Thankfulness is the anecdote for bitterness and self-preoccupation (thanks to Michael Easley for that one!) You can’t be thankful when you are always comparing yourself to someone else and envying what that person has that you don’t. Thankfulness means that I am not entitled, but that everything I have, including the air I breath, is a gift. Every person I have in my life is a gift and I should treasure every moment I have with them.

I struggle a lot with envy and bitterness. Those few moments when I am able to genuinely be thankful are sweet. When I am genuinely able to rejoice for that person who has something I wish I had, I am free. Those moments are getting more frequent lately, thanks to Jesus in me.

I think thankfulness isn’t something you wake up one morning having it mastered. You learn gratitude by reminding yourself to thank God for those little things– the blessings and the hardships, the surprises and the annoyances, when things go as planned and when things go awry.

Thankfulness means I surrender my idea of how my world should be and take my world as it is, the way God ordained it. Thankfulness means I acknowledge that God’s plans and purposes are way better than my own. Thankfulness means I have no rights but to deserve hell and that if God never did one thing more for me after saving and redeeming my life, He would be worthy of an eternity of my thanks.

The hardest part for me is to get that into my heart right now. I have to believe it even when I don’t feel it, because feelings can deceive. But God is always Truth. I am learning to rejoice in little everyday victories over small sins. I am learning to be patient with myself and give myself grace to be human and to fail. To realize that when I am tired, my thoughts and feelings get skewed and I shoudn’t trust them.

I plan on OD’ing on turkey Thursday and going into a tryptophan-induced coma. And trusting God with my life.