Bible

Maybe My Favorite Line From a Song Ever

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u2

“I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how to kneel, kneel” (U2, from the song Vertigo).

I discovered this line today. It’s odd that after listening to a song hundreds of times that one particular line that you’ve missed can suddenly catch your attention. This was Tthe line from the song Vertigo from the U2 album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb.

This line makes a lot more sense if you see it as God’s love rather than human love. I can say from my own personal experience that the love of God has taught me to kneel, not just as a posture, but as an action reflecting an attitude adjustment in my own heart.

True love of any kind is ultimately about surrender. It’s not what I want but what you want that matters, especially when it comes to the love of God. True love says, “Not my will but Thine,” which is a lot easier to pray as a line from a rote prayer than as an actual declaration.

Only those who have experienced God’s love can truly surrender their wills and lives. Not those who have read about or know facts about God’s love but those who have seen and felt and touched and been transformed by it.

So, yes, God’s love is still teaching me to kneel. To let go of my own desires so I can receive God’s much grander and wilder desires for me. To let my own plans and dreams crumble into dust so that my life can be a blank slate where God can dream His dreams for me and in me.

I say all this like I’m actually good at it, but I’m not. I’m much too stubborn and I cling to my will far too often for my own good. But thankfully God is far more patient with me than I am with God (or with me for that matter).

I’m learning how to kneel.

 

Oh Brother

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I have a couple of confessions to make. I don’t mean the kind where I fess up to misdeeds or give you a “Woe is pitiful me” speech. I mean the kind where I let you in on how I occasionally do dumb stuff.

I’d been having trouble with my phone. At least I blamed my phone for the trouble I’d been having. I’d miss calls all the time and not hear (or feel) my phone ringing. I thought the old  iPhone 5 was finally giving up the ghost. It turns out I had somehow managed to have the “Do Not Disturb” feature on my phone activated for weeks without realizing it. FYI: if you don’t want to be annoyed by late night calls or texts, DO turn on this feature, but also remember to turn it off in the morning.

I have since restored the setting and I can now answer all those very important calls from all those very important people I’d been missing out on.

Also, I found out that my hand sanitizer has an expiration date. Or more honestly, HAD an expiration date of June 2014. I was unaware that hand sanitizer could go bad. Or at least not be fresh. Side note: does expired hand sanitizer make your hands dirtier or does it just lose effectiveness?

At the end of the day, I chalk things like these up to experience gained without too much lost. If those are the worst things that ever happen to me, I’m doing alright.

I’ve learned that you have to give yourself grace and allow for the occasional stupidity. As much as you pride yourself on being intelligent, you will inevitably do something dumb that will leave you scratching your head. It will happen. Take it from me.

As for the hand sanitizer, I plan on using it until it runs out and then moving up to the 2015 edition. I figure I’m only three months late.

 

You Are Not: A Reminder

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I’m about to repeat myself. Again.

I find I keep returning to the same themes in my writing over and over, probably because I keep needing to hear them over and over. Here’s one more reminder for the road.

You are not your worst fears about yourself– that you’re essentially unemployable and that you will never find out what you’re good at and be able to make a living with it.

You are not your spotty employment background or your so-so credit score or your monumental mistakes in the past.

You are not your history of relationship failures (or your history of failure of relationships).

You are not your failed marriages or your broken relationships with your parents (or children).

You are not who you were and you are not yet who you will be.

You are the Beloved of your Abba Father, the apple of His eye.

You are Forgiven, with a blank slate as clean as if there were never any bad marks on it.

You are a child of the One True King, despite your questionable family history and your own long list of personal quirks.

You are exactly where God wants you to be and He knows where you are and where He’s taking you. And trust me, you will get there one day.

 

SMiLe

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Back in 1967, the Beach Boys recorded an album that never got released. That is, until 2011. It was the love-child of Brian Wilson, who was (and presumably still is) one one of the most brilliant (and eccentric) artists out there. And I mean out there.

Aside from Good Vibrations, Smile isn’t the most radio-friendly record ever made. From my understanding, what finally got released in 2011 is a not-quite-finished product that hinted at what might have been. It’ll probably take me listening to the whole thing at least two or three times before I can come to any kind of informed opinion.

That said, my advice for you today is to smile. God’s got this. You don’t have to worry that somethings going to pop up on the radar screen and catch God off guard. He knows it all and He’s in control, both of your life and of everything else in the universe.

It’s easy to fall into a state of anxiety over all the possible outcomes and all that could go horribly wrong in your life. But that does no good. Plus, worry dethrones God and puts you where only God belongs in the center of your life. That’s a scary place to be.

