Facebook is great. I love being able to connect with old friends and stay in touch with people who are on the other side of the globe. Literally.

But there is a downside. Facebook can be a place to post and say things you wouldn’t normally say to a person. You can hit a button and end a friendship just like that. The proper term is defriending.

I think it should be a very last resort. Unless you’re trying to purge your friends list by deleting people you don’t really know and barely have any contact with. That’s another story for another blog.

Defriending is essentially saying, “I’m done with you. I don’t want anything more to do with you ever again.” Rarely does a person maintain a friendship with someone they’ve defriended.

If you absolutely must defriend someone, give them the courtesy of a heads up. Send them a message so they know why this needs to happen. That way the hurt will be less.

As always, it’s better to admonish or correct someone face to face rather than through social media. But you should absolutely never ever use defriending as a means to punish someone. If the other person doesn’t know what they did wrong, how can they hope to learn from their mistakes and correct their behavior?

My suggestion is to give them grace and the benefit of the doubt. I’m not saying to tolerate someone who verbally abuses you or makes inappropriate comments. After a warning, I’d send that person packing.

Also, don’t ever use alienation to teach someone a lesson. All pulling away from someone communicates is judgment and condemnation, not grace. Your silence and stand-offishness won’t fix anything; if anything, it will create unneccesary hurt and make the problem much worse than it was before. Nothing beats speaking the truth in love to reconcile a wrong.

Just ask yourself this: what would Jesus do if he were in my place? Then do the same. Remember, God had every right to defriend you (and much worse) and instead sent Jesus who died in your place that you might have life and abundance and freedom. He died to make you into the image and character of Jesus.

Just think about that for a while and see if it doesn’t change the way you see people who have wronged you. No matter what anyone has done to you, you’ve done the same and worse to God. And he’s fully and freely forgiven you.

Just food for thought from one ragamuffin to another.

PS Sometimes when you get defriended, it’s a sign to let the friendship go and move on. Don’t harbor hard feelings or ill will. Forgive and release the person from your life.