One of these days, I will learn not to trust my emotions, especially when I’m tired. It’s easy to let what I’m feeling filter what I’m seeing until I get a very skewed version of events in my head. Generally, I tend to be more judgmental and harsh when I am sleep-deprived. Surely, I’m not the only one who does this.

It’s also very easy for me to be me-centered. As in everyone should cater to me and meet my needs and make me feel affirmed and valued. Plus, giving me chocolate never hurts. I want to be noticed and liked and approved and thought of as cool. My desire to fit in often overwhelms my calling to be set apart. I want to blend in when I should stand out.

So I need to confess that my idol is me. Among other things. Me and my desire to be thought of as super-cool. Why should I desire popularity when my Lord was despised and His early followers were persecuted (and rejoiced that they were counted worthy to suffer for His name)? Why do I want to make my name great, but not live to make the name of Jesus look great? I am nobody’s savior. I can’t even save myself. But Jesus, whose name is above every name– including mine– can save anyone anywhere at any time.

Usually, a good night’s sleep puts things back into perspective for me. That and chocolate. I need to be reminded again and again that it’s not about me and my happiness, but about God coming into a broken world and redeeming it, while allowing me to be in on it.

God loves me when I am wide awake and tuned in to His heart and when I am tired and out of sync with His voice. He’s ever so patient (or, to use the old King James word I like so much, He’s longsuffering toward me). That He can use me in spite of me amazes me. And when it doesn’t, it should.

God is good, all the time.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.