It helps if you  have two kinds of friends out there: those who will encourage you and see more in you than you see in yourself and those who will call your B.S. and not let you settle for less than your best. You need both. I know I do.

For me, music has been a great antidote to anxiety at those times when I felt overwhelmed. Art and beauty can do that. Most of all, I’m thankful that God is composing the symphony of my life and He alone knows that when it’s done, it will be a masterpiece. For that I’m most thankful.

Tim

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It’s one thing when you look at the statistics about homelessness in America, but it’s an entirely different matter when you get the chance to talk with someone who’s homeless. Putting a face on any issue automatically changes how you see it. 

I met Tim tonight at Room in the Inn. He’s a gregarious and friendly fellow who has probably never met a stranger. 

He also found out recently that he has stage 2 colon cancer.

He’s the one who can cheer up just about anybody with his off-the-wall, zany brand of humor. He can make anyone forget about their problems for a while. But who will be the one to cheer him up now that he’s facing an uncertain future?

I’m fairly certain that my 3-year old niece has more teeth in her head than Tim does in his. He won’t grace the cover of any GQ magazines anytime soon. But I’d rather hang out with him than with any superstar I could think of, because Tim is the real deal. 

 When you look at numbers on a page, it’s easy to say that people are homeless because they’re lazy and undisciplined. But when you meet someone and see that he or she’s not that much different than you, then the issue becomes a bit more complicated. 

I bet you’ve probably met some without realizing it because many of those who are homeless may look and act and talk just like you or me.

If you want to make a difference, you can never go wrong with a little compassion and a listening ear. 

Most of these guys want more than anything to be heard and to be acknowledged. And boy, do they have some good stories to tell if you’re willing to listen. 

 It’s only by the grace of God that I’m not sleeping outside tonight. Before I close my eyes on my soft pillow in my cozy bed, I’ll be saying a prayer for Tim and thanking God for another example of how His blessings so often come in disguise.

 

My 1,700th Blog (Ta-da!)

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I hit another milestone today with blog #1,700. It all started on July 25, 2010, almost five years ago, and has been a fun ride ever since then. I’m still surprised that people actually read these things. And I still don’t like the word “blog.” Here’s my very first blog if you want to see where it all started way back when.

https://oneragamuffin.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/hello-world/

I also figured out today that it’s been 1,059 days since my last carbonated beverage. I googled that bit of information, in case you’re wondering. And no, it’s not out of any kind of religious or moral beliefs. It’s mostly a health-conscious decision. No, I don’t miss them (even though I still dream about them from time to time).

I can look back and see a trajectory of grace in my life. I have done and said more than my share of really stupid stuff. I’ve gone through whole days and weeks of being in a not-so-healthy place, head-wise. Yet God still loves me as if I’d been perfect the whole time. That still amazes me.

I’m trying to be more health-conscious in my diet as well, cutting out breads and sugar (for the most part) and drinking more water. I’m down nine pounds so far and I feel better.

I’ve decided that not every one of these blogs will be Pulitzer-prize material. That’s okay. My aim isn’t perfect prose and I’m not trying to reach a million people. I just want to put me out there for someone to read and be able to relate to. Maybe even someone will find hope and healing in these (web)pages.

So for the 1,000th time, I say thanks to all of you both past and present who have read my posts. Although if you’ve quit reading them, you’re most likely not going to see this. Still I thank you anyway.

I hope to still be writing and blogging and posting my unique brand of zaniness five years from now.

God bless,

Still a ragamuffin trying to tell other ragamuffins where to find the Bread of Life

 

Lent Update for 2015

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I have two more weeks to go for my Lent break from social media. So far, so good. More than having extra free time, the best part has been clearing my head and getting my perspective readjusted (again). As much as I love all things social media, it can mess with your head if you let it.

You know it’s time to step away for a bit when you start valuing your self-worth based on social media. I should know, being a recovering approval-addict. I’ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and worn it.

I’ll confess that not everything God has shown me during this season of Lent has been fun or easy. I’ve seen just how much I’m addicted to worry and stress and doubts. My faith is smaller than I thought, but I’m also finding out that God os much bigger than I ever imagined.

It’s been a long journey from that day on May 22. 2012 when I got laid off from my job. It hasn’t gone nearly the way I thought it would. But I have seen God’s provision and felt His nearness more in these past three years than ever before.

