I am OK with being a substitute person. I really really am. I will be the best friend I can be regardless, whether I was your first choice or last. It doesn’t matter.

Also, I am believing more and more that given time, Jesus can change and fix and heal ANYTHING. No matter how deep the hurt, how unbearable the pain, how broken and beyond repair. Jesus’ love can take ANYTHING and make it beautiful and good. Even in me.

I found out that my heart is not as whole and together as I thought. There are still wounded places where I have not gone in a long time that need healing. I pray for the healing of others, but don’t always recognize when I need it for me. But Jesus knows. And He started the healing process before I even thought to ask.

There are people I would like to read this, but if they don’t, that is fine. There are wishes I have that I have to take every day to the foot of the cross and surrender and say, Not my will but Yours. Even if Your will means my will be undone.

I am learning surrender and trust. To be still and know that God is God and He is always for me. That He waits for me when I am running after everything else.

I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder what the point of blogging and facebook posting is, but I keep doing it. Just like I keep trusting and believing when it seems pointless.

I have to tell myself again that what I feel and think lies to me all the time, so I can’t trust those. The heart is deceitful above all things and the mind is the first to be deceived. But Jesus is still the Truth, the Way, and the Life. No matter what I’m feeling at the time.

Amen and amen. And thanks for letting me ramble.