us the truth and point out our blind spots and faults (in a loving and not legalistic way of course) so that we can continue to mature and grow into Christlikeness.

I also relish finding new writers (and new to me old writers), so if you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments.

I don’t need the 15,000 square feet mansion with all the bedrooms, bathrooms, private cinemas, game rooms, and all that. I’d take this cabin (or something like it) in a heartbeat.

The older I get, the less I find that I actually need. The more I find that I am content with what I already have. That said, I wouldn’t mind house-sitting for a mansion or two to get that out of my system.

I found this handy dandy guide that will help you drive in the snow if you live in the South and have never driven in snow before. Or if you have driven in snow before and it didn’t end well.

It helps if you grew up Baptist. It’s not essential to understanding the analogy, but it certainly helps.

Now you know how to drive in the snow. And you’re probably really hungry by now.