At my Wednesday night Bible study, the teacher made an out-of-left-field observation that I’ve been thinking about ever since. Basically he said that we can’t really define the word grace because it’s really not a natural human virtue.

At first, I thought about all those neat little acrostic ditties like grace is God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense. I also remembered grace as unmerited favor. But the more I thought, the more I realized that those don’t so much define grace as describe it.

We can’t really define it because it’s so much beyond us. It’s a God thing, and like so much about God, it goes beyond our capacity to understand or categorize or define.

We understand concepts like karma because they are man-made. We came up with the idea that if you do something bad, something bad happens to you. Basically, you get what you deserve — end of story.

But we can’t define grace because it defies our logic. Why would we celebrate not getting what we deserve? Why would we cheer for something we didn’t earn?

I know for me the more I understand what I really do deserve and not what I think I’ve earned, the more I love grace. The more I realize that I’m not good — that no one but God is good — and that what I’ve earned and deserve is death and hell, the more I know I don’t deserve grace but crave it just the same.

I see that when a lot of people talk about karma, they want it for someone else. I don’t want anyone else to get karma because I know I don’t want it for myself. I know deep down what karma would bring me (if karma were even real), so I choose grace for myself and for everybody else. I want grace for you because I need grace for me.

Grace is what got me out of bed in the morning. Grace is what got me through another day. Grace is what will lay my head upon the pillow tonight. And yes, that amazing grace will one day lead me home.

I saw this today and it may have completely changed how I will look at ministering to those who are grieving:

“I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.

‘Hey there, Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life.

I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.

When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.

‘Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?’

‘OK’.

They hung up. I stared into space some more.

I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.

Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:

Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?

What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.

Yes, I replied.

‘K.’

10 minutes later, she said, ‘Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.’

‘What?’

‘Grief Groceries.!!’

When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.

Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.

Grief groceries.

Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.

An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook.

Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. ‘How can I help’ is a big choice. But ‘Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself?’ is a much smaller one. ‘Will you be home tonight?’ is a small choice. ‘What restaurant do you like?’ is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, ‘Do you want me to cut the grass?’ Or, ‘I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?’ is better than ‘Can I run any errands for you?’

It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!”

Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.”

I’d also add my personal favorite: I need coffee, because without it, I’m basically a two-year old whose blankie is in the washing machine.

But yeah, coffee is good.

Sometimes, a picture is truly worth 1,000 words. In this case, I just want to add a few more. Those verses from 1 Thessalonians 5 seem to sum it up very nicely:

“Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18, NLT).

I keep thinking about something I read recently. It talks about the verse from Malachi where the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. I believe that could be a messianic prophecy. I understand that the Hebrew word for wings, kaneph, can also refer to the corners of a garment.

I keep thinking about that woman with the issue of blood who was desperate to get to Jesus. She knew that even if she could grab a corner of His garment, she would be healed. She knew that there would be healing in His “wings” because she believed He was the very Messiah that her people had waited for since day one.

Here’s the point: She was willing to risk the ridicule and the ruining of her reputation for the reward of her Redeemer. She didn’t care who saw her crawling on her hands and knees to get to Jesus. She didn’t care if she wasn’t dignified in her pursuit of forgiveness and salvation. It was worth risking literally everything for a handful of tassel.

What is Jesus worth to you? Is He worth the risk? Are you willing to hang on to the thread of His garment, no matter what? Then you’re in a good place. That’s where Jesus finds you.

As far as visual representations go, that’s pretty much accurate to what happens when I try to lean on my own understanding. It never ends well, though thankfully not quite as badly as the picture above.

The verse from Proverbs says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and not to lean on your own understanding. You could just as easily say to lean on the Lord with all your heart and not to trust your own understanding. In both cases, you wind up in the same place.

The problem with my own understanding is that it’s finite and based mostly on fickle feelings. If I’m overly tired, I can put a pessimistic spin on my circumstances. If I’m hungry, I can get impatient with God’s timing.

To trust in the Lord is to trust in a 100% impeccable track record. There’s a whole Bible with 66 books that testifies to God never steering anyone wrong. I on the other hand have probably screwed up already in the first five minutes after waking up.

I always remember something I learned from a college and career retreat I participated in when I was way younger. It involved the ROTC of faith. ROTC stands for the definition of faith, which is to rely on, obey, trust in, and cling to the Lord.

So don’t end up like that guy on the stairs tangled up in his own ladder. Trust in God, not your own understanding.

“Scarcity and broken relationships aren’t about God finding out what I am made of-God knows what I am made of–it’s the other way around. In or out of friendship, in scarcity or abundance or just enough, my life is about finding out what God is made of” (Brennan Manning).

The whole idea that God won’t give me more than I can handle seems biblical, but it’s not. You can look all you want, but you won’t find it in the Bible. Paul said that God won’t allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to endure, but that’s different.

I think so much of what happens to us isn’t for us to find out how much we can handle or what we’re made of. It’s to find out how much God can handle and what He’s made of. When we’re moderately uncomfortable, God shows up and it’s no big deal (to us anyway). But when we’re at the end of our rope and God intervenes, it means something. It means a whole lot. We learn through experience what we knew in head knowledge and theoretical faith becomes real life faith.

I also remember reading that if you are not grounded in the goodness of God, you will lower your theology to match your pain. God becomes a manageable god who has no real power but is a token of your good will and best intentions.

But the real God is bigger than your pain. He’s bigger than what you can conceive. The Bible says He looks throughout the whole earth to find those whose hearts are unswervingly devoted to Him. God shows up best when we’re at our worst. God shows up mightiest when we’re at our weakest.

That’s the best place to be because that’s the best time for God to show up and do what only He can do and to be what only God can be. That’s when we find out what God is made of — and we worship.

I recently subscribed to an email list where I get a small prayer and devotional from the one and only Charles Spurgeon. Actually, since Spurgeon has been dead for 132 years, the words are his but the sender is most likely not.

Spurgeon is considered one of the greatest Baptist preachers and one of the most famous people from the 19th century. He always seemed to have a way of speaking the truth that speaks directly to my heart and doesn’t mince the truth in any way, something that is sorely lacking in this modern evangelical age.

Here’s the email I received most recently that could have been my diary:

“DAILY PRAYER (BY SPURGEON)

This morning, we feel inclined to bless you for the many occasions in which you did not answered our prayer; for you have said that we asked wrongly and therefore we could not have; and we desire to register this prayer with you, that whenever we do ask wrongly, you would, in great wisdom and love, be pleased to refuse us.

Amen.

VERSE OF THE DAY (COMMENTARY BY SPURGEON)

“You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.” (James 4:3)

The lusts of the flesh come in, and put us upon the wrong track; or if we take the right road, yet, if the lusts are there, God will not bless us, because, in doing so, he would be helping us to gratify our lusts.“

Here’s the link if you want to subcribe:

https://spurgeonbooks.beehiiv.com