Lent is a way of me reminding myself that 1) God owns it all and controls it all, not me; 2) if I have God and nothing else, I’m better off than if I had everything but God; 3) it truly will be fine in the end because God said so, and if it’s not fine, then it’s not the end (to borrow a line from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

I think that covers it.

 

Spring Has Sprung (Again)

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Officially, spring starts at the spring equinox at 6:45 pm EDT (or 5:45 for those lucky enough to be living in CST). For me, spring is here.

It certainly feels like spring. I can wear shorts and not have my legs turn blue, so to me that equals spring. Plus, all those flowers and leaves will soon be blooming everywhere. My apologies to those blessed with that lovely condition known as hay fever. You will be feeling it over the next few weeks.

I love seasons. True, I love fall most of all, but I love the fact that I live where there are four distinct seasons. It reminds me that in order for there to be new life, there must first be a death of sorts. I don’t think I’d love any one season if it lasted indefinitely. Even summer would get old for me after a while. I love summer because I know that autumn is not far behind. I love autumn because I know it is a harbinger of winter. I love winter because of the promise of spring. And I love spring because I know it’s a preparation for summer.

I’ve come to trust God in each season of my life. Whether that be a season of plenty or a season of lacking, I know that the same God of summer is the God of winter. I can be content whether my cup is running over or whether I’m empty-handed (to paraphrase the Apostle Paul).

To me, the lesson of the four seasons is that it is inevitable that God’s promises will come to pass. Just as winter turns into spring, God will whatever’s bad in my life into good. Just as spring passes into summer, so God will guide me through the difficult seasons of my own life. Just as summer morphs into fall, so my God will stay present in my life through every change of weather. And just as fall becomes winter, God will stay the same as He was in the other three seasons.

So yeah, I like spring.

Henri Nouwen and Lent in 2015

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“O Lord, this holy season of Lent is passing quickly. I entered into it with fear, but also with great expectations. I hoped for a great breakthrough, a powerful conversion, a real change of heart; I wanted Easter to be a day so full of light that not even a trace of darkness would be left in my soul.

But I know that you do not come to your people with thunder and lightning. Even St. Paul and St. Francis journeyed through much darkness before they could see your light. Let me be thankful for your gentle way. I know you are at work. I know you will not leave me alone. I know you are quickening me for Easter – but in a way fitting to my own history and my own temperament.

I pray that these last three weeks, in which you invite me to enter more fully into the mystery of your passion, will bring me a greater desire to follow you on the way that you create for me and to accept the cross that you give to me. Let me die to the desire to choose my own way and select my own desire. You do not want to make me a hero but a servant who loves you.

Be with me tomorrow and in the days to come, and let me experience your gentle presence. Amen” (Henri Nouwen).

I think that says everything that’s in my heart in this season of Lent leading up to Easter Sunday on April 5, especially the part of dying to choosing my own way and selecting my own desire. That’s me. I have my own dreams and ideas of how my life should play out. God has different dreams and ideas for me. Seeing as how God’s ways are so much higher and better than mine, I would do well to yield to His ways over mine.

Lord, I lay my life at your feet. Make it shine brightly for You and for others to see You, regardless of the cost to me. Amen.

Blog #1,689

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“Let nothing disturb thee;
Let nothing dismay thee:
All thing pass;
God never changes.
Patience attains
All that it strives for.
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.”
— “Poem IX,” from the Complete Works St. Teresa of Avila (1963) Vol. 3, edited by E. Allison Peers

I couldn’t think of a better title for this blog, so I went with “Blog #1,689.” Not the most creative title ever, but hopefully the content will make up for it.

I’m thinking some of you out there are hanging onto faith by a thread. You’re like the father of the possessed boy who cried out to Jesus, “I believe. Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24).” You have a faith that barely qualifies as mustard seed-sized. But that is enough.

It’s not about how big and grand your faith is but about how big and grand God is. It’s not the size of your faith but the size of the object of your faith that counts, and God is plenty big. As in bigger than your problems, bigger than your doubts, bigger than your sometime unbelief, bigger than you. God has been, is, and will continue to be enough.

So I’m praying for you that you will see what God can do with just the tiniest bit of faith and consent. I’m praying you will be dazzled and amazed at how God comes through for you, almost never in the way or place or time you expected but always with perfect timing in the perfect place in the perfect way.

“Almighty, eternal and merciful God, whose Word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, open and illuminate our minds, that we may purely and perfectly understand your Word and that our lives may be conformed to what we have rightly understood, that in nothing we may be displeasing unto your majesty, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen” – (the daily morning prayer of Ulrich Zwingli, from Gregg Alison’s “Introduction to Historical Theology).