I haven’t talked much about my athletic prowess, mostly because there’s not much to talk about in that department. My sports career was sad and short-lived, but at least I had fun. Mostly.

I tried gymnastics, which lasted all of maybe three sessions. I lost my love for it when I got the wind knocked out of me by running into the pommel horse and not timing my jump just right. The last straw was the rings, where I realized that I was indeed very much afraid of heights and not about to go upside down while I was 15 feet up in the air. Not on your life.

I’ll skip t-ball altogether, other than to say I was probably the first conscious objector to the sport, not leaving my sandbox to join the other players.

Soccer was fun, but it was mostly a spectator sport. Which is sad when you’re on the team. I don’t think I played much and when I was in the game, I observed from a great distance most of the time.

Ditto for basketball. I think I scored all of two points in my church league career, both of which came on free throws when a player from the other team, for some completely insane reason, fouled me when I got the ball. Did he think I was really going to go all Michael Jordan on him and dunk in his face?

Now I tend to spectate more than participate. I admire people who are really good at sports, good enough to make a living at it. I realize that probably only one tenth of one percent of all athletes make it to the pros. The other 99.9% greatly exaggerate their careers and boast about how they could have dunked on Michael Jordan.

Now if there had been organized badminton leagues when I was growing up, I would have totally ruled. Unfortunately, that was the 80’s and I can only wonder what might have been.